S4E17: Falcon Manifesto Psst Hey kid, you an elbow vegan? Well don't worry any longer, because starting today, we have a solution for you! It's BeyondWenus. Tastes just like real wenus, but made entirely from discarded Baywatch plot points Morgan's Rating: 4 Michael's Rating: 4 Episode discussion starts @14:06. Post-episode discussion starts @01:14…

S4E16: Mirror, Mirror Well I suppose it's time we finally tell you. Michael and Morgan are actually the same person. In case you haven't figured it out, Morgan is obviously the horny twin and Michael is the research twin. Eric's Rating: 6 Morgan's Rating: 7 Michael's Rating: 7 Episode discussion starts @24:13. Post-episode discussion starts @01:28:…

S4E15: Coronado del Soul Part 2 If there's horny ghosts, in your neighborhood. Who you gonna call? Baywatchers! Parker's Rating: 1.5 Morgan's Rating: 2 Michael's Rating: 2 Episode discussion starts @06:47. Post-episode discussion starts @01:09:56. Assorted show notes: @01:17:03 The tweet in question @01:17:25 The recorded follow-up to that tweet Ar…

S4E14: Coronado del Soul Pt. 1 Beef boys! Exciting news! We're hosting our first Baywatch Rookie School Con at the Coronado del Soul. In order to register, you just need to become a ghost and buy tickets from the spooooooky gift shop. Don't worry, this gift shop does have an exit Parker's Rating: 4 Morgan's Rating: 5 Michael's Rating: 6 Episode dis…

S4E13: Red Knight It's the end of Ben! We are not sad to see him go, even if this is a particularly bad sign off. Come and join us on the beach for a reunion of the Red Knights (or more like the Red Tights amirite???). Also Morgan finally gets a Godfather. Morgan's Rating: 5 Michael's Rating: 2.5 Episode discussion starts @22:49. Post-episode discu…

S4E12: Second Time Around We're back! Morgan's back from vacation, so we're recording the episodes we don't have any guests for. Baywatch is hitting it's stride in Season 4, which means they've stopped writing interesting episodes and are just recycling their formulas Morgan's Rating: 3 Michael's Rating: 4 Episode discussion starts @18:39. Post-epi…

S4E11: The Child Inside It's time for a Very Special Episode starring a young Republican gymnast. Baywatch doesn't completely bungle depicting the Special Olympics, so that's nice. They didn't do a good job, but it's not as bad as we feared Jon's Rating: 9 Michael's Rating: 7 Morgan's Rating: 3 Check out Jon's portfolio at: https://kawaiiguy.com/ a…

S4E10: Tower of Power Baywatch is back on it's racist shit, so that's fun. Homecoming is also back, that's actually fun! We talk about graffiti and introduce a new segment, our Pier Review Homecoming's Rating: 0.5 Michael's Rating: 1 Morgan's Rating: 1.5 Episode discussion begins @22:34. Post-episode discussion begins @01:56:41. Assorted Show Notes…

S4E9: Ironman Buchannon In a shockingly horny episode of the podcast, we spend far too much time (and also not nearly enough time) talking about old Nickelodeon Game Shows. #ReleaseTheSnyderCutOfBaywatch #PleaseDontActuallyDoThat #IDontWantSynderFansOnMyCase #NumberOneCheerWorthyMoment. Michael is drunk this episode. Please ignore how while he is d…

S4E8: Submersion. CW: Talk of child death. Well, this is a heavy one, so it's a little hard to write a good joke description. Mitch deals with PTSD after almost failing to save a kid and we try to find ways to talk about it while making the show still listenable. How did we do? You tell us Morgan's Rating: 7 Michael's Rating: 8 Episode discussion s…

S4E7: Tentacles Pt. 2 Well in theory this is a part 2, but let's be honest. It's not. The only thing that connects these episodes is the return of Helen! You gotta know when to Holden, you gotta know when to float 'em (the answer is don't float them because that's how you get the bends) Helen's Rating: 4 Michael's Rating: 5 Michael's Racoon Rating:…

S4E6: Tentacles Pt. 1 CW: ED/bulimia discussion Remember kids, never get a Goku cake, never get someone a book for their birthday, never go surfing without a leash, and definitely never try to cure your bulimia by almost getting eaten by an octopus. Why doesn't Star Wars have octopus aliens? 8 arms 8 lightsabers George Lucas call us. Helen's Rating…

S4E5: Sky Rider This episode is just so full of hot air. Hot air balloons that is! Well, just one balloon, but it's in here like a lot. Sparkle's Rating: 5 Michael's Rating: 5 Morgan's Rating: 6 Episode discussion starts @16:25. Post-episode discussion starts @01:47:00. Assorted show notes: @54:45 Telly Savalas beach photos 1, 2, and 3 @01:35:45 Bi…

