Change is inevitable in all areas of life, whether it's business or relationships. This ultimately means that our expectations and commitments need to be reassessed as time goes on. How do you know when to stick with the commitments you made, or when to pivot or quit once and for all. On this episode, Cera speaks on the burnout she feels after podc…

Does everyone have a sense of humor? What if what your partner finds funny is not a joke to you? How do you handle inappropriate or even offensive jokes? On this episode, we discuss what makes us laugh as per the prompts of Week 21 from The Lover's Journal. How important laughter is to a relationship, and where humoring fosters the health of a rela…

Being in a long distance relationship can be deliberate or circumstantial. Regardless of how we find ourselves far apart from our partners, we need to embrace the positives of being in a long distance relationship, while bracing for the downsides of it. On today's episode, we discuss what really constitutes a long distance relationship, what makes …

Traveling as a couple, more so as an interracial couple, has its benefits as well as challenges. On this episode, Matthew and I discuss the experiences we have had traveling solo and as a couple, and also traveling in our home towns versus traveling to other cities and distant lands. This follows the monthly challenge #11 from The Lover's Journal: …

I am my worst critic. Yet what I've learnt in relationships is that, when we criticize ourselves so harshly, we are bound to also lack empathy when dealing with our partners. On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we look at how we can improve our relationship by becoming more encouragers and less of critics.…

To be right or to be happy? That is the question. To be right, you only need to crash your partner's or family's arguments and pride until they give up the fight. To be happy though, requires humility and self reflection. Because like it or not, we are always wrong in life as Kathryn Schulz writes in her book, Being Wrong; Adventures in the Margin …

Matthew and I have a hard time accepting compliments and love back, yet we welcome criticism way better. Does this mean criticism is our love language? On this episode, as per the Week 15 prompts of The Lover's Journal, we discuss what we admire most about each other as lovers, and what we need to do so our relationship can grow from just good to h…

Cheesiness is one of the qualities that have constantly served to keep our relationship healthy? Saying and doing the cheesy stuff is always easy at the beginning of a relationship. What happens though when the relationship is confirmed to be a longterm one? On this episode of The Interracial Couple, we discuss the cheesy things that still define u…

Self doubt sabotages all our relations since trust is the basis of them all. And if you cannot trust yourself, why should anyone trust you? Therefore overcoming self doubt is critical not just for the individual but also for the benefit of all the relationships they are in. How then can a partner help when one is struggling with self doubt? Is ther…

Do you and your partner have challenges communicating? Cera and I had communication issues too. We had to put in a lot of inner work to get to a point where we can communicate our needs with clarity. On this episode of The Interracial Couple we discuss how we overcame our communication troubles, and also our responses to the Lover's Journal prompts…

It's easy to ignore the magic of the everyday, normal routine parts of our relationships as we seem to treasure the 'big' events we organize with our partners, no? The guided prompts for Week 11 of The Lover's Journal reminded us to value 'the usual' parts of our day together as lovers. So on this episode, we cover: 1. The most recent event we had …

After our anniversary weekend I ended up in a funk. Drinking has that depressing effect on me sometimes. I tried all I could to get rid of the grumpiness: yoga, reading, Netflix, long showers... Nothing worked. Not even talking to my partner, Matthew. Fortunately, he did not take it personal (and wondered how I could mark our anniversary with sorro…

Expression of gratitude is essential in a relationship. This way a partner never gets to feel that their generosity is being taken for granted. This is not to say that generosity is done with the expectation of something being done in return. In this week's episode, we discuss the things we're grateful to our for: from Cera's choice to adopt levity…

Self discovery and self mastery are things you constant work on whether you're single or in a relationship. And needless to say, the journey to discover yourself and be in control of this identity is pretty hard. This is particularly difficult for people who date outside of their culture as any interracial couple will admit. This week we meditated …

Do you remember your first date? How magical was it? Is the magic from your most memorable date still there in your relationship? This week lets discuss our favorite dating experiences following The Lover's Journal Week 7 prompts: 1. What is your favorite date that you have ever been to with your partner? 2. What made it so? 3. What 1 thing can you…

Why is it so difficult for us to forgive ourselves and others? is it because forgiveness connotes something too big than can be done everyday? One this week's episode, we discuss forgiveness following The Lover's Journal prompts for Week 6: 1. Look at the last week, or the last time, when your lover upset you and write about it from their perspecti…

What does your partner do that makes you feel seen and understood? On the other hand, is there something you do that would make them complain they feel unseen and misunderstood? Also I was super-excited after getting engaged over the Valentine's Day weekend, but now I'm already feeling overwhelmed with post-engagement blues. I thought we'd enjoy ma…

Are all lovers predestined to meet? I believe Cera and I were predestined to meet and fall in love. I also believe it's predestined that today's the last day I call her my girlfriend. Are we breaking up? On today's episode, we explore the question of predestination, the origins of the challenges featured in The Lover's Journal, and our entries to t…

On this week's episode we take on The Lover's Journal prompts for Week 4: 1. What are the things you admire most about your significant other? 2. What can you do to support your lover's dreams and goals? 3. What words do you want to hear from your partner this week?By Cera & Matthew

The Lover’s Journal prompts for this week are: 1. What is your most treasured memory with your lover? 2. 1 thing you can improve in your relationship this week is? 3. What little thing can you do this week to bring more love into your relationship? So on this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast we discuss: -How love is a journey with happy in…

The Lover's Journal prompts for week 2 are: 1. List 5 things about your partner that make you smile and 2. how can you show up more authentically for your relationship this week? Answering the above questions proved a bit difficult since this week as Cera has been a bit depressed. This meant that our usual rhythm has been thrown out of whack. So in…

Most people give up on their goals after their first attempt at achieving these ends in failure. Yet the problem isn't the goals but rather the expectations. In this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast we share our experiences with failure over the years in our personal lives, relationships and businesses. The bad news is that you will also f…

What made you fall in love with your partner? Are they still there? What do they do everyday that makes you two stay in love? On this episode, Matthew and Cera make their first entries into The Lover's Journal. This week's prompt is: List the top 10 things that made you fall in love with your lover. They range from Matthew's ability for active list…

Culturally, we reward overactivity more than productivity. Yet to have a productive time requires that we take time out for recreation and self care. One of the habits I took up while in Kenya and especially in 2020 was giving myself more time to journal and tend to my inner garden -as it were. The benefits of doing this together with my partner ca…

Every couple argues -but when does it turn from simply arguing to fighting? On this weeks podcast, we discuss: 1. the differences between arguing and fighting 2. how Cera learnt to fight for the relationship instead of leaving to avoid conflict 3. how Matthew came to appreciate compromise as something that can make the relationship healthy 4. the m…

With most things we do in life, we have to jump in and learn on the go. No books, training or advice for others can ever prepare us fully as the experience we get from doing something by ourselves. For instance, you cannot study how relationships work unless you’re in one. Today on The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss the value of going throu…

It's inevitable for any committed relationship to change you: but why do others feel this as growth while others suffer it as a loss of identity? On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss: 1. Personal versus shared identity in a relationship 2. Signs that you're losing your identity to your partner 3. Is it true that we are the …

Is watching porn any different from watching Netflix? According to Cera it's all the same since we're not our thoughts therefore it cannot be cheating if I get off on watching hot videos of other women. Even then, I must admit I'd feel humiliated if my girlfriend walked in on me watching the stuff. On this Episode (42) of The Interracial Couple Pod…

One of the reasons relationships fail is our expectations that one partner will become our everything and fulfill all our needs in this life. No one person should be made to bear the pressure to do for us what we should do for ourselves plus what the whole community is for -yet that is the reality of our modern society. On this week's Interracial C…

Can you have a healthy relationship with a perfectionist? Most people will answer in the negative since perfectionism is something that has hurt more relationships than developed. It's for this same reason that my boyfriend denies being a perfectionist. On this week's episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss: 1. what is perfectionism, …

Body shaming affects both men and women. While there are so many movements that have come up to protest women being body shamed, male body shaming is an insidious issue that is not given the attention it deserves. This may be compounded by the fact that it's not socially acceptable for men to talk about their feelings being hurt. This is partly why…

How much does your partner know about your past -or just your day? What do you choose to share with your partner and what do you withhold? How do you choose these? On this week's episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, Cera and I discuss: 1. The definition of withholding and causes of withholding 2. The conditions that make sharing a necessity a…

What you wear is most times tied to your identity. So what happens when your partner tells you they don't like what to wear? How can they comment on your dressing style without putting you on the defensive? That's what happened with me and Cera. When we met, I used to wear a rugged mustache, torn boots and everything that didn't look out of place w…

Is sharing phone passwords with your partner really a mark of trust or an innocent mistake? What about sharing bank account details with your spouse? Where do you draw personal boundaries in a relationship? On this week's episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we discuss whether phones should be private in a relationship. This is following a co…

