show episodes
 
In 1977, NASA sent the Voyager into space with two records known as the “Golden Records.” On them were recordings of notable historic music, evocative nature sounds, and murmurs from contemporary life, all used to paint a picture of humanity and the world at large. Things have changed a lot since 1977, so Caleb Hearon and Shelby Wolstein are trying their hand at an update. They're talking with comedians, musicians, and the like about what they would include on their own “golden record” if a ...
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"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder, You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger, May you never take one single breath for granted, God forbid love ever leave you empty handed, I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean, Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens, Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting ch…
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An episode full of shocking revelations. Someone in the room (EJ) has never been to TGI Friday's. Someone else in the room (Shelby) thinks Taylor Swift is a psychopath. And someone else in the room (our guest Sam Sanders [It's Been a Minute, Vibe Check, Into It]) didn't know that Jason Mraz says he's Mr. A to Z because Mr. A to Z spells... Mraz . A…
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Shelby gets a little philosophical. Allison helps us get a little introspective. And EJ has chapped lips. Allison Raskin (writer/director/comedian/YouTuber/podcaster/mental health advocate!!!) is here for some high brow, some low brow, some pure comedy gold. And the artifacts? Ohhhh these artifacts. You don't see artifacts like these every day. The…
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Well looky who we have here: it's the literal titans of the heterosexual podcasting world, George Civeris and Sam Taggart (Straightiolab). To keep things super duper straight this episode, the gang discuss Reese Witherspoon, owls, Lady Gaga, taking a nice long walk in the fall, and then circling back to Reese Witherspoon again. The aliens also get …
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Things discussed: tortoises, sperm whales, elephant seals, octopi, persian cucumbers, regular cucumbers, gerkins, Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap. Things not discussed: why EJ is training his cat, and what techniques he is using to achieve his goals. And who better to discuss and not discuss these things with than professional discusser Paul F. To…
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Anya (who writes these episode descriptions, hello) finally gets a long awaited and much deserved apology from Shelby, in absentia. I guess I had to fly across the country to give Shelby the distance she needed to make amends. I've forgiven and I've forgotten. While I was away, Shelby and EJ decided the podcast is perfect (true) and that the funnie…
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You know what feels nice? When a guest takes this assignment seriously for once. Many thanks to Bridger Winegar (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Black Monday, I Said No Gifts!) for putting his personal and professional life on hold for a month to prep for this episode, curating and revising a list of artifacts, and agonizing over making a good alien-fir…
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This episode is for our sweet n earnest lil freaks ONLY. We mean it!!!! If you're not prepared to shed a tear as longtime podcaster/friend of the show/loving dad Chuck Bryant talks about his favorite episode of his kid's favorite TV show, you should probably turn back now!!!! (OK, now that it's just us sweethearts, we can tell you about the rest of…
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Welcome to the thunderdome: this week, it's hosts vs. producers as we battle for historical accuracy in the space where it matters most, the intro to this podcast. Sound off/take sides in the comments. Then, Nicole Byer (Why Won't You Date Me?, Nailed It!, Grand Crew) fits us into her busy schedule this week (she flies to London every morning to wo…
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Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, welcome back. We have perhaps never meant it to more??? Keeping Records is all the way back, with the new EJ and the old Shelby and all that record-making you love or hate or agree with or disagree with or tolerate. And could we have asked for a better first guest back than comedian/writer/podca…
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The moment you've all been waiting for... an episode long in the making.... the Keeping Records phone has been ringing off the hook.... audiences have been begging....... for Anya and Casey to step up to the mic. Also in this episode: all your favorite moments in Keeping Records history, according to you. Eat it up, lil freaks!!!!! And don't forget…
