Till The Wheels Fall Off (TWFO) podcast is hosted by Matt and Paige Robinson. TWFO focuses primarily on the relationship dynamics between spouses and partners of alcoholics or addicts and ways to best navigate the difficulties of codependent, addicted, unstable, and narcissistic behavior. The program is enjoyable and informative for anyone seeking self-betterment, inspiration, perspective, or direction with themes ranging from boundaries, recovery, marriage, and parenting with tons of humor ...
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Paige's Perspective: Challenging Our Negative Self-Talk
10:32
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode of Paige's Perspective, we dive into the impact of negative self-talk and the importance of self-compassion. Paige shares her personal struggles with perfectionism, shame, and cognitive distortions, and discusses how these negative thought patterns can hold us back. She explores the difference be…
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Being Held "Hostage" In A Relationship
1:07:51
1:07:51
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Recovery is no doubt hard, but support is not required or deserved especially from the people substance abusers have hurt the most. In some situations, spouses and partners can feel like they're being held captive due to several factors: threats of self-harm if they leave a situation, phrases like "I cannot do t…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode of "Paige's Perspective: Trusting Your Instincts," Paige explores the importance of reconnecting with our natural instincts in parenting, relationships, and life decisions. She reflects on how modern conveniences and societal pressures can sometimes dull our instinctual responses, leading us to s…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! 90 days is often cited as an appropriate time to commit to something in order to make it stick, but where does this come from? Can anything actually be changed in 90 days? Why 90 days rather than 21 or 300? In this episode we talk time in relation to change and discuss what types of change someone can make in ad…
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Paige's Perspective: The Power of Self Control
15:01
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this week's episode, we delve into the power of self-control. Inspired by an article on self-control by Steve Stewart-Williams, we explore its profound impact on our lives. Self-control isn't just self-care; it's the only thing we can truly control in life. From managing stress and improving physical health t…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we're covering the concept of selfishness as it pertains to acts of self-care. In many ways working toward sobriety can be seen as "selfish" when it's actually an act of self-care that leads to the elimination of selfish behaviors over time. This is true for people in recovery as well as spouses …
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Paige's Perspective: Coping with Uncertainty
10:40
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this week's episode of Paige's Perspective, Paige discusses how she deals with a problem we all face - uncertainty. Whether you are in a relationship with an addict (which creates TONS of uncertainty) or someone that struggles with planning to the extreme, there are several helpful tools and tidbits buried in…
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Reclaiming Self Love & Self Esteem When the Bare Minimum Is Asking "Too Much"
1:32:07
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Are you REALLY asking for too much? Why do so many accept the bare minimum standard for involvement in a relationship? If you are left feeling unfulfilled in a relationship, what can be done about it? In this episode we touch on these questions and many more as we venture into relationship standards and why we b…
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Paige's Perspective: Anxiety & Overwhelming Emotions
14:37
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this week's Paige's perspective, Paige is covering anxiety and overwhelming emotions. Paige recounts her struggle with anxiety disorder and how she overcame debilitating anxiety, panic attacks, and overwhelming fears. She discusses the tools she uses to break free from anxious thoughts and how she rationalize…
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You Are Stronger Than You Think - We Can Do Hard
1:18:42
1:18:42
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! This is an episode designed more like a charcuterie board than a main course. We discuss Independently Strong because we don't think we've really ever done a great job at communicating what it's about and the value to someone in a relationship with a person struggling with addiction. We then get onto topics that…
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Paige's Perspective: Complimenting vs Completing Your Partner
12:25
12:25
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Interdependence is important in our most intimate relationships. When one partner breaks down, we often find ourselves filling their cup and leaving ourselves empty. This is fine and well in relationships, but when addiction is involved the prolonged and persistent nature of the lack of support will leave you pl…
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Hear Me Out...If You Were Randomly Sent This, Please Listen
1:10:48
1:10:48
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Please just hear me out. The person that sent this to you is not as crazy or out of touch or nagging as you think. I'm not going to try to convert you to anything, I've just been where you are and someone that loves you dearly wants you to know there's a way out. If you were sent this randomly by someone, please…
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Paige's Perspective: Fake It Till You Make It
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this week's episode of Paige's Perspective, Paige discusses "fake it till you make it" and the importance of this annoying phrase and how there's actually something beautiful underneath it all. There are of course caveats, and all of them are discussed in this quick pick-me-up episode! Find video clips and fu…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Betrayal trauma refers to the deep psychological harm that occurs when someone experiences a significant betrayal within a primary relationship such as a romantic partnership and it impacts the victim's sense of trust, safety, and security. Codependency doesn't come close to touching on the trauma experienced by…
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Paige's Perspective: Emerging From the Cocoon - Empowerment
14:31
14:31
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this week's episode of Paige's Perspective, Paige dives deep into how she moved out of the cocoon phase and discusses timeframe, how she got started, and how fitness and self care really got the ball rolling. In working through the cocoon phase, you will discover that you can do hard things, push harder than …
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we discuss the cocoon phase of healing; a familiar place for many spouses and partners of alcoholics as they process the truth of their lives and relationships and begin to transition. The cocoon phase is important in the healing process or even through crisis as we reshape our identities, redisc…
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Paige's Perspective: How to Balance the F**ks You Give
19:02
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this week's episode of Paige's Perspective, let's talk about how to budget the f**ks you give just like a bank account. For a spouse or partner affected by addiction, life is overwhelming and things that once garnered a lot of your attention need to be let go - and things you never thought twice about, MUST b…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Compassion is a beautiful characteristic and necessary to some degree in relationships, but there can be too much of a good thing. While compassion is an important and valuable quality, excessive or misplaced compassion in such situations can lead to enabling harmful behaviors, compromising one's own well-being,…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Today marks the start of a new solo segment with Paige to supplement our regular weekly show to get you more help, more inspiration, and more lessons. It's called Paige's Perspective, and it's going to be a weekly message to our audience to provide more insight as to what a spouse's journey is like. This week Pa…
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What Are Spouses of Substance Abusers Recovering From?
