Episode 5: John Trepucci’s weird, slanty frets.

We’re In A Band!

My fingies hurt!

In this final* reunion episode, the boys discuss how Venn diagrams are evil. They shed light on the process of building a setlist; how they manage the songs' energy levels from the first song of the night (when people are sober, bored, skeptical, and critical) to the last song, where they can pretty much play the Lamb-chop song over and over and have the audience eating out of their hands while they've got them by the balls. Try not to picture the last sentence. Make a Venn diagram, if you must.

They discuss how digital streaming services have ruined the art of the "secret track," but they've also reduced the number of useless "noise" tracks (I'm looking at you, Tool's Aenima...) and how Mike's ultra rare collection of Jaguar XJ220s are a message to Jase: STOP BEING POOR!!!" It's important to note that this advice didn't magically make Jase able to afford his own Jag.

Nick. ... (I could have sworn there was some reason to mention Nick...)

They address the Ed Sheeran & Marvin Gaye estate copyright infringement lawsuit. Hint: They're not lawyers and they're hardly musicians, so it's unbearable to listen to. Jase nearly chokes to death, but first, he has a big surprise for the boys! You'll learn how Nick is secretly an old man who only buys expired beer and calls it "insta."

Jase doesn't know how to let a joke die, and everyone cringes every time he speaks. They guys consider firing him due to his inability to play the simplest guitar riff that he's never been able to play. But fear not! There's a spreadsheet full of replacements at the ready. Just think - once he's not on the podcast, you won't have to hear about Hanson ever again!

Nick. ... Just... Nick. Oh! They boys FORCE Nick to play a Rush song before he's ready. Is that a crime? Probably. Is it a sexual crime? Maybe, in a way, but the other things we do to him probably definitely are. He's well-compensated, though, so it's hard to feel sorry for him.

*NOTE: This is not actually our final episode... I mean, unless we die between when this is published and the next one. Unlikely, but possible, especially considered the odds are tripled due to there being three of us. Did anyone consider that?!?! Try not to be too disappointed or surprised, I guess is all I'm sayin'. People die all the time unexpectedly. Why would we be special? You need to seriously consider your worldview if you just ASSUME we'll still exist to provide endless hours of peak entertainment for your earballs in perpetuity.

Paid for by the "Vote Sandy Wesserson" PAC and Ear Sausage Studios.