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Relationships matter. Do you want to know the nitty gritty of what makes a relationship work? Get your answers to relationship questions. Learn how to keep respect alive & well, because lack of respect is why people get divorced. Learn what builds trust & how to recover from infidelity, drama or codependency. Advice from psychotherapist Rhoda Sommer based on over 35 years of working with couples. www.therapyideas.net
Money & sex are the two things couples argue most about. Most couples don't want to talk about it because they fight. Budgets are like diets, they don't work. Learn here how to think about a spending plan. Instead of beating yourselves up for your past attempts at trying to talk about money, try acknowledging where each of you come from in terms of…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Poison Messages From Your Brain That Damage Your Relationships
32:38
32:38
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Everybody buries themselves in piles of doubt & insecurities that clutter up our lives & our relationships. Some of us cover things up better than others, but no one escapes obsessing about their fears & doubts. Facing your anxieties & insecurities by decontaminating your brain is achievable. Listen & learn how to do it!…
Relationships thrive when the 4 pillars of successful relationships are nurtured. The 4 pillars are Honesty, Respect, Generosity & Negotiating. Relationships are one of the most important parts of life & there are no classes in high school to help you learn how. Make no mistake about it, relationships are a lot of work because everybody is wired di…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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AVOIDING THE SELF-SACRIFICE TRAP IN RELATIONSHIPS
27:32
27:32
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Self-sacrifice has been misinterpreted by too many, as the way to be the "best" partner you can be. For this episode I have Alicia Munoz joining me to discuss how you can use your own experience of pleasure and joy as a compass to guide you to being more fulfilled as a person, and therefore, a "better" partner. When I heard this topic, I immediatel…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Emotionally Unavailable Men/People In Relationships
39:34
39:34
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Emotionally unavailable men are something many partners experience. I think the greatest pain about this problem is that it leaves both people in a relationship feeling even lonelier. Today’s episode is to help us understand this dynamic & move towards solutions instead of giving up. Relationships can survive difficulties when there is a more balan…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Self Confrontation Will Improve ALL Your Relationships
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Self-confrontation is a rare commodity in human beings. It’s really hard to look honestly at yourself. Digesting hard truths about yourself is no easy task. We are all so good at telling ourselves it’s ok when it’s not. We justify why we did something, we make it ok, we make excuses for ourselves. Facing a harsh truth about yourself, makes you feel…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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What Gay Couples Have To Teach Us About Monogamy & Open Relationships
41:25
41:25
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Gay couples have insights to offer all couples. Interview with Michael Dale Kimmel author of The Gay Man’s Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage. He offers important ideas like what is the intention of your marriage? to have fun, share great sex or deepen an emotional connection to stay together for life? He also invites you to consider emotional m…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Manipulators & Being Manipulated In Relationships
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34:10
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When you've been in a relationship with a disturbed manipulative person, regardless of where they are on the spectrum, you get into a real habit of looking outward far too much. All of your attention and energy is focused on what are they going to do next? How are they going to react if I say, or do this? You train yourself to look outside of yours…
Divorce is letting the obstacles pile up to create a grand canyon of distance. Nobody lives in a paradise of love & agreement. If they do it’s still the beginnings or it’s a false reality where one person is swallowing too much or withholding who they really are. Loving enjoyment of each other combined with disagreement or conflict are both natural…
Attachment theory is important because it's going to help you to understand your own relationships. Information is power and recognizing yourself in one of these attachment styles could really improve your future. If your parenting was unpredictable in childhood you might develop into an anxious attacher or also called angry & ambivalent; a clutchi…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Codependency, Let's Think About It As Self Love Deficiency
35:42
35:42
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Ross Rosenberg is important because he gave us a new way to think about codependency as self love deficient. He also explains why so many codependent people are addicted to being with the wrong partner, are afraid to be alone & often hook up with narcissists. He offers observe/ don't absorb as a technique to change & grow.…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Quarantine Life & Solving Relationship Struggles
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12:52
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When you are trapped together it can be easy to get stuck in obsessing about all the negatives that annoy you. Our brains love to hang onto negativity. Sometimes people miss that heady excitement of being in love which is different from actually living with love. Living with love means the work of acceptance. Acceptance of the annoyances because yo…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Relationships Require The Benefit Of The Doubt