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OK tiny freaks! This is our very last re-release before a very special episode next week (!) and an even more special (!!) episode the week after. So hang tight, stay tuned, don't touch that dial. We're almost back, baby. Actor, producer, and writer E.R. Fightmaster takes great issue with the premise of Keeping Records. And the issue is that the sh…
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All right, settle in lil freaks, we're wheeling in the AV cart for a very special session of Keeping Records. Yes, that's right, we're gonna dim the lights and sit quietly in our chairs while Caleb and Shelby tell us about some of the artifacts that NASA sent (without our input weirdly) on the original Voyager Golden Record. We'll learn about thing…
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Give us a minute, OK? Keeping Records is on a brief hiatus but you better believe it's coming back. Stay tuned for updates from their latest mission, dropping in your feeds soon. Comedian and podcaster Beth Stelling ordered some sandwiches...like...an hour ago. They're still not here yet but she's going to go ahead and get started telling Caleb and…
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Hey it's Caleb and Shelbo! Back with the long-awaited Golden Record from our main girl! Shelbo takes a while to find her camera but when she does, she FINALLY sets the record straight (in a gay way): we're taking a brief chhhiatus (a Jewish break), but we will be back with new episodes in a few weeks. So don't you dare hit that unsubscribe button, …
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Good morning America (or wherever you're listening from, hopefully from a different planet)! The long awaited Golden Record from our one and only Caleb Hearon is finally here. It's a bittersweet symphony as we go through a lot of feelings. Queue Vitamin C… and let us know… F/K Jason Segal and Vince Vaughn. Caleb's Artifacts The feeling of unrequite…
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They're back from their meeting with NASA; seems like things went well. Now, Caleb's in New York, and Shelby's in LA. But the Zoom that connects them through the cosmos? That's Mommy, and Mommy is home. They play F/M/K with the Supreme Court (answers open to interpretation) and then open up the submission line to solicit additions/deletions for the…
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Well lil freaks, it finally happened. We got the call last week on the secure Headgum line (red phone) from Bill Nelson (head of NASA, reports to POTUS, first coined the phrase "Houston, we have a problem") and Caleb and Shelby are on their way to the John F. Kennedy Space Center for an important meeting and we are not cleared to give you any other…
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Shelby's back in studio (missed you, girl!); Caleb's finally on Raya (congrats, girl!); and EJ Marcus stops by the pod to kind of randomly make fun of producer Anya (who is actually writing this description but totally forgives you, girl!). After all, EJ is, by their own admission, Mean, Scary, Tall, and Intimidating. Mean, Scary, Tall, and Intimid…
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Gather in close, lil freaks - things get serious for a minute as Caleb and Shelby open up with you all about the family stuff they've had going on. Turns out, growing up sucks. But the intimate moments don't stop there: we also learn a lot about Caleb's balls, guest Carly Kane lets it slip that she's a die-hard Eminem stan, and Shelby reveals the i…
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We're back and we're hornery. We talk about marriage and mentally ill babies, Real Housewives and mentally ill Real Housewives, and the ways in which young Mormons are (or, apparently, are not) having sex. Comedian Camirin Farmer comes through with a list of artifacts that can only be described as iconic, and also ruthlessly drags actress Lea Miche…
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The place: a grim, dimly-lit warehouse in Oakland. The year: 1999. Our hero, known to most simply as “DJ Moshe,” a prolific local techno disc jockey, prepares to square off against his enemy, DJ E. Moshe, in an underground battle for house-music-scene domination. How does this tale of high stakes adventure end? Does our hero prevail as the greatest…
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Have you ever really listened to the words of "Baby" by the young hitmaker Justin Bieber? No, like, really really listened? Comedian Kiry Shabazz walks Caleb and Shelby through a close reading of the lyrics, while sending to space other songs not yet included in the Great American Songbook because they are cowards. Taking the most strategic, tactic…
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Let's pick up where we left off, shall we? It's your favorite band MUNA back in the studio (that they never really left) to really get into their mostly gastronomy-related picks for the Golden Record. In between listing out their favorite burrito spots, Naomi, Jo, and Katie listen encouragingly as Caleb and Shelby try their hand at songwriting; Cal…
