Best LB Hunktears Podcasts (2024)

1
Y tu tennis también 1:04:54

1d ago1:04:54

1:04:54

Remember, remember the 5th of Julember ... (In this episode LB, Niki and John [all best friends] discuss where "it" goes "after butthole," the Ben Shapiro that escaped containment, the rules of being a ghost, Reba, the legitimacy of antibiotic warnings, the Cisco Groove, and reluctantly, somehow even more.) Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your …

1
Primitives by Kathy Box 1:01:20

6d ago1:01:20

1:01:20

LB, Niki and John crest the final apex of Gimmick Month, playing a brand-new game of Niki's design, pushing friendships to the limit and making us rethink everything we know about the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics. Other topics of discussion include (but are not limited to) Christian for-profit universities, Hootie & the Blowfish, sex ramps, tinned …

1
Shronker (Second Annual White Off) 58:13

13d ago58:13

58:13

Gimmick Month continues with The Second Annual White Off, where we see which of our four contestants is the whitest. Once that's settled (the results will SHOCK YOU), Niki, LB and John also discuss serving cunt in the chicken line, whether curling "has balls," hanging out with Jenny Nicholson, whether you can "get one out of a dead guy," John's rec…

1
Master Chief Beach Week 1:14:13

22d ago1:14:13

1:14:13

Gimmick month continues with our first-annual Master Chief Beach Week, the replacement holiday full of sand, sun and fun! Or that's what the copy says anyway, in practice it's mostly talk about the various ways that white people ruin the beach without even enjoying it themselves, in addition to various diversions concerning bumper stickers, scented…

1
Meat the Plants 46:23

29d ago46:23

46:23

John, Niki and LB are all in the same place! Wowie zowie! That means an in-person recording, which also means the audio is a little roomier than usual, but the vibes are still just like you like 'em! Topics of discussion for this week include (but are not limited to) the world of dreams, emotionally insensitive burlesque performers, Dan Ryckert's u…

1
How Much to Make the The Mask (1994) Mask Work 1:17:14

1M ago1:17:14

1:17:14

John, Niki and LB ascend the Gender Tower for an episode that's going to be just as much of a surprise for you as it is for me, because I haven't heard it yet! Also featuring a surprise visit from Former Chief Medical Advisor to the President of United States Anthony Fauci. Oh no! Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navig…

1
The Shameful Crunching Bird 58:55

1M ago58:55

58:55

Teetering on the edge of oblivion, four friends (three regular and one frog) embark on a sacred journey of personal discovery. During their travels, the group discusses many topics of importance, including why Jon Bon Jovi cheated on his wife, what the white lady from TikTok is up to these days, the various slogans of Outback Steakhouse, which bird…

1
Dwyane Wade’s Woke Cube 1:07:31

2M ago1:07:31

1:07:31

It's John. It's Niki. It's LB. It's all three of them, and they're here, being as smart and drunk as ever, talking about the things YOU care about most, including a brand-new legal system for punishments, the hairy teeter, the history of Atlantis, the long-awaited return of Scam Text Theater, notes for John's acting skills, tall buildings, and some…

1
The Artist’s Dilemma 1:12:58

2M ago1:12:58

1:12:58

In what is perhaps our most cracked episode to date, LB, Niki and John struggle to overcome a well of extreme negative energy by playing jenga, inventing new uses for numbers stations, selling phone numbers for more ketamine, re-learning Flonase, answering a telemarketer call live on the podcast, and against all odds, somehow even more. Welcome to …

1
Functionally Identical to One Another 1:11:05

2M ago1:11:05

1:11:05

With LB on a Hero's Journey through the bowels of Hell, John and Niki once again conscript Producer Jordan into the triumvirate of intellect that is If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes. Topics of discussion for this meeting include (but are not limited to) the contents of John's most recent stress dream, carbon monoxide poisoning, ape films, photos …

1
Grandson 1:09:32

2M ago1:09:32

1:09:32

LB, Niki and John, having achieved unparalleled success as super-famous TikTok influencers, return to their humble podcasting roots for another round of important discussions, including (but not limited to) how much of acting is just demon possession, that Drew Carey tweet, white people music, discovering the source of 95% of the stress in LB's lif…

1
I Want to Give You $700 1:04:45

3M ago1:04:45

1:04:45

With John trapped in the 1990s, producer Jordan joins Niki and LB for the typical weekly slate of activities, which includes inventing new kinds of gambling, coming up with a new big titty anime lady-based form of financial investment, peeing into the little cup, Niki's new friend Juliette, and somehow ... even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, C…

1
Ducks in the Hood 1:09:11

3M ago1:09:11

1:09:11

With Jordan back on the sticks, LB, John and Niki return to their regular work of discussing the most pressing issues facing today's Sleepy Americans, including the existential pain of being in the audience for bad comedy, the dire comments on our good TikToks, heroin as a venture investment, the good ol' days of file sharing, the best grass for wh…

1
Demonstration of Licking, Eating, and Drinking 1:06:32

3M ago1:06:32

1:06:32

With Jordo away at a sensual conference for banjo frogs, the gang are actually pretty well-behaved. We talk about water bottles, the very worst songs we know, cereal, gifts for kids, and probably even more. I don't remember. Jordo usually writes these and knows what we talked about in the episode. Frankly I'm not sure. It's probably funny though. H…

1
I Want to Eat Metal 1:08:43

3M ago1:08:43

1:08:43

With Niki trapped in the labyrinthine tunnels beneath the Boston Convention and Exhibition Center, emergency reserve friend merritt k joins LB and John to discuss websites about eating metal, Bigfoot's dick, an interesting car LB spotted and its resulting bevy of secrets, who we would impersonate if we were to impersonate a celebrity, the secret to…

1
A Million Monkeys Typing in a Room 1:07:31

4M ago1:07:31

1:07:31

LB, Niki and John open their ongoing notes document and attack this week's agenda, which includes John's new screenplay idea, a new crops-based gambling venture, solving Bruno Mars' gambling debt situation, finding new tax loopholes, addressing the issue of how many years there are, LB's dog's secret Facetime calls to John, a really unfortunate ham…

1
What Can You Do with a Giraffe 1:12:25

4M ago1:12:25

1:12:25

John, LB and Niki take a trip down memory lane, reminiscing over what it was like to live in the era of "the TV is on," in addition to nuanced discussions of softcore pornography; John's dog's ballsack; sending butthole pics to Matt; if Starbucks had a conversation pit; soaking; the return of MAUL WATCH; Niki's Tiktok dream; and darlin', somehow ev…

1
Body Part of a White Person 1:05:22

4M ago1:05:22

1:05:22

The crying sky of Los Angeles, which cannot be consoled, will not prevent LB, Niki and John from discussing the various ongoing perils surrounding one of history's greatest sports (video games), in addition to Niki's mounting CPAP debt; bog standard cheating on your wife stuff; getting AMPED; lesbians!!!; if bus is car; more quality products from t…

1
Adult Woman Pageant 1:10:00

4M ago1:10:00

1:10:00

Niki and LB help an extremely sleepy John overcome his post-flight fatigue by discussing the mysterious woman he saw at the airport; the food in New Orleans; Niki's new best friend Kelly 🤝; LB getting they German passport; if Scandal was made for $10; using Cameo to ask questions questions of the people reading messages on Cameo; and if you can bel…

1
I'll Eat Your Onions? 1:02:23

4M ago1:02:23

1:02:23

LB, Niki and John solve the mystery of "what's True Detective," while also tackling a number of simultaneous ongoing cases, including that Britney Spears video where she dies and turns into a baby; LB's great sandwich-based TV show idea; if you can or cannot get pastrami "everywhere;" whether it's easier to get a pumpkin or a tuna; the #1 fragrance…

