Best I M Horrified Podcasts (2024)

1
Day 25: Stop Asking Me How I’m Feeling 29:55

3h ago29:55

29:55

Triple negative breast cancer means aggressive chemo, and for Tita, dealing with everyone else's worry on top of it is too much. With her first chemo session completed, she's determined not to let cancer overshadow her gratitude for the good things in her life. After her mom's death and some family issues, Tita found a lump in her breast, leading t…

1
I’m never being mean to myself ever again… 11:56

8h ago11:56

11:56

In this episode I discuss my new philosophy on self sabotage and how I came to this realization.

1
Day 1: A Horrifying Diagnosis 37:29

7d ago37:29

37:29

Following the loss of her mother and some traumatic family drama that came with it, Dr. Tita Gray discovered a lump in her breast. Scared but determined, she moves quickly to get a biopsy and finds out she has breast cancer. Further scans show it’s worse than initially thought, so her doctor recommends aggressive chemo ASAP. Links How Not to Die by…

1
Kristen Update: I’d Prefer to Have a 2nd Type of Cancer 25:21

16d ago25:21

25:21

The results of Kristen's PET scan showed two lymph nodes lighting up, one in the gastro-hepatic area of her abdomen and the other in the lining of her esophagus. While it could just be inflammation, Dr. Ali wants her to see a gastroenterologist but the earliest appointment is almost two months away. Puzzling through the scenarios (as if she has a c…

1
Kristen Update: Shouldn’t I Be in the Hospital? 30:25

2M ago30:25

30:25

After a fiasco in Escondido involving multiplying rodents and toxic air quality, Kristen’s on the move again. The pulmonologist found ground glass lungs and an enlarged heart, then Dr. Ali found an enlarged lymph node between her liver and stomach and asked for a PET scan. With recurrence always lurking, we play the old, familiar waiting game. ====…

1
Late Night Thoughts: Episode 4-Creativity 4:17

6M ago4:17

4:17

in this episode I discuss the importance of creativity

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Recurrence: Natasha’s Nonstop Obsession 27:12

8M ago27:12

27:12

About to turn 60, Natasha is in a dark place thinking of other things that can go wrong with her health if she’ll have to go it alone. Even though a routine MRI is clear, she obsesses about cancer spreading to other areas that aren’t being checked. Following her mother’s recent lung cancer diagnosis, Natasha worries more for her than she did for he…

1
Alicia’s DIEP Flap Reconstruction [Part 2 - After Surgery] 34:37

9M ago34:37

34:37

5 months after her DIEP flap reconstruction surgery, Alicia returns with an update. Although the original plan was to do a DIEP flap on both sides, it didn’t turn out that way and she still has an expander on the other side. Still unsure what to do next, Alicia is taking her time to decide. If she had known things would go the way they did, she bel…

1
Alicia’s DIEP Flap Reconstruction [Part 1 - Before Surgery] 26:51

1y ago26:51

26:51

With the BRCA mutation and a family history of breast cancer, the “clock” started ticking for Alicia with biannual screenings at age 30. She tried to keep up with the screening schedule, but had young children and decided to go to nursing school. Nine uneventful years went by until she was diagnosed with Stage 2 HER2 negative hormone positive breas…

1
Natasha Update: Out, Dang Port! 30:54

1y ago30:54

30:54

Natasha’s port is out and is huge, resembling a miniature computer mouse. She still believes getting a port was the best decision she’s ever made and now that it’s gone, she can wear her old clothes again. While she enjoys living alone and is back at work five days a week, advice from her oncologist has her rethinking her relationship with alcohol.…

1
Defeating Stage 3 Breast Cancer: Kristen Vengler’s Courageous Battle on Cancer U Thrivers with Andrea Wilson Woods 41:59

