[PODCAST 260]: Routines Made for YOU!

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[PODCAST 260]: Routines Made for YOU!

15h ago 31:43

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Do you ever feel like your life is so full and unpredictable that you just can’t keep up with the regular routines? Let’s say that you want to do a financial check-in every Wednesday afternoon, laundry Thursday evenings, grocery shopping on Fridays, cleaning the house on Saturdays, and have family meetings on Sundays.

But then your kids have a bunch of extra sporting activities, you have guests that come into town, there’s a community event that you want to attend, and all of a sudden, those great routines that you put into place just don’t happen. What do you do?

Today, we’re talking about how to tailor your routines for your unique life. That means even when it’s unpredictable and crazy, you can still get the most important things done. The reason I’m even recording this podcast is because one of our community members named Rebecca sent me this message, and I thought all of us could relate.

She said, “How do you embrace the season of life you’re in and make routines that work for it? For example, I teach high school full time, my husband works an hour away, we have two teens that play travel hockey and school sports… We are bound to an ever changing schedule of running around… practices conflict with night routines and meal times… it’s difficult to find quality family time unless it’s driving to a game etc… hard to schedule in weekly routines… difficult to find time to meet with my partner to go over or even establish financial check ins etc). We have been in this stage for about 6 years now, with about 5-6 more years of it. It’s pretty much burying us and we are living in a constant reactive mode.”

I really feel for Rebecca because we’ve had times in our lives that felt just like that. If that’s you, first of all, I’m giving you a big hug. Second, I want to provide you with some tools that can help you know what to do in the middle of all of that, so you don’t feel like you’re just buried and that there’s no hope–because there absolutely is.

Idea number one is to distinguish between must-do routines and optional routines.

There are some must-do things like we need to pay bills, we need food, we need clean clothes, and we need the home to at least be healthy enough to live in. But then there are a lot of optional routines, like dusting the ceiling. If you could see my corners right now, you would see that I do consider that to be optional. Washing the car is another one of those optional routines. There are some things that don’t have to be done. Also, a lot of our must-do routines can be stretched.

For example, if you don’t have time to do a full menu plan and get all the groceries for the week, you could just grab some milk to at least get through breakfast tomorrow or something like that. Recognizing that there is a spectrum of things that have to be done and things that are optional is going to help us focus. When times get super busy, we can just do the bare minimum or the minimum viable to get by.

Idea number two: If you are constantly stretching and doing the bare minimum with your routines, create some protected time to catch up and get your feet under you.

Last week, we had so much going on; Eric and I were going to a lot of events that were happening in our community. We had things happening with our family, big projects we were working on, and a conference coming up. It was kind of a lot, and I found that I had just been doing the bare minimum with so many things. Our fridge needed attention. There were items all over the house that needed to be put away. We’d had active messes that had turned into passive messes, and I was starting to feel stressed every time I came home because I could just see things piling up.

I took one evening and just stayed home. There was something else I could have attended, but I said, “You know what? I need to catch up.” I spent the evening cleaning the fridge, putting stuff away, turning on some music, and getting the house caught up. I could tell that I was feeling a lot more calm and present.

The thing is, sometimes it’s tempting to say, “Oh no, but I have to keep going.” But part of being an adult is looking at our lives, our schedules, and our commitments and recognizing that if you keep going, it’s coming at a cost. If you’re willing to pay that cost and it doesn’t stress you or your family out, that’s totally up to you. But I’ve found that I can only stretch so much before I need to take care of some responsibilities that need my attention.

Idea number three is to experiment and find the best time for your routines.

For something like a financial check-in, you want to be in a good mood and well-rested, able to give it your full attention. So maybe that’s something you schedule for an early morning when you and your partner can get up early and do it then. Or maybe it’s a Zoom call during lunch from your different workplaces, where you can focus together for a bit. Or maybe it’s Saturday night, where you have a late nap and then put the kids to bed and sit down together to go over things briefly.

With housework, you could combine laundry and cleaning. Instead of doing laundry one day and cleaning the house another day, say, “Hey, we’re going to do it all at once, and the whole family is going to get involved in a big cleaning party.” One of my friends has found that the family will plan meals together briefly, buy the ingredients, and then a different family member cooks each night, depending on their schedule for the week.

