From host Matt D’Elia comes ‘The Private Record’, where ordinary people come to tell their most extraordinary stories.
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With guests that range from icons to outliers, host Matt D’Elia talks to anyone who can help him understand things that confuse him, make him laugh, or just plain trouble him. If you ever look out at the world and think “what the hell is happening?” then this podcast is for you.
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The Private Record — Episode 30 — When You Escape a Cult (Part Two!) Several weeks ago we dropped what is by now (by far) our most beloved episode (EP06), featuring Ben, a brave young man who escaped a strange and little-known Christian 'cult' (his words, not ours!) that goes by the name of 'Gospel Outreach'. Needless to say, the episode dropped on…
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When You Are Not Your Girlfriend's Only Boyfriend
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The Private Record — Episode 029 — When You Are Not Your Girlfriend's Only Boyfriend Our guest Mark has a crazy but unfortunately all-too-common type of story for us this week... Some time ago, Mark had the unique displeasure of discovering that his longtime girlfriend was not only cheating on him, but was simultaneously carrying on a whole OTHER l…
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When Your Mom Dates a Serial Killer
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The Private Record — Episode 028 — When Your Mom Dates a Serial Killer Our guest this episode, who understandably chose to remain anonymous, experienced the unimaginable at age 12, when his mom (unbeknownst to her) began dating a serial killer. You'd think that alone would be bad enough, but where things end up is truly a billion times worse. Witho…
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When You're a 'Butler in the Buff' and a Gig Goes Very Wrong
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Are you familiar with 'Butlers in the Buff'? If not, that's okay— neither was Matt. In short, they're basically male strippers for hire, for private events, who act like butlers. Naked butlers— at your service! It's actually a good-paying gig, if you look the part and can put up with...uh...ya know...being naked and pretending to be someone's butle…
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Kelsey’s first pregnancy was going about as well as it possibly could. No major concerns or issues along the way… until it came time to actually deliver the baby. When Kelsey’s baby daughter began having difficulty entering the world the ‘normal’ way, her doctors decided a c-section was necessary. But these happen all the time, so it was no big dea…
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The Private Record — Episode 025 — When You Bleed To Death Episode 025 is here and… just... wow. JUST... WOWOWOWOWOWOW! OK here's the deal: When Jaron was a young dude, he and his young dude housemates were always pranking each other, as young dudes tend to do. Unfortunately, one of these pranks went bad — way bad, like as bad as a prank can go — a…
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When You Almost Marry The World’s Biggest Liar
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The Private Record — Episode 024 — ‘When You Almost Marry The World’s Biggest Liar’ Episode 024 of The Private Record is here! And considering the punch this one packs, we’re gonna keep this description short and sweet… Simply put, the man this story is about is such a massive liar that he puts The Tinder Swindler to shame. And our guest Samantha A…
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When 20 Cops Pull Their Guns On You For Stealing Your Own Car
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The Private Record — Episode 023 — 'When 20 Cops Pull Their Guns On You For Stealing Your Own Car' When Ryan was young and dumb, he and his young and dumb guy friends were out on the town looking for the things young dumb guys out on the town are always looking for— girls and a good time. Unfortunately, before things even got going, Ryan's car got …
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When a Psychic Scams You Out of Thousands of Dollars
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The Private Record — Episode 022 — 'When a Psychic Scams You Out of Thousands of Dollars' We've all heard stories about scammers who pose as psychics to swindle innocent people out of their hard-earned money by telling them things they want to hear. But what if one of those scammers REALLY WAS a psychic? And just happened to ALSO be a scammer? That…
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When You Are Robbed And Left For Dead
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The Private Record — Episode 021 — "When You Are Robbed and Left For Dead" While staying with his family in Oklahoma for a brief spell, our guest Brandon was going to visit his friend in Arkansas a for a quick weekend camping trip. On the way there, he decided to make a stop in Fayetteville to get a little of that sticky icky green stuff for a litt…
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When The SWAT TEAM Is In a 6-Hour Standoff With Your Dad
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The Private Record — Episode 020 — “When The SWAT TEAM Is In a 6-Hour Standoff With Your Dad” This week’s guest Harlie was only 9 years old when a SWAT Team surrounded her house, guns drawn from every possible angle — street level, rooftop, you name it — hunting her father, who police suspected had shot up his former girlfriend’s apartment in a met…
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When You Try To Be Nice To Someone But End Up With a Stalker
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The Private Record — Episode 19 — "When You Try To Be Nice To Someone But End Up With a Stalker" Spencer! Poor Spencer! Was just trying to be nice to someone who was clearly in need! And ended up experiencing several months of hell at the hands of a woman who thought (unbeknownst to Spencer at the time!) that Spencer was her one true soulmate. We'd…
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When You End Up Naked in a Stranger’s Sauna & He Pulls Out a Machete
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The Private Record — Episode 018 — “When You Somehow End Up Naked And Eating Ribs in a Stranger’s Hot Tub and The Stranger Has a Machete” Everyone has that one friend who is always getting into something crazy, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Today’s guest, a fella named Andrew, is one of those people— and in his case, it IS intentional. …
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When Your Friend's Trauma Becomes Your Drama
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The Private Record — Episode 17 — "When Your Friend's Trauma Becomes Your Drama" Episode 17 is here and IT IS A WILD ONE! So many twists and turns in this one, it’s best to keep this short and sweet, so here goes— Our guest Jason was in college in Florida at the time of this tale, when he and his brothers decided to rent a place there for a chill s…
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When You Make Fake Money To Buy Drugs & Your Dealer Tries To Kill You
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The Private Record — Episode 016 — "When You Make Fake Money To Buy Drugs & Your Dealer Tries To Kill You For It" This story sounds and feels like a sequence from a movie BUT, the thing is, it ACTUALLY HAPPENED. And the fact that our guest Christina is even alive to tell us the tale is... well... absolutely and completely bingbong bonkers insane. W…
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The Private Record — Episode 015 — "When a Silly Prank Goes Very Very Wrong" Mason's plan to prank his college roommate was simple enough. But as we all know, even the simplest of plans don't always work out as... well... planned! And frankly, Mason's plan could not have worked out any WORSE. Right out of the gate, one unfortunate (but hilarious) d…
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The Private Record — Episode 014 — "When Someone Uses You To Commit Suicide" In what is a first for The Private Record (and very possibly the last!), Matt speaks with a victim of a rare but increasingly prevalent phenomenon known as ‘pedestrian suicide’. Don’t know what that is? Well neither did Matt— until this episode’s guest Bekah enlightened hi…
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The Private Record — Episode 013 — "When Your Stomach Explodes" Our guest today is a charming Australian fellow named Kirby. And boy oh boy does he have a medical nightmare of a story for you! About 4 years ago, at the peak of the world’s initial Covid freak-out, Kirby’s stomach had a freak-out of its own… unthinkable, unbearable, impossible-to-ima…
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When Your New Friend Becomes Your Worst Enemy
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It took Tess 30+ years to realize she was a lesbian. When she finally came out of the closet, she understandably felt overwhelmed and inexperienced, like she had a lot of ‘catching up to do’, so to speak. And so in an effort to make like-minded friends, she joined an online community of local gay women, becoming fast friends with one of them in par…
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When You Get Busted Slanging For a Cartel & Become an Undercover Fed
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Episode 11 is here! CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP! When Matt (this episode’s guest, not its host!) was in his late 20s, he was a broke meth addict who needed an easier way to score — which is exactly what he got when he got hooked up with a high-quantity dealer who needed a hand moving product in Matt’s upper-class NorCal neighborhood. 'Good deal!', Matt t…
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When You Break Your Spinal Cord and Completely Recover Against All Odds
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Episode 10 is here! Behold, the story of a genuine MEDICAL MIRACLE! Bode was a happy, able-bodied, athletic 14-year-old kid— until a completely random, totally freak accident left him with a nearly severed spinal cord, entirely unable to move from the neck down. His doctors warned him not to even HOPE to walk again, as literally no one in the histo…
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When You Take It Upon Yourself to Stop a School Shooter
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Episode Nine is here— and with it comes our very first HERO’S STORY. Jonathan was just your average shy, emo 15 year old kid— until a schoolmate brought a 9mm to the classroom, threatening to kill everyone in sight. Thinking fast and knowing he wasn’t going to die a sitting duck, Jonny Boy took it upon himself to DISARM and BEAT THE HELL out of the…
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"When You Want a Prom Date But End Up With a Stalker"
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The Private Record — Episode 008 — 'When All You Want is a Prom Date But What You Get is a Possessive Stalker' EPISODE EIGHT IS HERE! AND IT IS TOTALLY CRAZY! CRAZY EIGHT! Who else has heard their fair share of horror stories about obsessive and paranoid young men emotionally and mentally terrorizing vulnerable young women? Perhaps some of you even…