1+ y ago41:59

41:59

In this episode of Cancer U Thrivers, hear Kristen’s interview with author, speaker, entrepreneur, and patient advocate Andrea Wilson Woods on her podcast Cancer U Thrivers. Kristen walks Andrea and her audience through her experience with stage 3 breast cancer, from finding her tumor in the shower, to chemo, her mastectomy and reconstruction, to r…

1
Kristen Update: The Last of the Post-Treatment Horrors and Indignities (We Hope) 33:09

1+ y ago33:09

33:09

After a hard fall, Kristen breaks several ribs and at a scan to check for a ruptured implant, the radiologist sees a Skittle-sized spot near her breast implant just in time for the two year anniversary of her diagnosis. On the heels of a brand new set of post-treatment horrors and indignities, Kristen returns to share the good, the bad, and the ugl…

1
Day 295: The Trauma Has Made Me Softer 32:59

1+ y ago32:59

32:59

Natasha adjusts to post-treatment daily life, continuing with hormone blockers and finally seeing a mental health professional. While working with less fortunate patients who don't have mittens or cold caps, Natasha looks back with gratitude on how privileged her treatment experience was. At work, she finds herself pushing patients much harder to a…

1
Day 246: Here, Have Another Biopsy 32:08

1+ y ago32:08

32:08

After a scan shows a 1.2 cm nodule on her thyroid, Natasha goes for a biopsy which comes back with complicated results. Not wanting any more surgery or radiation right now means there’s a difficult decision to make. Three and a half weeks of radiation end without any terrible burns or skin issues, but celebrating feels phony because it’s never real…

1
Day 203: I Still Choose to Show Up 32:46

1+ y ago32:46

32:46

The radiation oncologist sends Natasha to a psycho-oncologist (did you know that was a thing?) because her antidepressants aren’t working, making self-care too hard. This forces her to confront the mental health struggles caused by the abrupt end of her time in Malawi, the surprise end of her 25-year marriage, and a cancer diagnosis all happening a…

1
Day 175: Healthcare Nonsense and Red Tape 42:08

1+ y ago42:08

42:08

Natasha is given three options for radiation treatment, but it’s a challenge since everyone has been making decisions for her up to this point. She decides on three and a half weeks of radiation to the breast and the lymph nodes in the armpit. Down to just 104 pounds, she feels like a scarecrow in her clothes. Hoping to gain 10 pounds by the end of…

1
Day 160: Cancer Free But Now What? 33:08

1+ y ago33:08

33:08

It’s been two weeks since Natasha’s lumpectomy and because no evidence of cancer was found during surgery, she has been declared “cancer free” by her surgeon. The day of surgery was long and a little emotional from the anesthesia, but recovery has been less painful than expected. Food has flavor again and in her words, “it’s about bloody time!” The…

1
Day 146: Covid Ruins Everything Again 29:44

1+ y ago29:44

29:44

After Natasha and friends travel to Mexico to celebrate the end of chemo, it’s her turn to catch COVID which delays her lumpectomy surgery for a week. Her nerves are shot from constant fear of the unknown. Because there’s nothing visible on her most recent mammogram, she worries they’ll find all kinds of horrors during surgery and with chemo behind…

1
Day 111: Covid Ruins Everything 29:19

1+ y ago29:19

29:19

Thanks to the incredible cold cap technology, Desert Essence shampoo, and seldomly using a brush, after six rounds of chemo Natasha still has her hair. Meanwhile, everything else is falling apart. Plans to celebrate at a fancy restaurant are wrecked when her date gets COVID and none of her friends can go. An insurance snafu just 2 days before her l…

1
Day 100: Fake Celebrations & IV Hydration 22:09

1+ y ago22:09

22:09

With five sessions down, Natasha feels less like a nurse and more like a patient. Her final chemo treatment is next Wednesday, and the planned end-of-chemo celebration feels fake because surgery and radiation are still ahead. Because food tastes even worse than before, she lives off rice and beans. To keep the weight loss from further eroding her s…