There are many ways to experiment and find out what works, but it’s also important to talk with the family, make this a family council, and have these conversations. It’s important to get some of these basics going in a way that doesn’t feel stressful.

Idea number four is to get creative, considering the people in your home and their ages and stages, and how you work together.

If you live alone and it’s totally you doing your routines, you can get creative with making phone calls or listening to audiobooks as you move forward on those routines. But if you have others in the home, often I find that the person who has the least tolerance for the mess ends up doing all the work. I hear things like, “Well, I could involve the family, but it’s easier if I just do it,” and I get that. But when you invest in teaching and training in positive ways, it alleviates the pressure on you as you move throughout the years and helps train your family members to do this for themselves.

For example, when our children were little and couldn’t work independently, I did what I called chain-link routines. We would clean, and I would tell each child, “Okay, you come to me, and I’ll give you a little job.” They would complete it and then come back for their next task. As they got older, I started doing rotations. I would say, “One of you is going to play with the baby, one will do a job independently, and one will do a job with me.” This way, I could help teach them if they needed to learn how to use some cleaning tools. Now that our children are older, I just text them a little list. They do their jobs, and we usually unload the dishwasher together or do basic cleaning together.

I encourage you to think creatively and not give up on the people in your home. If you can communicate clearly what you’re going for and everyone can learn that we all make the mess, then we all help clean it up. This can take a lot of pressure off you and create an environment where everyone enjoys being together.

Idea number five is to focus on the frequency of the routine, but be flexible with the time and day.

One of our community members made a routines list in a glass frame, printing everything on paper and using dry-erase markers. Throughout the week, as they got things done, they would mark it off. It wasn’t a strict Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday thing; it was just, “Hey, this week, here’s what we need to do,” and they could see their progress.

I do this often, saying, “I’m going to vacuum or clean the bathrooms sometime in the next few days.” If something comes up or I don’t feel like it, I just look at my calendar and see where I can move things around. I leave some block of time to get it done but don’t feel stressed about it.

The key is to avoid letting everything pile up for a single day, leading to stress and crankiness. As long as you give yourself some general time for these tasks and maintain flexibility, you’ll feel more relaxed and less resentful about events, family members, or interruptions.

Idea number six is one I often hesitate to share because I don’t want it to come across as critical, but I strongly consider simplifying your life.

If you feel like your job, commitments, or external factors pull you away from what truly matters, ask yourself: Is there a different job, or could you move closer to one? Are there some external commitments that could be simplified? Could you do fewer extracurricular activities? Could you not leave the house as often?

I know we all have unique lives; maybe someone loves their job and it’s worth it, and everyone loves their sports—it’s non-negotiable. That’s obviously up to you. But Eric and I have had countless discussions about this topic over the years. We always wanted to live close to his work or started working from home so we could have more time together. Our children didn’t do many extracurriculars; we encouraged them when they were excited, but we didn’t push it because we liked being home together.

Most of our decisions have created a life that is more home-centered and family-centered and a lot less externally focused. There are still many things pulling us out of the home, but we do a lot together. I encourage you to ask the hard questions, have those conversations, and brainstorm.

Imagine, “What if we did it like this? What would that do for us?” When it comes down to it, your values and what you truly care about—like family dinners, hanging out together, and building relationships while doing what you need to do—are essential.

I believe there are often ways to make it easier and lighter if we get a little creative and brainstorm together.

Next steps for you: I encourage you to take a few minutes and write down the routines that are most important to you. Identify the ones that need more attention and then go through the points we discussed. Ask yourself, “Are there ways I can be more creative? Can I block out time to catch up? Can I stretch some routines occasionally? Can I involve others?” Do some brainstorming. This will help you feel empowered and excited.

As you take on a leadership role in your home and family, open your mind to how these routines can get done in ways that feel great. You could also join our LearnDoBecome free community Facebook group to share the routines you’re working on and get ideas from other members.

Let me know how things are going! I’m so excited for you to wake up excited and go to bed content. Thank you for being here with us!nIf this has been helpful, please share this episode with your friends and get them involved so you can build amazing routines together.

We’ll see you soon!

Community Stories!

I wanted to share a few of the amazing, inspirational stories we received recently from members of our STEP (Steps to Everyday Productivity) program.

The first message and set of before and after photos comes from Bonnie:

This next message comes from Stacie!

And this final testimonial comes from Pamela: