EXHAUSTION FROM HAVING SEX WITH A MINOR : Written + read by Yahtzee Croshaw

Machine of Death

"The job of Prime Minister is no job for a weakling," said Derek Fortham MP, eyes shining in the TV spotlight. "Centuries of British politics have shown us that. It's a job that calls upon all of a man's strength. It's a job for men who know their limitations. Men with perspective. With drive." The audience was utterly silent, staring with goggle-eyed hero-worship as Fortham reached into his inside pocket and produced a white slip of paper, which he held between his first and second fingers and waved in time with his speech. "I always keep my death prediction close to my heart. At the age of fifty-seven I will be knocked down by a car; that's what it says. I don't fear it. I'll never run from it. When I see that car coming, I will stand with feet firm. That's the kind of strong leadership this country needs."