1
Things You Need For Surgery with Dana Donofree 46:06

2y ago46:06

46:06

Dana Donofree & Kristen outline the essential shopping list for surgery and recovery, from what to bring to the hospital through the different stages of recovery. Support the podcast by ordering your AnaOno favorites through our links! As an affiliate of AnaOno, we earn a few dollars if you purchase any items and our listeners also get 15% off with…

1
Day 79: How to Win Yourself a Trip to Urgent Care 25:44

2y ago25:44

25:44

After her 3rd chemo, Natasha is too tired to eat. All food loses its flavor and only texture remains, so peaches and sushi taste the same. She becomes so dehydrated that she wins herself a trip to urgent care for fluids. Wondering if she metabolizes chemo more slowly than others, she plans to set a hydration date after the next infusion. She used t…

1
Day 43: Things Are Unraveling 32:46

2y ago32:46

32:46

Natasha attempts a somewhat normal life by continuing to work and dating someone new. But behind the scenes, things are unraveling. She receives news about the alarming masses on her liver and thyroid. After her second chemo, unusual and disturbing side effects lead her to wonder how many other unexpected surprises are headed her way. Links Support…

1
Day 20: Oh Wait, It Might Be Stage 4 36:19

2y ago36:19

36:19

Horrific acid reflux is keeping Natasha up at night. None of the remedies recommended by her doctors make a difference, except for handy dandy marijuana. Radiology detects spots on her liver and thyroid and calls her in for an emergency MRI. The oncologist explains that if the liver lesions are looked at and she actually has stage four, her chemo t…

1
Day 1: Chemotherapy and Cold Caps 35:07

2y ago35:07

35:07

On the eve of her first chemotherapy infusion, Natasha hauls a pile of new prescriptions home and questions why so much harm must be done to be “healthy” again. After meeting her oncologist Dr. Chen, a specialist in HER-2 positive breast cancer, the clinical trial that originally sounded promising turned out not to be a good fit, leading to a much …

1
Day 0, Part 2: The Pathologist Never Calls With Good News 40:26

2y ago40:26

40:26

As a nurse, it was easy for Natasha to think of all the things the almond-sized lump in her armpit could be other than cancer, so she moved along with her busy life. When she realized it was not going away, her doctor sent her for a mammogram. It took six weeks to get there and then her busy schedule delayed it again. The mammogram saw nothing in e…

1
Day 0: I Found My Own Tumor and Ignored It 24:51

2y ago24:51

24:51

While leading a Doctors Without Borders mission in Malawi, Natasha’s husband of 25 years blindsided her by ending their marriage in a text message. She returned home, fell into bed for a few weeks, and eventually with the help of her friends she pulled herself together and went back to work. A few months later when she discovered an almond-sized lu…

1
Day 549: If This Is What Kills Me, At Least I Lived a Good Life 26:39

2y ago26:39

26:39

Persistent foot pain caused by chemo forces Kristen to spend hours each day on physical therapy, taping, and stretching her feet at home. Wowing her friends with her ingenuity, she reveals that flesh-colored socks with the toes cut out are the trick to wearing flip flops to a wedding. A few weeks before her final reconstructive surgery in a moment …

1
Day 526: The Last Night Before The Last Surgery 27:14

2y ago27:14

27:14

On the eve of the final reconstructive surgery, which coincides with the 1-year anniversary of her mastectomy, Kristen reflects on how far she’s come and how many things are different from what she expected. Finally relenting to the damage in her feet, she applies for a handicapped placard and shares her relief over no longer having to schlep acros…

1
Day 463: Porn Star Sized Breast Implants Were Never On My Bucket List 18:38

2y ago18:38

18:38

Six weeks after the (evil) expanders are out and new 700cc “porn-star-sized” breast implants are in, Kristen shares what it feels like to be on the other side of the painfully long process of stretching her skin to make room for the permanent replacements. After falling into the bushes while climbing the path to her beloved apartment near the beach…