1
Lest I Piss on My Dog 1:02:54

5M ago1:02:54

1:02:54

LB, John and Niki carve time from their busy schedules to tackle a handful of new issues facing America's Sleepiest Americans™, including hummingbird tongues, all the stuff they cut from the Bible, what happens to us after we die, Creed's 2001 Thanksgiving Day NFL Halftime Show, a Pokemon lawsuit, lying about limes, picking your daytime television …

1
2 for $2X 1:05:56

5M ago1:05:56

1:05:56

John, LB and Niki continue their attempts at navigating an ongoing legal crisis involving Darth Maul and 30-65 missing children, while also discussing the best date ideas, skipping dating entirely, recovering from bad dates, trying to convince a group of friends with a horrible television that the version of Shrek you're watching has been remastere…

1
Give a Kid, Take a Kid 49:42

5M ago49:42

49:42

Niki, John and LB, who are no longer saying the name of the show for legal reasons, discuss the latest details of the missing children/Darth Maul situation; Palmdale, CA; robot-style Pinocchio; half of this podcast's love for Coheed and Cambria; Los Angeles highway lore; some sports guy's "beautiful ass;" and predictably, so much more. Welcome to I…

1
Sorry You Missed Me 1:16:31

5M ago1:16:31

1:16:31

With Jordan back at the helm, LB, John and Niki discuss the density of psychics in southern California, an interesting van LB saw on the street recently, John's very normal Tiktok comment (and its implications for his general mental health situation), Scary Spice's lesbian power, the Oscars, 10 minutes of undocumented conversation where Jordan was …

1
Movies Tagged ‘Hole’ 1:09:49

6M ago1:09:49

1:09:49

John, Niki and LB record without their producer, Jordan, who is sick this week. He's also the one who usually takes notes and writes these summaries, but again, he's sick, so, that's not happening. Genuinely no idea what's in this one folks, it could be our funniest episode to date and/or our most offensive -- there's only one way to find out. Welc…

1
Baby Deodorant 57:28

6M ago57:28

57:28

To help with the enormous legal fees we expect this year, LB, John and Niki present three new multi-level marketing programs that can help empower YOU while empowering us. They also discuss street marshmallows, the lawyer that rocks, going psycho mode on bevs in the disco, babe x wilbur AO3, making June a week shorter, and somehow, even more. Welco…

1
Mouseketeers, Alive and Dead 53:38

6M ago53:38

53:38

John, Niki and LB return from their long winter's nap, rejuvenated and ready to tackle the ongoing missing persons case involving Darth Maul and a few dozen children left in their care. On the way, they also discuss who has the sweetest sweat on the Clippers roster, John's word for the new year, going to Turkey for a hair transplant, whose death we…

1
From Your Friends at Mc.P.P 1:20:10

7M ago1:20:10

1:20:10

In what might be considered a Reverse Christmas Miracle, LB, Niki and John and have lost all 30-65 children that reportedly attend Drivey's Ed., our montessori school for babies with rich parents. Since you can't have a Christmas Pageant without adorable kids, we instead initiate a last-minute pivot to the next best thing, which is buying gifts for…

1
Drivey's Ed. (UNLOCKED 2022 PATREON HOLIDAY SPECIAL!!) 1:09:02

7M ago1:09:02

1:09:02

Last year's Patreon-only Holiday special is now available to all! It's an eyes-closed miracle!! John, Niki and LB organize the upcoming children's holiday pageant at the charter school they've opened, If You're Driving Academy, also known affectionately to students as "Drivey's Ed." Hope you used the bathroom before you got here! Welcome to If You'…

1
Toys for Men Mastabator 1:05:26

7M ago1:05:26

1:05:26

LB, John and Niki celebrate the long-awaited death of one of history's greatest monsters before moving on to a series of adjacent topics, including grammar rules for sports team names; who's on our Oceans 11 team; getting what you need; the psyop involving "these cups;" the nude figurines LB was talking about earlier; uncovering juicy secrets; the …