Do you and your partner share household chores or you divide labour along gender roles in your relationship? A Pew Research study shows that couples who share household responsibilities have healthier relationships. But how easy is for a couple to do away with traditional gender roles and have men and women share equally housework just as the other…

There are things that every couple must do before getting engaged and married. They are essential regardless of the culture each comes from. On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we discuss the five things that have helped us test our compatibility and readied us for marriage life ahead: 1. The Sex conversation 2. Money, debt …

Anger is a natural part of our lives. Yet anger is perceived in different ways by different people. For instance, while it is allowable -even encouraged in boys and men as part of being stoic, women are not allowed to have a temper. Moreso, black women like myself in fear of fulfilling the stereotype of the angry black woman. On this episode of The…

Hair shapes our identity either as individuals or as a people. So when Cera shaved her head bald over the weekend -it was a big deal. It's the first time in her adult life that she's shaved it this short. Why is that? On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we dive deep into: 1. Why a hair make over is the most natural means of …

Whenever I get into a disagreement with anyone, I always have this urge to prove I'm right by all means. But this week I decided to let go of this desire to be right. Cera had crippling pains in her leg, while she believed it was a critical injury, I believed it was just muscle spasm. On this week's episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we d…

There is no perfect family. We never get perfect partners and sure we never get to have perfect in-laws. For that reason it is destructive to a relationship when all we notice are the flaws in our partners' family and start to shit talk them. On this episode of 'The Interracial Couple Podcast', we discuss how my stay with my in-laws in LA has been.…

How does race affect our relationship? We identify as interacial couple because of the color of our skin. Otherwise, we would just be a regular couple. The last few weeks have been intense for Black people in America. First George Floyd and now Jacob Blake and countless of other people unnamed here. There is no time to heal or take a break. It’s ex…

We made a big mess earlier this week, and it was either we owned up to our mistakes or leave our relationship with my brother and his wife in ruins. It was a tough dilemma. How do you apologize after winning an argument? It did not take us long before Cera and I trooped back to my brother's house to take responsibility for the messed up day. The oc…

Last week we challenged ourselves to do a 7 days' long water fast. Yes, no food, just water. Mark you, three days before the water fast, we prepped our bodies by only taking fresh greens. And even when we got to breaking the fast, we stayed away from carts and most solid foods for a couple of days. So in effects it's been almost a fortnight since w…

As people who thrive on routine, Matthew and I have been drifting for the last few months since we lost our morning rituals. It all started back in Kenya with the uncertainties about our travel back to the States due to the pandemic. Yet even after we finally arrived here, it feels like we're still in the air -being blown around at the mercy of oth…

Coming to America We moved from black Kenya to white rural America last month. We were living in Kenya the last year and half and have now moved to Sonoma County in California. Our initial plan before COVID was to come to the States for 3 months- attend Graduation and see friends and Family and then move to Nairobi indifinitely. As the pandemic hit…

Not everything is all fun and games. Or more like, some fun and games got us pretty close to calling it quits. On this episode of The Interracial Couple Podcast, we share 9 Things that almost made us break up. Spoiler alert - those 9 things have nothing on us. We’re still together. Cera read a Hollocaust book while Matthew read a comedy book Packin…

When we started dating, we were “forced” into waiting to have sex. Cera and I were so hot for each other, but her best friend bet her she coudln’t wait until the end of the month to have sex. Matthew wanted her to win the bet - so we waited. In our Sex and Wine episode, we discuss: Benefits of waiting a bit to have sex after dating Consent for a ki…

What is your dealbreaker? After the recent episode of The Red Table Talks, where Jada and Will Smith opened up about the former’s ‘entanglement with August’, we decided to revisit a discussion we’d had earlier in our relationship about deal breakers. What would make one of us to call it quits? Would it be an affair? An “entanglement”? HIV infection…

How do you feel when you see a perfect couple lost in PDA at the park? Is it jealousy? Do you believe that the perfect couple is really perfect? In this episode of the It's Not All Black & White podcast, we discuss PDA, making public our fights, and who we keep up appearances for as a couple and who we don't mind sharing our struggles with. How do …

After living together and being in a committed relationship, the questions inevitably start coming: When are you getting married? When are you having kids? Conventional wisdom says that marriage and kids are an important step in the life of a loving, committed couple. But it’s always good to question conventional wisdom. Is it really wise? Does the…