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EP15 - What needless conflict can I avoid?
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Needless conflict. We'll know that a lot of conflict is needless, but which conflict? And how can I avoid just that conflict? Isn't some conflict helpful and productive? The conflict I am thinking about is the conflict which comes from judgement and opinion. Conflict can only come from a difference of opinion. If there is conflict, it could be because the other person is wrong - in which case they won't be swayed unless they are receptive to facts. The other way conflict can arise is if they are right, and I am wrong. And it is difficult for us to see our own miss judgements and errors. Absent any receptiveness to facts and logical judgement, conflict will never be resolved, and therefore is needless. Why have a conflict if you are not going to convince the other person? Why have a conflict when you yourself will not be swayed? Isn't it just a huge waste of effort? I have a philosophy of not telling lies and not judging. Not telling lies is reasonably straightforward, if not an imperfect and somewhat unattainable goal. I aim towards it. ..... An event today rammed this home to me. My daughter called to ask advice about a co-worker who has been bullying and intimidating her other co-workers. My daughter is not one of the victims but she feels the need to interject and protect. My advice to her was as follows. I told her that she does not need to stir the pot and (as a result), create more conflict. She needs to remain calm, with poise, and be levelheaded. The greatest way she can help her workmates is to show calm compassion. She has raised the matter with her superior and did so in a very compassionate levelheaded manner. But I advised her not to go any further unless the boss asks for her opinion. If her opinion is sought, she needs to use that calm please to unemotionally give the opinions that she is asked and not to over reach. In any line of work, the most respected employees (and the ones who are promoted) are the ones who have this calm rational demeanour. I am not telling her to be cold and detached, but to offer calm compassion. That is the most difficult form of support. Much more difficult than joining in with the crowd at stoning the perpetrator.
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