1
Two Nurses Turned Patients: Author Theresa Brown, RN & Natasha Curry, NP 37:53

2y ago37:53

37:53

As a nurse, you never truly understand the level of terror your patients are experiencing until you become one yourself. New York Times best-selling author Theresa Brown, RN, shares her breast cancer treatment journey along with details about her new book, “Healing.” Diagnosed with breast cancer in fall of 2017, Theresa underwent a lumpectomy and f…

1
Natasha’s Story: Nurse Becomes Patient [Season 2 Trailer] 6:13

2y ago6:13

6:13

Natasha Curry is not your everyday average nurse. As a palliative care nurse practitioner at San Francisco General Hospital, she cares for the poorest and most vulnerable at what is often the most challenging time of their lives. Many patients are homeless and also struggling with substance abuse and mental illness, in addition to cancer and other …

1
Beating Lymphedema with Lymphatic Massage Expert Christine Galione, MSPT, CLT 39:59

2y ago39:59

39:59

When and if lymph nodes have to be removed in the course of breast cancer treatment, lymphedema is a persistent aftereffect that must be treated and cared for following surgery, sometimes for many years. Special guest and lymphedema specialist Christine Galione, MSPT, CLT is a physical therapist and expert lymphatic massage practitioner at Scripps …

1
Things You Need for Radiation with Jen Delvaux 47:28

2y ago47:28

47:28

To help make radiation go a little better, Kristen teams up with guest Jen Delvaux to talk about their radiation experiences and share the little things that made them more comfortable. Most women head into radiation not knowing the process or what to expect. Intimidating machines, tattoos, buzzing noises, orders about how to move (or not move) are…

1
Day 422: The Weight is Off My Chest 22:23

2y ago22:23

22:23

It’s the day after Kristen’s surgery to replace her expanders with permanent breast implants, and she’s already feeling much better. For the last 33 weeks, Kristen lived with a constant 2-4 pain level from the uncomfortable and awkward expanders. Today her chest looks normal again, even if it will never feel the same. Kristen trusted her plastic su…

1
Day 420: Goodbye Franken-Boobs 24:48

2y ago24:48

24:48

It’s the night before Kristen’s implant exchange surgery. After 9 long months, the painful, lopsided tissue expanders will be replaced with silicone gel breast implants and her constant pain will come to an end. At her pre-op appointment with Dr. Pacella, Kristen imagines choosing the new boobs will be like walking into a candy store and exploring …

1
Day 403: What They Don’t Tell You About Hormone Blockers 34:12

2+ y ago34:12

34:12

Nobody told Kristen just how horrible the side effects from the hormone blockers would be. The neuropathy in her feet causes her to walk like an old woman and she struggles with simple, everyday movement like standing up from the couch or walking up stairs. To combat calcium loss from the hormone blockers, Kristen has a Zometa infusion which causes…

1
Day 365: I'm Still Here 28:34

2+ y ago28:34

28:34

Kristen returns to Austin during the holidays to help a friend recover from surgery, clear out the last of her old things from the storage unit, and close the door on 26 years of her life. A stinky side effect leads us to invent a new dance move, and in honor of the 1 year anniversary of Kristen’s diagnosis, we attempt a round of rapid fire questio…

1
Deconstructing Kristen’s Breast Reconstruction with Plastic Surgeon Dr. Salvatore Pacella (Part 2) 22:05

2+ y ago22:05

22:05

In part 2 of our conversation with plastic surgeon Dr. Salvatore Pacella, we go behind the doors of the operating room to understand how the team functions and learn some surprising things about surgery. Looking back on Kristen’s extraordinary pain in the hours following surgery, we get real answers about how and why her pain was so extreme and wha…

1
Deconstructing Kristen’s Breast Reconstruction with Plastic Surgeon Dr. Salvatore Pacella (Part 1) 27:25

2+ y ago27:25

27:25

Kristen’s plastic surgeon Dr. Salvatore Pacella joins us to deconstruct her breast reconstruction and help us understand his strategy for the multi-stage approach in which the expanders are placed at the time of mastectomy and replaced with breast implants following radiation. We ask all the unanswered burning questions, including whether he can ev…