1:11:28
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Many times spouses and partners are lost in a maze of issues that leave confusion and trouble answering a simple question, "What am I recovering from? What defines my recovery?" A marriage or relationship with an alcoholic or addict or a narcissistic or abusive person leaves the victim with issues ranging from P…
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Separate the Behaviors from the Addiction
1:13:57
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! How much should you focus on the substance? To what degree is the substance responsible for someone's behavior? Is it easier to forgive someone's bad behavior because they're addicted? Should compassion for a struggling addict or alcoholic overshadow your needs for an equal partner, or for honesty in a relations…
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How to Handle Friends Distancing Due to a Spouse's Addiction - Listener Q&A Pt.2
1:18:00
1:18:00
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We continue to answer listener submitted questions in this episode and address the following: 1. How do you learn to trust yourself and your instincts again when an alcoholic spouse has crippled your sense of self. 2. How involved should a spouse or partner be in the decisions around treatment (rehab), aftercare…
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Rebuilding Trust, Getting Your Needs Met, and Intervention Q&A
1:11:20
1:11:20
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We took listener questions for this episode and you can expect to find answers to questions such as: What should you expect when outside life events impact the recovery process, how to handle relapse, can trust be rebuilt after several relapses, is there a point at which trust is no longer on the table, how to h…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! The recovery journey for a spouse or partner of an alcoholic or addict is not as organized as that of a substance abuser and it's far less controlled. Treatment centers, IOP and PHP programs all over the country offer solace to people struggling from addiction and a safe place for them to get away from their env…
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How to Tell if Someone is Serious About Recovery
1:12:14
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Are they serious? Is this normal? How can you tell if someone is really invested in their recovery? In the world of addiction recovery, it's not exactly cut and dry. There are many paths to recovery, and we aren't concerned with how someone recovers, but as to whether real investment into sobriety and accountabi…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Exploring the harsh reality of abuse and its profound impact on spouses, families, and children is no easy feat. Often, we're tempted to deny its existence in our own lives, but that's a dangerous oversight. Our vision gets clouded; we shift blame to addiction or other factors, failing to see the deeper roots of…
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Anhedonia and the "Blah" Feelings of Recovery
1:05:59
1:05:59
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we discuss anhedonia, or what's commonly referred to as the "blah" feelings of early recovery for both the person coming out of substance abuse, as well as the spouse or partner. We cover the science behind anhedonia as well as what you can do to lessen its effects on your life and get back to fe…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Simply removing the substance accomplishes very little. The term dry drunk refers to someone that has not done "the work." The work is the uncovering of root causes and discovering the "why" behind someone's inability to cope with feelings and emotions that caused them to turn to drinking in the first place. In …
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Why the Past is Important - Accountability & Healing
1:04:58
1:04:58
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Phrases such as "We just need to move forward," "The past is the past, get over it," "Stop bringing up the past" may have a time and place, but not in your relationship post-addiction or after betrayal of any kind. Emotions buried alive never die. While it may be difficult to discuss the past, it's important to …
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In general, we don't like to be angry. It's uncomfortable and then we're faced with the proposition of confronting someone that has upset us which brings about an entirely new challenge. When it comes to anger with someone in active addiction, it's often futile to address concerns in a constructive way. So then …
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Lessons Learned Together After 4,000 Days Sober
1:16:23
1:16:23
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we discuss some of the lessons we've learned in 4,000 days of sobriety. We discuss pain management, and our partnership with Aleve in their new awareness campaign called "The Painful Truth." Our story is as much about healthy and safe pain management as it is addiction recovery and we discuss wha…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Being labeled a "Villain" is hurtful when you're just trying to protect yourself and your family. In this episode we delve into the complexities of being labeled the "villain" in someone else's story. Paige candidly shares her journey of grappling with self-esteem issues while navigating the role of the villain …
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Grief and Ambiguous Loss - Grieving The Loss of a Dream
1:14:54
1:14:54
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we cover a particular type of grief common when loving an addicted person called ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss is a profound sense of loss and sadness that does not stem from the death of a loved one. It may arise from a lack of emotional connection despite someone's physical presence, or conver…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Is the drinking really as bad as I feel it? Is this a serious problem or am I making something out of nothing? Did I sign up for this? Do I need to just suck it up? Am I overthinking or is my gut trying to tell me something? Addiction never feels like you think it would...chances are if you're asking yourself qu…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Overthinking can plague your mind with many scenarios, many of which are negative and lead to tumultuous thoughts and anxiety. It's more common today than it has ever been and it's not just unique to spouses and partners of alcoholics and addicts. Paige has recovered from anxiety disorder and is a self-professed…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! The state of denial never feels like you think it would feel...Most people believe they can intuitively recognize when they're in a bad situation but that's rarely the case. Denial can be a comfortable place to be, but it will suffocate you over time. We discuss 10 truth bombs about denial and our hope is that f…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Infidelity was not part of our story, but we get questions about it weekly. Does the cloud of substance abuse excuse infidelity? Was it really them making the decision to cheat? How do I know if them saying it's not their fault is true? How do you rebuild a relationship after infidelity? We answer these question…
