278. Live a Transparent Life

The Rob Skinner Podcast: Helping You Make This Life Count

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Live a Transparent Life, Transcript

I decided to lay it all out on the table with my Mom. I told her my whole story. All the dirt, all the secrets and everything I’d never told her before. She was lying in a hospital bed in a rehabilitation facility in Medford, Oregon. She was in her mid-90’s and would pass within a couple of years. I didn’t know at that time whether she would recover from her current illness. I was hoping she would become a Christian. So I decided it was time to “open the kimono” and share my complete conversion story. She always had treated me special as her golden boy. I knew I needed to let her know what I was really like. We went back in time together to the eighties. I shared about my sin, my immorality, my drug use, drunkenness, my selfishness, the shameful events that led me to Jesus. I shared about the broken relationships, personal failures and disappointments. After I talked for about fifteen minutes, I apologized for the raw and unedited story of my life. I said, “I’m sorry for my “R” rated story, Mom.” She said, “Honey, everyone’s got an “R” rated story.”

I don’t know what I was expecting. But when I saw how unphased and unchanged she was when I shared details about my failings, I realized how being open or transparent with our lives draws people closer to us. This is why it’s so important to be an open book as a person and especially if you want to be a multiplying disciple. Transparency is one of the most powerful human traits we can develop.

The apostle John shares about this in 1 John 1:5-10, “ This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 6 If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.”

Why be Open?

Why should we work to be transparent with our strengths and weaknesses? John says first of all that we should do this because God is that way. He is light, there is no darkness in him at all. God reveals himself to us through his Word, the natural world and through Jesus himself. His nature is to reveal himself to us and invite us into his life. He doesn’t have sin to hide like we do, but he loves to open up his life to us. We need to imitate God’s character and holiness.

Secondly, if we are hiding our sin and weaknesses we’re living a lie and are not living out the truth. Jesus came to die for our sin. When we hide our sin, we are living a fictional life that isn’t real.

The third reason it’s important to be vulnerable about our failings is that when we do share vulnerably, “we have fellowship with one another.” I get the most responses from my lessons when I share a setback or mistake I’ve made. People love to hear that others have flaws as well. Transparency opens the door to real relationships.

Another massively important reason to be an open book is that Jesus’ blood “purifies us from all sin” when we walk in the light. I want Jesus’ forgiveness. The way to a continual purification is through confession and openness. I remember Ed Townsend preaching a lesson on this passage and saying, God doesn’t expect perfection, he expects honesty. What a relief! I can’t be perfect, but I certainly can be honest.

John goes on in verse eight to warn against living a self-deceived life in which we are filled lies and not the truth.

Again in verse nine, he hammers again on the power of a transparent life. When we are open and confess our sin, we receive forgiveness and purification of all unrighteousness. Not just a few of our sins, all our sins are forgiven and purified. That includes the sins before conversion and the sins of our current lives. Confession is like walking under a waterfall of purification. Everything gets cancelled, forgiven and forgotten.

The final reason John gives for living an honest life is that when we puff ourselves up and put on a front of perfection, we are making God out to be a liar. We are denying God’s word that says “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). We are claiming that Jesus is wrong about his estimation of us when he calls us evil in Luke 11:13 and Matthew 7:11, “If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

How to Get Open

16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16

There are strong reasons to live a transparent life, closer relationships with people, closer relationship with God, forgiveness, purification, a more godly character, alignment of our lives with God’s word and more. However, there are also strong reasons for not being open, fear, embarrassment, worry, pride, ego and arrogance.

Our default mode is to remain living in the darkness. You will have to make a strong decision to push past embarrassment to get into the light. Here’s how:

Find a prayer partner or spiritual friend. You need to identify at least one person that you can let down around and talk at a deeper level. This person needs to be stable, steady, spiritual and caring. This person can listen to you without freaking out. Ask God for a person to talk to. He will surface a worthy person.

Ask the awkward question. Here’s what you need to ask: “May I confess some sin to you?” This might be the toughest sentence you’ll ever pronounce and yet I’ve never had a person say no. Every person I’ve talked to made time right on the spot and was incredibly kind and respectful.

Be direct. Don’t hedge, explain or “paint the picture” about your sin. It’s easy to minimize our sin by going into a long backstory about how tired we were, how hard we’ve been working, how much we’ve been doing for God, how challenging its’ been at home with wife and kids, how tough work has been etc. We bring these things up to rationalize our diving into sin. We want to blame our circumstances for our sin but Jesus says in Mark 7:20-22 that sin is an inside job. “He went on: ‘What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.’” Explanation and excuses aren’t necessary. Just say it:

· I yelled at my wife yesterday.

· I looked at porn last night.

· I swore this morning

· I drank too much

While it’s important to be direct, you don’t need to go into graphic detail. Don’t make your brother or sister struggle by sharing every single thing you saw or thought. Protect the hearts of people around you. Being honest doesn’t mean giving too much information. Name the sin, name the situation and leave it at that.

When is the best time to get open? As soon as you sin. Don’t wait. Don’t allow sin to harden your heart. Don’t live in fear and embarrassment. Bring it into the light. Talk about it now. Don’t let weeks pass by without confession. Paul offers good advice when he warns against taking communion without examining ourselves first. Some churches demand confession before taking communion. The principle is solid, don’t allow a week to go by without self-examination and confession.

Where is the best place to get open with your life. Find a quiet place, free from distraction. Don’t mention it in passing. Don’t text or email your confession. You don’t want your sin to resurface on the internet later. Keep it verbal.

I’ve never felt closer to God and to people than when I’ve opened up about my life. No hiding, no pretending, just real life. I remember walking to a college devotional on the UC Berkeley campus. I was a student and a baby Christian. As I walked I talked to God about the sin I had committed that day. I still remember the feeling I felt when I realized that God loved me anyway in spite of my sin. Even though the Bible talks about this forgiveness, on that day I felt the forgiveness and love of God at the deepest level of my being. It was awesome to know I was forgiven and purified of all unrighteousness.

Practicals

· Examine yourself. What sins have you allowed to remain in the recesses of your life?

· Bring them in to the light. Call someone or next time you are in a church setting, pull someone aside and ask the most important question, “Can I confess some sin to you?”

Get specific. Get to it. Share your sin without backstory, rationalization or excusemaking.