1
Day 301: Another Day in the Valley 22:52

2+ y ago22:52

22:52

Two months after radiation, Kristen’s chest isn’t looking like such a hot mess anymore. But in mental health terms, we’re in the valley now and nobody knows how deep or wide that valley will be. Kristen learns the hard way what happens if she misses a dose or two of her hormone blockers, and explains what her physical therapist is doing to prevent …

1
Day 248: Nothing Will Ever Be The Same Again 28:07

2+ y ago28:07

28:07

Despite increasing pain and burns from the most recent round of radiation, Kristen manages to keep up with work and spend time with a friend at the beach. With only five days left until the end of radiation and “no evidence of disease,” surely there’s a celebration in store? On one hand, yes, and maybe even a silly Halloween costume in the works. O…

1
Day 198: Why I Decided to Have Radiation 38:47

2+ y ago38:47

38:47

Weary and desperate for a break in the relentlessness of breast cancer treatment, Kristen makes the decision whether or not to proceed with radiation. While the medical team followed a tight protocol during chemo and surgery, suddenly now to receive advice, statistics, or data she has to ask the right person and the right questions to inform her ne…

1
Day 176: This Is Not The Outcome We Wanted 32:20

2+ y ago32:20

32:20

Kristen goes into the operating room hopeful that this milestone is the end of her cancer, but wakes up ten hours later realizing the number of drains in her chest means the worst possible outcome. The next morning she learns that 11 lymph nodes were removed for testing, which means it’s probably not over and she went through chemo for nothing. Com…

1
Day 160: What Snacks Do You Bring to a Double Mastectomy? 17:51

2+ y ago17:51

17:51

How do you prepare to have a part of your body removed forever? What snacks do you bring to a double mastectomy? For Kristen, the list starts with a good pillowcase, her Anna Ono robe, her softest Kyte Baby jammies, slippers, her YETI cup, and shirts with places for drains. As her surgery date approaches, it’s not the loss of her breasts that makes…

1
Day 151: How I Got Mentally Ready For A Double Mastectomy 13:12

2+ y ago13:12

13:12

Kristen readies herself for the impending double mastectomy and reflects on her original thought process in which the bad old boobs are swapped for good new boobs and that’s the end. While watching Nightbirde, a young, single woman with cancer on America’s Got Talent, she realizes that the absence of people or material things cannot control her hap…

1
Focusing on the Self 8:05

2+ y ago8:05

8:05

My current thoughts on focusing on the self.

1
Day 131: I Regret Not Noticing This Sooner 21:05

2+ y ago21:05

21:05

Kristen is exhausted and ready to be done with chemo. When Scripps' entire computer system goes down from a ransomware attack, her appointments come to a screeching halt. A chemotherapy session is delayed by a day, but the frustration is short-lived as she realizes her brother can be there to see her ring the bell. Chemotherapy comes to an end, and…

1
Day 77: Did the Tumor Shrink? 18:39

2+ y ago18:39

18:39

After 11 long weeks of chemotherapy we’re at the clinic to see Dr. Ali, the oncologist. Kristen is hopeful because she can see her tumor and it appears on the surface like it’s getting smaller. But the only true measure of whether the tumor has grown is the MRI, and Dr. Ali delivers the news. Kristen can’t shake the question of why shrinking the tu…

1
Day 60: Strange Chemo Side Effects That Nobody Tells You About 18:02

2+ y ago18:02

18:02

Kristen adjusts to Taxol, the drug used in the second phase of chemotherapy, which brings bizarre side effects requiring special booties and mittens to prevent permanent nerve damage in her hands and feet. Her beachfront living arrangement is upended, and while moving is stressful, her home is replaced with an even better beachfront home through th…

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