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"When You Crash Your Car On Ice and You Start Sinking"
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Seven episodes in and we think it's high time for our very first EPIC SURVIVAL STORY. Our guest Zach is an accomplished and experienced aerial photographer for movies and tv shows. One night after a long day of work on the mega-massive-hit show ‘Yellowstone’, Zach loads up his gear and begins his 3-hour drive through the serpentine Montana mountain…
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When You Are Born Into An Unhinged Modern-Day Cult-- and Then You Escape
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'The Private Record' - Episode 006 - "When You Are Born Into An Unhinged Modern-Day Cult— and Then You Escape" Well. This is a wild one! Our guest (a kind, extremely tatted-up gentleman named Ben) was born and raised into a very strange, very scary, very secretive, and VERY little-known Christian sect called Gospel Outreach. By the time Ben turned …
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When You Run A Massive Fake ID Empire
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Today’s guest (who asked to remain nameless, for reasons you will very soon understand) has a confession to make: when he was just a wee teenager, he became one of Southern California’s largest suppliers of fake IDs. As his ‘business’ rapidly expanded throughout the entire Golden State (and eventually beyond its borders), he became a folk hero of s…
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When You Impregnate The Girl of Your Nightmares
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On this very special Valentine’s Day episode of 'The Private Record', we bring you a love story… of sorts! After a traumatic end to his previous relationship, Bobby is cautiously ready to start dating again. What Bobby ISN'T ready for is the particular woman he ends up dating (and very quickly impregnating!)... and when some small and seemingly har…
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When Your Dad Has an Affair With Your Brother's Wife and Your Whole Family Finds Out
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Welcome to 'The Private Record', where ordinary people tell their most extraordinary stories. New episodes every Wednesday! If you liked this episode, please hit that 'like' button and subscribe to this channel AND Matt's personal channel, @mattdelia for ALL NEW episodes, clips, announcements and more! And if YOU have a crazy story of your own and …
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When You Are Kidnapped and Held For Ransom By Your Own Drug Dealer
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‘The Private Record’ — Episode 002 — ‘When You Are Kidnapped & Held For Ransom By Your Own Drug Dealer’ This week Matt connects with an Englishman named Lewis, who expertly recounts a harrowing story from his time as a drug-addicted youth— when he was accused of stealing a fat stack of cash from his dealer and subsequently held hostage, without foo…
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When You're a Homeless Teenager and You Marry a Wealthy 90 Year Old Widow
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By Matt D’Elia x UIU
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'The Private Record' Podcast Teaser -- First Episode Out 1/24! FIRST EPISODE DROPS JANUARY 24th! Make sure you subscribe to THIS channel AND Matt's Official Youtube channel @mattdelia for ALL new episodes, clips, and announcements! If YOU want to be on the show to tell Matt YOUR story, go to https://www.theprivaterecord.com and submit yourself as a…
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We are currently banking episodes, and we want to hear from YOU! So come tell us your story! Go to https://www.theprivaterecord.com NOW to submit yourself as a guest on the show. We look forward to hearing from you! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesBy Matt D’Elia x UIU
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Sunday Service™ | Pride Month In God’s Country
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Happy Pride Month to all— even the asshead Christians who are extremely mad about the existence of Pride Month! Listen in as Pastor M. Diesel tackles homophobic pastors, breaks down the illogical anticipation Christians have for the always-coming but never-actually-arriving ‘rapture’, and illustrates the absurdity of those who claim to communicate …
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In today’s Sunday Service, Pastor M. Diesel examines the practice of praying— and finds that it does not require a rigorous examination to come to the conclusion that praying does not work at all ever under any circumstance! Listen now as Pastor M. breaks down all the ways in which praying is complete and utter bullshit! In the name of the father, …
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In today’s episode Matt does his best to convince you that disagreeing is not only fun— but also life-affirming. Other topics include but are not limited to: the age of nonsense we are currently living through, some of the more nonsensical news stories and developments over the course of the past week (including the single most nonsensical thing th…
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Sunday Service™ | Civil Wars & Rods of Iron
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Don’t pray— just hit play! ⛪️🙏🏽🙏🏾🙏🏿⛪️
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In today’s episode Matt covers a wide variety of topics, from Scott Stapp’s sex tape (and the implications thereof) to the possibility that COVID escaped from a lab (and the implications thereof). Enjoy!