S4E4: Blindside Oops all Pelicans. Have you pet a pelican recently? Some of them are cops and we don't endorse those birds. Fuck those birds. Like Zeus would. Reeves's Rating: 1.5 Michael's Rating: 4 Morgan's Rating: 4 Please check out Reeves at KEXP.org! Episode discussions starts @33:06. Post-episode discussion starts @01:57:18. Assorted show not…

S4E3: Lover's Cove In this very special episode, Michael and Morgan have been taken out of commission by a purple jellyfish, so we have to bring in some help to continue on with our mission. Stay tuned for our upcoming Disney+ Deal. Robert's rating: 6 Valerie's rating: 2 Jami's rating: 6 Episode discussion starts @7:22. Post-episode discussion star…

S4E2: Race Against Time Part 2 Baywatch is the Koo-Koo-Kookiest Baywatch is the Ki-Ki-Kickiest Baywatch is the Groo-Groo-Grooviest Baywatch is the living end, friend Join our watch along of Lidsville episode 1 here! Morgan's Rating: 2 Michael's Rating: 2 Morgan's Lidsville Rating: 9 Michael's Lidsville Rating: 9 Episode discussion starts @03:14. Po…

S4E1: Race Against Time Part 1. Welcome to season 4! Can you believe it? We can't. It's a part one, which famously has always gone very well on Baywatch. Morgan's Rating: 6.5 Michael's Rating: 7 Episode discussion starts @21:00. Post-episode discussion starts @01:28:52. Assorted show notes: @59:39 Iconic Thomas brand English Muffins @01:00:33 KAPSA…

S3E22: Fatal Exchange. Can you believe it? We've finished season 3! Overall, it's been a season of ups and downs, but at least it's not season 2. The blood feud has escalated, Morgan's mom, you're on watch 👀 We both recommend that you watch Pam and Tommy if you like our podcast and want more info about Pam Anderson. Also if you don't like our podca…

S3E21: Kicks. Join us for a history lesson on wrestling and jello. Gene LaBell is here to save us from being stuck in Gene LaHell. The saga of Pilates continues, as we can never escape this curse. Paul's Rating: 8 Michael's Rating: 8 Morgan's Rating: 4 Episode discussion starts @24:31. Post-episode discussion starts @01:30:34. Assorted show notes: …

S3E20: Shattered Pt. 2. It's part 2! And once again we have brought back our guest from episode 1. Just like part 1, part 2 is bad. Join us for an exploration of the GCU (Grandpa Cinematic Universe) and discuss if we prefer our grandpas Dirty, Bad, or Warred On. This is a Milpo Sclint stan podcast #JusticeForMilpo. Reeves' Rating: 11/3 Michael's Ra…

S3E19: Shattered Pt. 1. In which we discuss the appropriate amount of ham for a lifeguard for our least kosher episode yet. Also lots of wrestling talk, we're sorry. Reeves' Rating: 2 Michael's Rating: 3 Morgan's Rating: 3 Episode discussion starts @35:06. Post-episode discussion starts @2:09:12. Assorted Show Notes: @01:15:56 Here is the picture o…

S3E18: Stakeout at Surfrider Beach. On this episode we ask the all important question, who directs the directors? Join us for our sendoff of Guido. We will never forget the iduido of you. As well, we disprove a previous statement made on this podcast that there "is no Baywatch hentai". Jon found it for us. Morgan's Rating: 7 Michael's Rating: 7 Jon…

S3E17: The Tower. This is the buried secret of Baywatch. In our most M. Night Shyamalan episode, we talk about the right amount of ham for a Baywatch episode. Did you know how many surf terms could be a euphemism for sex? We try to figure out the answer to this age old question. Who guards the lifeguard's life when the lifguard's life needs guardin…

S3E16: Vacation Part 2 We're back! It's our first time having a guest return for part 2 and it's a delight. We talk about the dangers of gambling and how badly the 90s handled the concept of addiction. Also if anyone has a hookup on a thermos of Sweet and Sour sauce, tweet at us Episode discussion starts at 20:00 Post episode discussion starts at 1…

S3E15: Vacation Part 1. This is a real Sophie's Choice of an episode. Watch more montages or spend less time watching this episode? Norwegian Cruises sponsored a two-part-er and let me tell you, this is no pleasure cruise Valerie's Rating: 7 Michael's Rating: 3 Morgan's Rating: 3 Episode discussion starts @30:01. Post-episode discussion starts @ 01…