1
Gamblit Drinks His Own Juice 1:06:37

8M ago1:06:37

1:06:37

John, LB and Niki set aside their shared turkey sandwich long enough to digest a whole new buffet of controversial topics, including humidity in the city of New Orleans, what languages the owl knows, Gambit's custom turtleneck guy, items left behind on planes, the best place to get locally-grown tobacco in America, LB's growing concerns about Lyme …

1
Brad's Drink 1:08:42

8M ago1:08:42

1:08:42

With LB gone to perform important research aboard a haunted submersible, honorary fourth chair merritt k rejoins John and Niki to discuss a number of pressing topics, including crustacean-themed pornography; Bicentennial Man, various Brads (famous), the oldest thing(s) we would drink, "chicken of the forest" mushrooms, Todd Howard fanfic, and impla…

1
The Ballad of Chevy Chase 1:04:59

8M ago1:04:59

1:04:59

LB, Niki and John hit the paint and field a volley of incoming three-pointer discussion topics [Editor's note: idk basketball sorry], including Niki's theme song phase, the small lanky white men of 70s basketball, being big enough to survive being hit by Shaq, the very small group of people who write slash fiction about basketball players, Michael …

1
Jigsaw’s Throat Spa 1:01:17

8M ago1:01:17

1:01:17

John, LB and Niki square off in the quartered octagon or w/e for a no holds barred showdown with colossal consequences, which is mostly just the same sort of lively discussion you've come to know and tolerate, including such topics as the Invisible Man, latex allergies, AI-generated salsa websites, experiencing true darkness in the bowels of the Ea…

1
Digimon: Digital Monkey 1:08:14

8M ago1:08:14

1:08:14

Niki, John and LB leave the Digital World long enough to dissect a new slate of issues facings today's DigiDestined, including sneeze gooning; the unique allure of certain digivolutions; if anyone thinks the body is "made out of metal;" mutants; the latest basketball shirts; how Benjamin Button came out of the pussy; and if you can believe it, some…

1
EXCLUSIVE: Normal Dick! 1:00:43

9M ago1:00:43

1:00:43

LB, Niki and John return to discuss a great number of the "many cool ideas out there," including lemonade mouth, Thelema, snowman fucking logistics, dogs hanging out with ghosts and vice versa, mpreg, Jenny Lewis, and despite the short description this week, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigatin…

1
Here’s a Question I Have About Steroids 1:05:00

9M ago1:05:00

1:05:00

While attempting to buy steroids, John, Niki and LB uncover a new kind of crime enabled by Jeff's Big Store. The gang also discusses New Zealand's JPEG license plates, LB's usual Taco Bell order, which TV shows dogs like, velvet paintings, how people feel too safe on the streets these days, what's on the menu at your local A&W, and homie, somehow e…

1
11 Biting Incidents 1:08:01

9M ago1:08:01

1:08:01

LB, Niki and John head back to debate club to relitigate an important argument regarding the Property Brothers and their dicks, in addition to more general discussions regarding our general cultural fear of having our dick pop out during a video call, who lays the best/worst pipe; recycling pool noodles for Halloween costumes; costumes for husbands…

1
Jeff Daniels the Whole Time 1:24:37

9M ago1:24:37

1:24:37

Despite ongoing technical and psychological issues, Niki, LB and John push through the podcasting morass to deliver what is undoubtedly one of the podcast episodes of all time, including discussions of Svengoolie; Niki's wooden dog (not Barley); what happens if you bring anime figures to the Antiques Roadshow; what counts as an orb; the latest Tayl…

1
Uber Driver with Bubonic Plague Sucked Me Off????!!?! 1:00:10

10M ago1:00:10

1:00:10

LB, John and Niki celebrate one whole year of the show by completely ignoring the milestone, instead focusing on getting the bubonic plague, getting the new vaccy, getting Big Bad Beetlepilled, getting the rats out of LB's car, getting a limb cut off in the Star Wars universe, getting breast implants in high-school, getting a low score on The IQ Te…