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There's arguably too many people in the studio. They arguably all talk about too many things at once. Fortunately, Jo, Naomi, and Katie (members of your favorite band MUNA) took their mission very seriously, collaborating on a tightly edited Golden Record to send only the very best earth stuff to space. Unfortunately, they all spend too long making…
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Is there any lil freak/Lord of the Ring fan crossover? We sure do hope so, because Caleb, Shelby, and musician Lou Roy kind of go off about Tolkien for a while this week. They do manage to leave Middle Earth for a little while to talk about Hometown Buffet - which we tried to provide a URL link to but incredibly, does not have a website in this yea…
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Caleb and Shelby sit down for a little one-on-one in the studio to discuss the biggest names of our generation: Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, Reba McEntire, Shelley Duvall, and Heath Ledger. They also carve out some time to hone their improv chops but somehow only get to two of your additions to the Golden Records. But as always, they're perfect, jus…
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The world's teeeeniest podcast hosts (Caleb and Shelby) invite on the tiiiiiniest guest (writer/performer/recent sister wife Lily Sullivan [The Righteous Gemstones, I Think You Should Leave, Comedy Bang Bang!]) to talk about about this parmesan cheese commercial for an hour. They are all so small and so brave. This episode also marks the developmen…
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Caleb and Shelby invite comedian and writer Vinny Thomas into the gauntlet (our recording studio) to find out if he can survive an hour in the hottest room known to humankind (the Headgum AC was broken). See which of the following symptoms of heat stroke according to WebMD.com you can spot amongst the three of them throughout the duration of the ep…
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Comedian/Tennessee native Laura Peek logs on with Caleb and Shelby to wade through the trials and tribulations of the best/worst four years of everyone's life: high school. Remember senior privileges? Remember absolutely roasting your teachers any time they even slightly misspoke? Remember how hot it was when 16-year-old boys chewed tobacco and had…
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No amount of explicit content warning could possibly prepare you for what happened when writer/actress Tamara Yajia stopped by the Keeping Records studio as our first in-studio guest. Producers and Headgum staff still traumatized, need time to process. We ask that you respect our privacy and we have no further comment at this time. Tam's Artifacts …
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An episode that will undoubtedly be used as a resource on LGBTQIA+ allyship and gay rights manual for the alien species forever into the future. Writer and world's biggest and last remaining Pinkberry customer Jill Gutowitz stops by to explain to us (and the aliens) that adjusting a lesbian's clothing is actually a homophobic slur, how to get a boy…
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This week on the pod, Caleb, Shelby, and Emmy-winning (!!!) writer/actress/comedian Ashley Nicole Black get into it. It = the best moments of the human experience, the things we should be most proud to show off to the aliens in space. It mostly = the 1997 ouevre My Best Friend's Wedding. They also get into the use of stalls vs. urinals, how to actu…
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Live (not really!) from the brand new Headgum Studios (yes really!) it's everybody's favorite comedy/friendship duo Caleb Hearon and Shelby Wolstein!!!! Our first in-studio episode has something for everyone: Caleb trying to cry on command and then blaming everyone else in the studio when he can't; Shelby revealing that God is her social media mana…
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What if we sent the absolute most unhinged takes on present-day society to the aliens on a Golden Record? Would it confuse them? Maybe make us seem wild and ungovernable? Or do they also think that only women and children should be allowed to wear flip flops and that all dogs should be kept outside? Those are the questions we reckon with on this we…
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Musician/producer Brian Robert Jones stops by the ~virtual~ Keeping Records studio to talk about what the kids mean when they say "throwing neck," TI-89 calculators, and his lifelong dream of performing live at KFC's Yum! Center in Louisville, KY. (Where, incidentally, Shelby thinks would be a cool place to lose your virginity.) The best part of th…
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This episode is mostly Caleb and Shelby singing along to their favorite songs. But they are at some point joined by actress, filmmaker, and amateur pop culture oracle Sarah Ramos, who has a long list of her fave pieces of modern civilization to send out to space (notably Taylor Swift's entire discography, RuPaul's drag race, and weed edibles). Ther…
