NRR 28 - Fish Smugglers Smacked

Benny's Grab Bag

Talking fish? How about no! That’s right Tecumseh, the talking fish drama has reached a conclusion and that conclusion included a thermos of salinated poultry, our two FBCI agents Al and Joey, and a whole mess of Canadian geese. This is Vox and you’re listening to Not Really Radio.

The details are still sketchy so we’ll provide you with a more complete picture once the dust has settled. Specifically on Saturday at 7pm at Covenant Church.

Even So, I must go ahead and retract my admittedly snarky comments toward the FBCI in yesterday's broadcast. Well done boys, we're proud of you!

In other news, the now nightly mysterious wailing that is waking up sleeping infants and tormenting pets and parents alike has continued for the sixth straight night in a row and yours truly is concerned that we can’t take much more of it. I won’t say I’m hallucinating, but I had a lovely conversation with a unicorn sitting in a tree outside the window of my 7th floor apartment. I know this is impossible, partly because I live in a single story house, but mostly because everyone knows unicorns around Tecumseh hate climbing trees.

Tim the Hydra has moved! In what I assume was a lovely ceremony two days ago that was attended by absolutely no one because people generally don’t like to be eaten, Tim and Candace the sea serpent tied the knot. Any witnesses who were present aren’t talking, because they naturally would have been consumed immediately as Tim has been very hungry. I know it went well though because Candace sent the station a thank you note for the cuisinart mixer I purchased from their Target registry. Her note reads as follows:

“Thank you, city of Tecumseh, for the lovely gift of the cuisinart mixer. It has long been a dream of mine to make mashed potatoes and now I can just as soon as I find an electric outlet somewhere in the pond. I’m sorry you couldn’t make the ceremony. Tim looked so handsome in his miami vice style suit with epic shoulder pads. It’s like I was marrying Don Johnson three times, you know on account of Tim having three heads. I also wanted to thank the FBCI for stopping the talking fish smugglers but don’t have an address for them. Could you pass that along? I have some turtles in the family on my mother’s side and we don’t want turtle haters living in our pond. Also, special thanks to FBCI agents Al and Joey for not tear gassing the wedding and kidnapping my new husband and myself. We realize we’re a tempting couple of targets. Maybe we’ll name our babies after them. Tim is currently in the process of moving to the pond, so he won’t be living at the wastewater treatment plant anymore. That all for now, thanks again. Hugs and kisses, Candace.”

Ahh, that’s sweet.

By the way, Tecumseh, I went ahead and put your names on the card for the cuisinart, so you each owe me three cents. Why? Because 249.99 divided by 8356 people comes out to roughly 3 cents a piece. And I for one think that’s a small price to pay for not being eaten by a couple of giant reptiles.

Special thanks to Jason, my former science consultant for doing that math on that, but I’m not hiring you back as my consultant. At best I’ll promote you to calculator with a bow tie.

In other news, the Not Really Radio live event is coming up the day after tomorrow at 7pm at covenant Church. See you there! This is Vox and you’ve been listening to Not Really Radio.

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