Nia Garcia: To Me... That Is Not A Mom

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Jayne Amelia talks with Nia Garcia. The smart and lovely Nia Garcia is a former foster youth who was abused by her drug addicted mother and stepfather who then threw out of her family home when she was only 13… she ended up living in shelters after several foster homes, then on the streets. She self-harmed for many years and then got addicted to meth to try to numb her pain, but with a lot of hard work and determination she’s now recovered and has made herself a new and happy life. She’s learned how to protect herself and really take care of herself, and now she takes care of her brothers too.
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Nia Garcia: Is today the day? And if not today-when? "It's my experience that people are a lot more sympathetic if they can see you hurting, and for the millionth time in life I wish for measles or smallpox or some other easily understood disease just to make it easier on me and also on them. Sometimes there’s beauty in the tough words- it's all how you read them. We are all alone, trapped in these bodies and our own minds, and whatever company we have in this life is only fleeting and superficial. I know myself well enough to know that no one else can keep you awake or keep you from sleeping. I do my best thinking at night when everyone else is sleeping. No interruptions. No noise. I like the feeling of being awake when no one else is. Stars in the sky, stars on the ground. It's hard to tell where the sky ends and the earth begins. I feel the need to say something grand and poetic, but the only thing I come up with is “it's lovely.” Sorry is a waste time. You have to live your life like you’ll never be sorry. It’s easier just to do the right thing from the start so there’s nothing to apologize for. You deserve better. I can’t promise you I’ll stay around, not because I don’t want to. It’s hard to explain. I’m a fuckup. I’m broken, no one can fix it. I’ve tried. I’m still trying. I can’t love anyone because it’s not fair to anyone who loves me back. I’ll never hurt you, not like I want to hurt her. But I can’t promise you I won’t pick you apart, piece by piece, until you’re in a thousand pieces, just like me. You should know what you’re getting into before getting involved. Listen, I’m a freak. I’m a weirdo. I’m the troublemaker. I start fights. I let people down. Don’t make Nia mad, whatever you do. Oh, there she goes again, in one of her moods. Moody Nia. Angry Nia. Unpredictable Nia. Crazy Nia. But I’m not a complication of symptoms. Not a casualty of shitty parents and an even shittier chemical makeup. Not a problem. Not a diagnosis. Not an illness. Not something to be rescued. I’m a person. But I bring it up to let you know that this is the way I feel right now. Like Pluto and Jupiter are aligned with the earth and I’m floating. The future is uncertain, but that can be a good thing. I have this feeling, like I’m waiting for something. But I have no idea what. The thing is, there are good days and bad days. I feel most guilty saying they aren’t all bad. It’s okay to laugh, you know. The earth’s not going to split open. You’re not going to hell. Believe me. If there is a hell, I’l

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