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Caleb and Shelby are joined by writer Ruby Caster to discuss how Ruby and Shelby can't read (bummer!!) and whether or not table-side Caesar salad preparation is inherently gay. They briefly touch on Ruby's Golden Record picks (which is incidentally the point of this show): romaine lettuce + parmesan cheese, the best band to have ever existed, and M…
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Comedian Maggie Winters joins Caleb and Shelby for their second video episode, which devolves into chaos after a game of f*ck, marry, kill. Shelby leaves the zoom but eventually returns. Caleb's tennis leg cramps? Back for a special appearance. Also, everybody learns what paramour means. Eventually they get to Maggie aka Marguerite's Golden Record,…
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Caleb and Shelby are back with their first video episode, which also just so happens to be a Listener Submission episode. Caleb questions the quality of his video, but decides he doesn't care because he looks great on camera. Meanwhile, Shelby's shadows? Sort of going wherever they want. Before diving into your picks, Caleb and Shelby analyze: Cale…
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Caleb is back from Missouri. Shelby is still in Ohio. There seems to be some question of whether Caleb is someone who enjoys biking but rest assured that he is into it. Comedian River Butcher is on the podcast today, and he's got the '90s on his mind. Well, the '90s and a song by Softee that absolutely GOES. River's Golden Record has the sound, loo…
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Caleb and Shelby cope with being apart by contemplating their sexual chemistry. Comedian Jo Firestone is on the podcast this week, as is her dog companion Loaf. Jo loves Loaf, and we love Loaf. We love specific brands of tomato sauce, we love Greek women yelling at us to get our lives together, we love munching on ice, and we love the sound macaron…
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Shelby is in the studio. Caleb is in his and Shelby's old home. The novel coronavirus is in Caleb. (Ok, was in Caleb, he is feeling better, thank you.) It's a Listener Submission episode, and Listeners...your submissions this time were just...all over the place. You made Caleb and Shelby think about some weird and terrifying stuff that they definit…
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Caleb has moved out. Shelby is also moving out. Distance has come between them, but their love for one another bridges that great divide. Here to observe our hosts' attempt at coping with separation anxiety are Chair Professor Daniel Chua (University of Hong Kong) and Fanny Peabody Professor Alex Rehding (Harvard University), co-authors of the book…
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Caleb is off on a long-haul fishing boat, being forced by the crew to bite the head off of a live herring as a hazing ritual. That means Shelby is going to need some assistance this week. Enter: comedian Grace Kuhlenschmidt. The guest host we need. The guest host we deserve. Together, Shelby and Grace welcome comedian, actress, and writer Greta Tit…
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Hello, all of our special friends! And welcome to the show!! We're so happy to see each and every one of you, come on into our tree fort! We're launching Golden Records into outer space so that aliens far away can know ALL about the human race long after we've all turned to ash!! Today we're making a record with someone we care about so much, write…
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Fresh off of their weekend of debauchery in New York City (read: being kept up by neighbors and flooded in their hotel), Caleb and Shelby have a date with comedian, writer, and producer Alison Leiby (The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, The President Show) to plan out her Golden Record. Alison wants to show the aliens our best media, and for them to be orall…
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It has been a week of fending off requests from incredibly rich and famous celebrities, Nobel Prize laureates, the greatest writers, mathematicians, and physicists of our age, emails coming in four times an hour—"Please, please allow this unbelievably brilliant environmental scientist to personally curate a Golden Record to send into outer space!" …
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chicago > city of chicago > apartments/housing for rent — North Center spacious 4 bed 2 bath, 4 min walk to Irving Park Brown Line. Lots of natural light. New appliances, in-unit laundry. Guarantors accepted, for immediate move-in. Contact comedian and prince Colin Rourke for more info. Link to video walkthrough. Colin's Artifacts Rat Race (2001) (…
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