LIKE THE SEATTLE F**KING SOUNDERS AND BRUCE LEE, WE ARE ENTERING THE RANCOR. How we have missed you. The Sounders sacrificed Will Bruin to Mahogany so they could play Pyramids FC’s greatest foe, and Auckland is DEFINITELY NOT in Australia. Where is Zealand, anyway? To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audac…

This episode, while Branden-less, brings back a favorite of the show, sports PR powerhouse Jose Moreno. Jose has been chirping at Gregr to get pitchside and take some photos like a real journalist. The conversation touches on a rough season from the perspective of a professional (Jose) vs that of the fan (Gregr). It's such a fun talk with the drums…

Get ready for your call-up to USMNT Soccer Duty and Greg’s fightin’ Glueys. We’re waiting for the foreign Whale royalty to cough up the ambergris and start funding this podcast. Thankfully, Cristian Roldan got rid of his groin, but is he the most important player for the Seattle Sounders? Are we getting a new tattoo? We discuss. To learn more about…

Take a glug of your Wild Gergy Whiskey and stay seated on this airboat, we're going swampin'! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoicesBy Audacy

Podcast start, I mean, what did we learn this week... wait we're in Florida and already feeling dumber. Rocket talk, Sounders in Orlando this week, and general central Florida dirt-baggery. Ceej believes a lot of things he'll share. Let's go! Make sure if you like this to join Tropic Sound sub-group of ECS if that's your thing. To learn more about …

J-mo, you’re an all-star, get your game on, go play. Raul, you’re an all-star get a neck tat, get paid. All that glitters is gold, only shooting Gluey will beat CONCACAF gold... To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.c…

It’s been awhile, but like Raul Ruidiaz, WE’RE BACK, and not a moment too soon. The #Sounders take on the Fightin’ Debs this weekend, so of course we talked about whether Sammy the Sounder needs to be sexier like the Mariner Moose, and whether or not we need to fire Brian Schmetzer because WE haven’t won a major trophy since May. Also, someone plea…

Hope you're not wearing a shirt because after a month away we've got weird nipple stuff to take care of today. It's Gregr's favorite time of the soccering year and Branden's welcome back his annual mustache to celebrate! Also, pretty sure an F-bomb got by the keeper at some point... full90podcast.com to link up! To learn more about listener data an…

Can Darth Lagerway, Schmetzer the Hutt, and Stefan Freiwalker get the job done with their second leg on Wednesday? Thank the spirit of Mike Dean for VAR in Mexico, and for the big Brad Evans energy that Nico Lodeiro was feeling from the spot. Let a former sandwich artist and a current sandwich eater break it all down for you in a definitely weekly …

Imagine when they're all playing well at the same time! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoicesBy Audacy

Another definitely weekly look into why Nouhou is so angry and the new technology changing the landscape of professional soccer in the United States, VAR Glasses. Will Cristian Roldan need to sacrifice a migrant worker to get Gregg to play him and will Nouhou even be a Sounder by the time he plays in the 2022 World Cup? These, like almost everythin…

It's a little weird that Garth prioritizing the Cup of CONCACAF Cup means we basically field S-2 on with Leo Chu (S-Chu) but it still sorta sucks that Sounders FC have been blanked in good ol MLS play - keep in mind, still no goals on the season. Someone's got a big ol' butt, someone else with a brace, and one of us is broadcasting from a hotel roo…

Normally we wouldn't spend time talking about non-Sounders FC related material for the first 20 minutes, but this episode we made an exception. Warm up your peas for your peens for this week’s question of the week, which Pokémon is your favorite Sounder? Nouhou is making three Nouhous, and Leo Chu is basically DB Cooper. It’s finally time to soccer…

Need a reason to get excited about buildings?! What about three-legged horse skeleton mascots fighting whales in the parking lot? The Sounders play a real match this week and announced a bunch of other stuff too like a kit that looks good in pictures but not with your eyeballs. The Big Bad Nouhou Daddy returns to help the need-a-whale-in-the-crest …

Careful where you point that webcam, last thing we want is a Swiss Nouhou doing an Australian Wilson. Your never weekly look into Seattle Sounders FC is back to mourn the loss of Brad Bradsmith and talk about not disturbing the ghost spirits of some dead horses in Tukwila. Let’s hope the ancient glue burial ground gives the Sounders some good juju.…

Let us cram six weeks of missing episodes into 45 minutes of fun! The first 30 minutes might even be good... We need to know who you think has the best butt on the team #bestbutt. There's a new league for Tacoma, a new stadium for OL Reign and potentially a new home for Raul Ruidiaz. That last part sounds messed up. Anyway, we're back just in time …

