Death Of 1000 Cuts - Season 2 Episode 29 - The Dentist by Morgan (1st Page Critique)

Death Of 1000 Cuts

In today's episode I look at the first page of a listener's story and suggest ways of making it better. This is a great episode to listen to if you want to know: - how can I get some tips for editing my novel? - how can I write a great first line? - how should I describe my characters? - what makes good dialogue? - how can I think about the flow of a sentence? If you'd like to submit your work for a future show, you can do so via my website, here: http://www.timclarepoet.co.uk/ If you'd like to support me, please buy my novel, THE HONOURS. It's temporarily unavailable on Wordery, so here's a link to wonderful UK indie bookshop, Mr B's Emporium, who ship worldwide: https://mrbsemporium.com/shop/books/the-honours/ Finally, you can support the running of the show directly via my Ko-fi page: http://ko-fi.com/B0B17913 And here's today's extract (PS - I realise now 'against' is a two-syllable word - oops!): THE DENTIST (by Morgan) Joy wore a short, black, cotton dress, her hair tied back in a blond ponytail. Around her neck was a thin, golden chain with her star sign, a ram’s head. I had given it to her when we first met. I wore an open-necked, pale blue shirt under a dark-blue suit. It brought out the color of my eyes. We were celebrating my first proper television role. The restaurant terrace shimmered gold, the candle flames restless in the breeze from the ocean. The crashing waves drowned out the piano tinkling through the speakers. "I'm proud of you, honey," said Joy. “A speaking role.” "Let’s hope I don’t develop a stutter.” "Aw, that would be adorable!" said Joy, pinching my cheek. "Ow!" "Oh, sorry, honey, is that the bad side?" "It's okay," I said, "I'm just minding it, so it'll go away sooner." "You know..." started Joy. Our starters arrived, ending the conversation. I had curried oysters, Joy had asparagus salad. My mouth throbbed. I’d almost gotten used to it. I was pretty sure the tooth was rotten, that the cure would be worse than the disease. Lost in these thoughts I bit down on a mouthful and a sharp pain jolted my head. There was a hard lump in my mouth. I held my cheek and went to the bathroom. At the mirror I picked a cracked and rotten piece of tooth from my mouth. It was laced with blood and the smell of seafood.