1
Niki Sends a Deranged Email to an Accomplished Visual Effects Artist 1:06:25

10M ago1:06:25

1:06:25

John presents Niki and LB with his new plan for monetizing the podcast before topics diverge to other tangential matters, including the dangers of gambling, the idea of a verbal coupon code, the Sealab 2021 theme song, Dildo 101, whether Cathy (comics) and Daria (television) are the same, Niki's groundbreaking new Roku competitor, and by the grace …

1
Lost My Vape 56:07

10M ago56:07

56:07

50 episodes, baby!! To celebrate our big milestone Niki, John and LB do exactly the same thing as always and discuss multiple issues facing today's Sleepy Americans, including (but not limited to) the major design flaw with couches, putting their hands in garbage disposals, getting the dog washed, overhearing conversations about astrology and the s…

1
Tunnels Is the Vibe When Funerals Is the Vibe 1:12:20

10M ago1:12:20

1:12:20

Niki, LB and John reconvene for more of what you have unfortunately come to expect, including discussions on the most relaxing types of crimes; LB's floofy new dragon; everyone's favorite cancelled musical artist; getting a boner during the atomic bomb movie; corn and corn-related topics; stealing sperm; and dude, you have no idea, somehow even mor…

1
It Looks Like a Bog Dog 54:51

11M ago54:51

54:51

Niki returns from The Land Down Under with a boatload of jpegs and an Oceanic tale for each, regaling LB and merritt with stories of room temperature eggs; what cereal is called over there; the secret history of Melbourne; what President Bill Clinton had two of; regional gummy worm differences; the latest kpop drama; the upsetting mascot of Luna Pa…

1
So You Think We Can Drive 57:22

11M ago57:22

57:22

merritt (normal), John (phoning in) and LB (normal) update us all on "the Neuticles situation," in addition to a wide variety of other pressing topics, including (but not limited to) what Yoda would order at Dairy Queen; the simultaneous invention of Dennis the Menace; what the name of our show is; sippin' cream; the worst things we would name a ba…

1
8 Kids Bedroom Design 1:13:09

11M ago1:13:09

1:13:09

John, merritt and LB waste no time getting to the gooey nougat center of this week's episode, kicking things off with merritt's Big Reveal™ and maintaining that momentum through discussions on whether crack is "cool;" spending time viewing an image; the "bow wow theory;" LB's fun new special interest; being beloved by many people and subjected to m…

1
Gordon Ramsay’s Real Ass 1:08:56

11M ago1:08:56

1:08:56

On this week's episode LB, merritt and John spend way more time talking about dog testicles than anyone would like, in addition to a number of somehow more palatable topics including all the boat words we know; which boats are "dick boats;" a guy LB met on the street this morning; the source of the wolfman problem; running into Trent Reznor somewhe…

1
2023 Hunktears Yaoi Quiz Spectacular 1:10:03

11M ago1:10:03

1:10:03

It's time once again for IYDCYE's Annual Yaoi Quiz, where local Yaoi PhD LB Hunktears pits returning champion John Warren against maverick upstart merritt k, in a no-holds-barred battle where the only thing bigger than the stakes are the hands! During the quiz, our panel digests such yaoi-adjacent topics as John's secret ponytail, an IRA but for bo…

1
Cathleen Karate 1:02:20

12M ago1:02:20

1:02:20

Longtime friend of the show merritt k joins LB, Niki and John to investigate a number of controversial topics affecting today's Sleepy Americans, including the mystery of how whiskey is made, society's propensity to charge the "wrong crimes," the number of raptors in New York City, how wild the concept of a postcard is, who Howie Mandel is to you a…

1
“Weird Al” Geria 1:05:55

12M ago1:05:55

1:05:55

LB, Niki and John celebrate Bastille Day by discussing Jackie Chan's White Grandpa (American), the life and times of Napoleon, the most dangerous alley in Los Angeles, building a gondola to Dodger's Stadium, cooking on a moving bus, who has the best assess in sports, hitting the pole vaulting pole with your penis bulge on the way over, designing a …

Podcasts Worth a Listen

LB Hunktears Podcasts

Podcasts Worth a Listen

Quick Reference Guide