We’re not in Kansas anymore, but don’t tell Raul Ruidiaz or his mother. The Sounders are playing like #HotGarbage and now Will Bruin is doin his knee surgery. The boys head north to blame Canada and show that turfboni Spencer Richey’s Boni puts it to shame. Take your SSRIs and get in here. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices…

You may have thought we were dead, but we were just mildly distracted! Welcome back to the fun. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoicesBy Audacy

Some things you're born with, other things are a choice - when the two come together sometimes life gets floppy. Which Sounders FC player would we most like to see as his evil Wa-twin - hint: it's not Walodeiro. Also, fun fact,: Waluigi first appeared in the year 2000. Get ready for a whole huge bag of farts you ***********s! To learn more about li…

We, too, understand the difficulties of doing hard work, so we feel you, Sounders. This week, Peruvian Batman and the Junior Justice League take on Jan Jose in what definitely is not a trap game where Wondo totally won’t score in extra time. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy …

Zombie-diaz is giving us big Nate Jaqua vibes, and Will Bruin is giving us more than we bargained for. We have more questionable ideas about a new Sounders crest and a new Sounders goal celebration that will leave the opponents picking fish guts out of their hair. Someone buy Stef a beer (or a house). To learn more about listener data and our priva…

#NoNoNotLikeThat To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoicesBy Audacy

Here’s your chance to name Branden’s baby! Sorry, Helicopter is already taken. The UNDEFEATED Sounders host the British Morlumbia Real Vancouver WhiteSaltlakes FC. Come for the soccer; stay for the pancake recipe. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad cho…

Suffering from a severe case of Kangaroo Glaucoma, our baby bald big golden bogan boi is coming home. Clint Dempsey is a walking meme (but hasn’t he always been?) and the only way Fredy could get more Seattle is if he smoked weed in beautiful Ballard while watching Fraser. Dempsey Dempsey Dempsey Dempsey Dempsey. To learn more about listener data a…

The Brian Schmetzer Orchestra takes on the [Extremely Matthew McConaughey voice] “not good not good not good” Austin FC after a Deb-tastic draw against the flying Josefs. The pandemic made us all jerks, but at least the new kit makes us look skinny, but seriously folks, we wish they just put the 5G in us instead of the UEFA Level B Coaching Badges.…

Imagine not supporting the Sounders? The bald gets it done again and daddy Schmetz’s boys take care of old man Bob Sadley. The FC Columbus Crew SC got rid of their Dorito and the padawan trio of Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle have a new master. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy L…

What. Was. That. Which Roldan is a Sounders legend? Answer: yes. We find out just how many Nouhous Nouhou is actually making, and why all the coffee at Starfire and Lumen might start tasting like Santos... LAFC in town this weekend, but who cares, Sounders are hot fire. Photo by ISIPhoto.com To learn more about listener data and our privacy practic…

Do you look like you know math? Aaron does. Fredy Montero switched his numbers around and brought out peak 2012 while NewHou looked like OldHou and Yeimar looked thicc. Wash your hooves and hide your pipe because they’re looking for your horse drugs. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privac…

Sit down, grab your spicy ‘yaki and join us for a few minutes of #HotGarbage and XXL bikes (don’t combine spicy teriyaki and bike rides though without a travel #bidet). We take a peak behind the digital ad boards and find the marketing genius wizard bird. Praise be Nouhou. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://w…

ALWAYS LISTEN TO NOUHOU. We wag our fingers (and our big dumb mouths) at one member of the Sounders FC central defense and make up for missing our 4/20 pod with 69* dumb jokes about our new league villain, who just gave me a swirlie. Off to pet Mr Dr Murder. *def not 69. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www…

Right before recording, we said, “let’s remember to be dumb,” then we were smart for like, 10 minutes straight. We’re sorry. We made up for it with bad Chewbacca impressions. Nouhou is a New HouMan and relaxed Arreaga has way less waggin’. Let’s hope the Nico-less in Seattle Sounders Football Club can prove major league soccer soccer dot com dot co…

Looks like the band is back together, and by band we mean two dudes who used to do magic in Utah. Fredy Montero is teaching Nouhou how to wax, Ruidiaz gets his green card, and Arreaga gets his red card (probably). TLDL - don’t be the third guy to get bonked. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.co…

This is the same episode as yesterday but without cutting Branden off mid-sentence. The injustice, we know! Anyway, thanks/sorry but what were you expecting from this show?! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/a…

This kit is #hot, it’s our bodies that are #garbage. Haterz gonna hate, but Sounders gonna cash in on a son about the history of the wars on Neptune. Look, we’re gonna be honest, we spend a lot of time talking about this wizard bird kit and a little bit of time talking about how we aren’t over the fact Danny Leyva WAS ROBBED. To learn more about li…