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Sunday Service™ | Bad Metaphors & The Bicameral Mind
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It’s that time again! ⛪️🙏🏼🙏🏽🙏🏾🙏🏿🛐
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Gross Advertising & The Age Of Insecurity
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In today’s episode Matt touches on a wide range of topics, including but not limited to: the ‘me rn’ mugs that are FINALLY for sale at the MDIC merch store (weeeeeee!), his experience getting Vax Shot #2, some truly fucking disgusting advertising campaigns for ‘male grooming’ products— and in the second half of the episode he breaks down an extreme…
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Sunday Service™ | Mean Christians & The Name ‘Todd’
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In the name of the father, the son, and the holy podcast— AMEN! Rejoice, for this week’s Sunday Service™ with Pastor M. Diesel is upon us! 🙏🏼🙏🏽🙏🏾🙏🏿
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This week’s MDIC, comin’ at ya— just in time for the weekend! As the title suggests, Matt covers what the conspiratorial anti-vax crowd is up to lately, Eric Clapton’s new shitty anti-lockdown song— and much more!
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A particularly ungodly Sunday Service™ with Pastor M. Diesel!
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In this episode Matt touches on a wide array of topics, including but not limited to: what it’s really like being M. Diesel, the importance of catchphrases, the genius of Little Richard, why Hollywood insists on remaking and rebooting movies instead of coming up with new ideas, why couples in old movies sleep in separate beds, the hypocrisy of the …
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Another Sunday Service™ with Pastor M. Diesel! Praise be! ⛪️🙏🏼🛐
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Matt outlines a handful of things that have been confusing and / or upsetting him lately, including but not limited to: how / why the Apple News app is so terrible, how / why many major corporations could have (but did not) help us get through the pandemic faster and safer, how / why social media & search engine algorithms are ruining our lives ins…
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Sunday Service™ | Baby Jesus & The Academy Awards
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Another fresh Sunday Service™ for you! Full of insane prophets making insane prophecies, a literal breakdown of the supposed ‘immaculate conception’ of baby Jesus, and of course some bangin’ ass church music. Plus, at the end of the episode Matt covers the Oscars, why he didn’t see any of the nominated movies, and lets us in on the sick ass shit he…
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Sunday Service™ | Jesus Is A Friend Of Mine!
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Another Sunday Service™! “The best Sunday Service™ yet!” — Matt D’Elia (aka Pastor M. Diesel)
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In this episode Matt touches on a wide range of topics, including but not limited to: DMX’s untimely passing, Khloe Kardashian’s run-in with the impossible beauty standards she has helped create, why all dogs should be at least a little fat, Yelp reviews and what they say about our immense loneliness, superhero movies and why everyone still watches…
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HE IS RISEN! Matt’s back with his second consecutive Sunday Service™, right on time for Easter. Celebrate this extremely holy day the right way... fuck church, listen now! 🙏🏼🙌🏼🙏🏼
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HALLELUJAH, Sunday Service™ is back! 🙌🏼👼🏼🙌🏼
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