11:12
11:12
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Relationships so easily end up in feeling critical of your partner or annoyed, that’s because living together exposes us to the other person’s dark side. Our brains encourage us to indulge our negativity. Add to that any resentments that have silently piled up which will feed stinginess. The resentments lie waiting in the dark to whack your partner…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Partners Who Take Up Too Much Space in a Relationship & A Marriage Story (The Movie)
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Marriage is work because it’s a very tricky business for a marriage to get things right for BOTH people. That’s why marriage is hard work. The movie A Marriage Story gets a lot of things right. You watch how both Charlie & Nicole have responsibility for the demise of the marriage. Charlie is someone who takes up most of the space & Nicole allows it…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Safety Has Exaggerated Importance In Relationships
15:04
15:04
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Safety is a way we lie to ourselves about what will work to have a better life & better relationships. We clutch at believing it is safer to avoid talking about problems with our partners. Choices made for safety are always choices made out of fear. Safety is about the false comfort that false beliefs offer.…
Babies arriving home, don’t have to erase relationships. We all love babies, they are so great and they're so wonderful. They're also tiny bloodsuckers that demand enormous time and energy from parents. My guest today is Joni Parthemer who is going to share her ideas of how to prevent the parents' relationship from disappearing.…
Choices define our lives & our relationships. Many of the choices we make are done without thinking or awareness because they are habits. What makes you more mentally healthy is being aware of having choices and making them. Listen & learn what choices will improve your relationship.By Rhoda Mills Sommer
Addiction recovery is too often only focused on the individual. There is an 8 year study that confirms greater recovery success when the relationship is intact & strong. The relationship needs to grow & do the opposite of Claudia Black's active addiction pattern "Don't Talk, Don't Trust, Don't Feel". Couples can learn to practice expressing thought…
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Sex Life Boost Needed for Your Relationship? Low Desire Problem?
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Sex life Boost is something everybody can benefit from. It's too easy to let desire fade away. Listen to learn how to restore vitality. Novelty doesn't work. This interview with Stephen Snyder is really important to finding the energy to make your sex life matter.By Rhoda Mills Sommer
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Disappointment & Exaggerated Feelings Can Destroy Relationships
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Disappointment can be dangerous to relationships. We, as human beings can be very irrational when it comes to disappointment. We nurse our disappointments & they grow to take up too much real estate inside of us. Feelings are important to know who you are & how you are unique. Feelings are also often exaggerated & most often selfish. Learning to ba…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Communicate Better By Understanding The Stories We Tell Ourselves
12:19
12:19
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Communication can be almost impossible with a partner if we only want to steer the story in our favor. Communication requires an openness to the validity of someone else’s story even if you don’t like it. Communication gets unstuck & we can communicate better when you are able to let two opposite things be true at the same time and let them sit qui…
Anger can be a huge problem in relationships. This episode asks what's important about anger management for relationships? Anger can be incredibly self absorbed & ugly. It's easy to fall down the rabbit hole of "I'm right" & needing to win. We all want the power to control & be the Top Dog. So listen to this episode to learn how to reign it in. Int…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Infidelity & Forgiveness: Interview with Dr. Janis Spring
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28:33
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Infidelity is complicated & difficult to heal from. Dr Spring wrote the first book that defines infidelity as a loss of trust & a shattering of the self. The person who has been betrayed struggles to recapture their sense of themselves. The partner who had the affair needs to listen non-defensively, without interruption to the profound level of hur…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Date & Love Bravely; Interview With Dr. Solomon
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28:49
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Date to learn more about yourself. Don't stay in the safety of passivity, watching who they are. Dates can be practice to grow. Think of "every intimate partnership as a classroom in which I can learn again and again about myself, about commitment, about integrity, about authenticity, forgiveness & about apology." Quote & Interview with Dr.Solomon…
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What Healthy Couples Know That You Don't
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Misery In Your Relationship & 10 Ways To Fix It
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Misery can so easily build in any relationship. Misery zaps your energy to think & it's easy to indulge your sad feelings. The two of you as a couple can fall to the bottom of your priority list. The misery usually spills over into bickering & fighting with each other because we don’t kick the neighbor’s dog, we kick each other.…