LIBERTY LIBERTY LIBERTY CLAP CLAP CLAP. We finally figured out what Zulily does, and finally, a review that *gets* us. It’s impossible to tear your hamstring in Canada (because you end up tearing something else). Go get a cup of Fredy’s coffee, and listen to our garbage. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www…

We’re back, and we’re so sorry. We finally found the megazord of Branden and Gregr’s favorite sports (and the athletes even look like Power Rangers), plus we prove just how little we know about what happened in the Sounders offseason! God I hope we bleeped everything. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.au…

The offseason abyss is upon us, but not until we figure out a Nouhou way to make money, one suitable for your resume. We talk all the players who are coming back (like Jowel Paulo), the ones who are leaving, and the ones who are starting their own consulting firms in 2021. BRB - figuring out how to waste your time with new episodes this offseason. …

The Combination DJ Schmetz House Muzik/Taco Time went BANANAS last night and we’re going to the Cup! Minnesota got all Fartland leaky in the end and Big Bill Energy took over. We spent way too much time talking about actual soccer but at least our wives aren’t mad at us! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www…

Top o’ the mornin’ to Shane O’Neill and ABSOLUTELY NOBODY ELSE. The man who we all expected to carry us into playoff glory...checks notes… Shane O’Neill used his noggin to secure yet another berth into the Water Closet Finals. It’s a good thing he’s a big boy because that green screen jersey is gonna sell SO MANY ADS. To learn more about listener d…

We've got an idea to really anger the "football" purists that quickly gets wiener-y and then we basically spend an entire episode hashing out the existence of commentator Taylor Twellman. One of our shows got cancelled but it's not the one about ol' crazy legs - #ThatsSoNouhou. Sure glad it wasn't him with the #NouFlu... or is it #FluHou? To learn …

Would you rather fight 100 LAFC size FC Friscos or 1 FC Frisco size LAFC? Some guy older than Ichiro bought into the Sounders because his wife loves Macklemore, and Hodor Dame gets a new logo. It’s a slow news week, ok? To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your …

Seattle managed to claw back second place in the Western Conference with a big win on hashtag Decision Day double hashtag dollar sign, but could it have been better to be bested by Fartland and their farts? To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. V…

Is Brian Schmetzer about to get paid or get let go (and do you want to win Branden’s new house)? Sounders play twice in the post-election dystopia that makes about as much sense as how they are deciding the MajorLeagueSoccerdotcom.com standings. Put your green screen mask over your bald head and dive in to this week’s new pod. To learn more about l…

King of the Mountain Sounders FC made the playoffs for the 12th time in 10 years playing against Vancouver Montero in Portland (past Branden and Gregr are very confused). FIFA 21 is ALL OVER THE PLACE with their characters, but at least they got the neck tattoos right (and oo la la Cristian Roldan can GET IT). Also, we have a website now so @ us ne…

Get off the ATV that turns into a helicopter that Obafemi Martins bought for you and listen to this podcast. Mauro Rosales gives expert medical attention, and expert medical attention is what all four of our left backs need. Jordan Morris, on the other hand, needs a rest, especially before he joins the Yeimar/Torres Megazord. To learn more about li…

The team that once got the plagued also got stopped by corona - no match against Colorado this week means a Sounders FC squad that looked they were fresh out of dental surgery and straight on to the pitch have a little extra time to recuperate before Sunday's away match against "Jan" Jose. We have seeds and trees and birds and bees, plus, the unexp…

Finally, this podcast is taking a stand on something: we are Pro PRO Pro/Rel and we don’t care who knows. Boy 1 and Boy 2 here to tell you that Big Boi and Joao Boy-o are going to be our saviors as Ruidiaz dips to Peru for the annual guinea pig games. Hide your wives, because Brad Evans is making eyes and he knows exactly what he’s doing. This epis…

Hey boss babe, sell five chankonabes and become a Yokozuna like me, Alex Roldan. Roman Torres is BACK to retain his title as biggest boi, and to defeat the northern invaders, Whitecaps FC who are Bryan Meredith-less (#FindBryan) in Seattle. Who has the best thick hot beef in Seattle? To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit…

If you’re still getting your news from mlssoccerdotcom.com, what are you doing? Tour de France, check. Sumo, check. Sumo de France, check. Geopolitical breaking news and Thursday night television, double check. It’s all here on Full90somethingsomething we should figure out what we are called on social media. To learn more about listener data and ou…

In the literal hellscape we currently live in, it would appear that it is also a groundhog day of a season as the Sounders will play LAFC for the infinith time, but at least LAFC only beat San Jose 5-1. It’s a good thing the Sounders play in America otherwise they would score less goals, and it’s too bad Vancouver plays in Vancouver AC instead of B…