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Let's Talk About Sex: Emotional and Physical Intimacy Q&A
1:17:48
1:17:48
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We took questions from the community and extracted the most commonly asked questions about emotional and physical intimacy. We've never openly talked about our sex life or thoughts on it, but we get open and discuss all things intimate in this episode. We talk about how to rebuild intimacy, why men view sex diff…
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Learning to Love Myself - How to Rebuild Your Self Esteem
1:19:31
1:19:31
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! If it were as simple as saying "Just love yourself" then wouldn't everybody have a high self-esteem? The work that takes place within a spouse or partner to rebuild after addiction is something we've talked about for a while, but never like this. Paige opens up in a way she never has before with details on the j…
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Codependency Doesn't Tell the Whole Story: Why You Lose Yourself in an Addicted Relationship
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54:25
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Books like "Codependency No More" and programs like CODA or Alanon offer a lot of helpful insight on the topic of codependency. Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship pattern where one person's self-worth and identity become excessively reliant on the approval and needs of another person. Codependency does…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Being a parent is HARD. The emotional labor and mental weight of decisions rests heavy on healthy couples in equitable relationships. Factor in addiction, and you often have all of the responsibilities of parenting amplified exponentially onto one parent...on top of the weight and uncertainty of being in a relat…
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GENTLE Self-Care: Self-Care For Beginners
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! Self-care...oh my. We hear so much about self-care. There are industries devoted to it, so many opinions and options, and the reality is that very few of them apply to people in survival mode. Self-care IS necessary for your wellbeing and recovery, but many of the diets, exercise regimens, morning routines, etc …
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How Will You Level Up Your Recovery In 2024?
1:01:55
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! With a new year comes reflection of the past. We consider what worked, what didn't and what needs to change moving forward into the new year. This episode is designed to be worked with a worksheet that you can find on our website in the blog section, and we strongly encourage you to follow along with us. We revi…
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Dealing With The Guilt You Feel In Leaving Or Setting Boundaries
51:53
51:53
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! If I'm doing what's best for me, why do I feel guilty? Even when we do what we know is best for us and our families, we have feelings of intense guilt in leaving a toxic relationship or even setting boundaries in one. We discuss natural (healthy) guilt versus manufactured guilt (unhealthy) and why this happens. …
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Listener Q&A - How to Navigate Difficult Seasons in Life Sober
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27:17
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We take listener questions from our community and inbox from time to time and we're going to answer a great question today. Often times addicts and alcoholics will justify relapses or use because of difficult life events . E.g., loss of loved ones, loss of employment, relationship troubles, stress, family drama,…
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! We've covered detaching with love before, but the concept deserves further exploration. Detaching with love is paradoxical. We know how to be in love, and we know how to detach...but detaching with love? It's a grey area concept that is rather difficult. It's required as part of the healing process for spouses a…
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A Doctor's Opinion: Dr. Christopher S. Taylor on Healing, Addiction, Narcissism, and Codependency
55:15
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! TWFO welcomes Dr. Christopher S. Taylor to the show to discuss a litany of topics such as healing, addiction, narcissism, abuse, boundaries, codependency, and much more. Dr. Taylor is the clinical architect behind Independently Strong's new course designed to help spouses and partners of alcoholics and addicts o…
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If a Friend or Family Member Sent This to You PLEASE Listen
50:43
50:43
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! It's incredibly hard to communicate to friends and family what it's like being in a relationship with an addict or alcoholic, or even an abusive person...they ask the obvious "Why are you still with them?!" followed by suggestions and advice that often make people feel belittled, invalidated, and alone. This epi…
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How To Talk With Kids About Your Addicted Loved One And Other Uncomfortable Topics
1:00:30
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! In this episode we go somewhere we've never gone before and have a discussion as parents, rather than a couple focusing on an addicted relationship. Talking to kids about addiction is extremely difficult to navigate, it's even more difficult when you're talking to them about their own mother or father. We touch …
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Healthy Communication - A Vision For Growth
1:03:08
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Have an episode suggestion? Text us! The final part in a series on communication covers what healthy communication looks like. We often disregard the need for healthy communication and "Stick with what we know" but there are tried and true methods to effectively communicate your needs and let others feel heard in the process. We discuss these metho…
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