24: Choosing A Tribe to Grow With

She's Fabulous by MaryAnn Lim Favie

Transcript for Ep24

Hello and welcome to She’s Fabulous Show.

Do you belong to a community of people that serves you some benefit in one way or the other?

In social media sites, we can find thousands of groups appearing as recommendations for us to join because we have something in common with the people in those groups. We get to connect virtually and exchange views and opinions, or share just anything under the sun - shared hobbies, opinions, interests, the list is endless on why groups are being created.

When I came to Singapore in 2011, the first group I was able to connect with and be a part of was the group of Filipinos in the company. It was helpful to be with people who speak the same language, eat similar food, experiencing being homesick from family overseas,and struggling to survive in the new environment where as a foreigner, somehow we feel we do not belong. The lonely first few months of adjustment has been easier because you know what you are going through is normal, and a lot of people in your little Filipino community overcame and became successful. That was a source of hope and encouragement that yes, I can make it through and will be successful one day too.

Then when I was well-adjusted and comfortable in my little world at home and at work, I decided to find ways to be able to accelerate and achieve my goals while I am away from my family. I enrolled in a self-development course with Mind Kinesis Academy, where I studied neuro linguistic programming. This was my first ever group where all were Singaporeans and I was the only Filipino. I felt awkward at first, somewhat uncertain that I may not be able to show my real side, the authentic me, because I was the odd one out. But it turned out so different from my expectations. I was able to form a strong bond with my course mates. Our NLP mentor was able to put all of us into a place where we have allowed ourselves to be vulnerable, to share with each other to help all of us grow. Until today I remember with fondness our learning moments where we went all out with our emotions - happy, sad, afraid, hopeful, funny - ones that created that bond that has stayed with me throughout the years even if we are now mostly connecting by social media. I know it will be easy for us to pick up on the friendship that developed, when the time comes we see each other again.

Then there is community that has brought me surprises I have never expected. In November of 2019, I took a course with Soul Rich Woman. This is the first community I joined which is focused on women empowerment. I wanted to debunk the misconception that women mostly come together but do not form deep bonds as it so easy to fall prey to competition and envy, of creating silos where gossip and criticisms are very common between one group against another. After the course, I was able to create friendships where one supports the other to grow and be successful, where one would rather work with than work against in order to achieve goals faster. This community or tribe as we call it has led me to know a lot more wonderful women that have opened up business opportunities as well as close friendships.

I have learned the value of belonging to a community. It is where you can find a sense of belongingness because of similarities - in interests, in goals, in a journey we are going through. It can give us a sense of being connected even in the midst of strangers.

But more than the connection, if we work hard on building relationships it is where we can learn and grow with like-minded people. And even with people who have different interests than ours. It allows us to see different perspectives from ours. We also get the benefit of avoiding mistakes because we know someone has done it and failed, or accelerate us towards our goal because we can duplicate what others have done rather than reinventing the wheel on our own.

It is also where we get to see possibilities when we collaborate with someone. New things become easier, we become bolder because we get support and have some “cheerleaders” celebrating with us in our small wins till we achieve our goals.

For me, a community has made me a better person overall. And that is not because I have gained so much from people I meet there. But it is also because I can give and share, that I can support someone. Being in a community has trained me to look beyond myself and just be a more supportive and generous person. I hope you have one but if not, find one. For sure one day you will agree with me that being in a community contributes a lot to our success.

I would love to hear your feedback about my sharing, please check out my show notes and connect with me through my Facebook, Instagram and my personal blog. I am looking forward to having you again in my next episode.

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sheisfabulous50

Instagram: maryann.favie_sheis.fabulous

Personal Blog: www.sheisfabulous.com