S3E14: Strangers Among Us. This episode rocks, Rock's Hudson that is. If you're listening to this episode, you've got some real strange bedfellows. Unfortunately we are not cut out to be diamond thieves, but at least we have this podcast. If you want to see Michael's attempt at flipping text, click here https://prnt.sc/26cbl5g Morgan's Rating: 4 Mi…

S3E13: Island of Romance. It's a back-to-back record so we are on one this episode. Some real season 2 racism in this one, but at least we discover that Baywatch is Feminist Actually. This episode was so bad. Morgan's Rating: 1 Michael's Rating: 1 Episode discussion starts @11:59. Post-episode discussion starts @54:38. Art by Katie Rose @kilogramro…

S3E12: A Matter of Life and Death. Hot take, Baywatch is better than Doctor Who. David Hasselhoff, you're on notice. Start streaming Fortnite!! This one has some secret content, so listen carefully. Episode discussion begins @9:58 Episode discussion ends @1:11:13 Morgan's Rating: 8 Michael's Rating: 8 Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.…

S3E11: Dead of Summer. Life Pro Tip: Grunge voice hurts your throat if you aren't singing it correctly. Please join us as we discuss punctuation in band names, nu metal, and just generally avoid talking about the episode. Morgan's Rating: 6 Michael's Rating: 4 Episode discussion starts @14:27. Post-episode discussion starts @01:09:44. Assorted show…

S3 E10: Lifeguards Can't Jump. Baywatch. Basketball. ARGs. What do these all have in common? Better listen to the episode to find out! We're bringing you the premium 90s nightclub experience this episode. Loud music, plastic ferns, and combination fast food restaurants. Morgan's Rating: 2 Michael's Rating: 2 Episode discussions starts @10:36. Post-…

S3 E9: Masquerade. Please join us for a real paraclete of an episode. We once again discuss how everyone has been on Jake and the Fatman. We will never be free. Also this is the episode where we buy a yacht, finally Homecoming's Rating: 4 Morgan's Rating: 8 Michael's Rating: 7 Check out Homecoming on his theater podcast the BrodwayBesties. As well,…

S3 E8: Prince of Tides. Better watch out Beef Boys! Jake and the Fatman is back! This episode sounds so good because we got a new CPU (ChiPotle cinematic Universe). We expand on our most famous prank (HubHub) and Michael learns an important lesson. Helen's Rating: 3 Morgan's Rating: 7 Michael's Rating: 7 Helen's Falling in Love Montage Podcast Hele…

S3 E7: Point Doom. Motorcycles, karaoke, and the MCU (Mario Cinematic Universe) are the topics of discussion today. I hope you've reviewed the study guide or this episode isn't going to make any sense. This is a Christian Podcast, no horny or swears. Andrew's Rating: 3 Morgan's Rating: 7 Michael's Rating: 6 Episode discussion starts @22:03. Post-ep…

S3 E6: Showdown at Malibu Beach High. Psst, hey kid, you wanna see one of them High School Musicals? Well take a look at what I've got right here. It's definitely the same thing and I'll sell it to you for only $5. Morgan's Rating: 3 Michael's Rating: 3 Episode discussion starts @14:19. Post-episode discussion starts @01:06:31. @55:39 Like I'm walk…

S3 E5: Pier Pressure. This episode is our documentary on the history of Street Fighter. In theory we watched a Baywatch episode, but really wouldn't it be more interesting to talk about Street Fighter? THIS IS NOT THUNDER CAKE. Sparkle's Rating: 4 Morgan's Rating: 6 Michael's Rating: 5 Find Sparkle's Podcast Sunday School Cinema here. Episode discu…

S3 E4: Rookie Of The Year. We recorded two episodes in the same day late at night and mostly we talk about Clown Ice Cream and Mystery. It's a fucking weird one. No swears on this Christian Podcast Server Morgan's Rating: 5 Michael's Rating: 6 Episode discussion starts @17:17. Post-episode discussion starts @01:16:56. Assorted show notes: @00:00 No…

S3 E3: Tequila Bay. We had no description for this. Should there be a description for this? Who knows? It's probably better this way. Treat this as the minimalism episode. Morgan's rating: 8 Michael's rating: 8 Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.By Morgan Thrapp, Michael Eisen

S3 E2: River Of No Return Pt. 2. It's the obligatory musical episode of the podcast! It's the bigfeet episode! We always knew they'd get us one day, but we always assumed we could hide in a pickle barrel. We were wrong... Morgan's Episode Rating: 5 Michael's Episode Rating: 4 (Secretly a 5) --- Yo Wtf Morgan? - Michael Morgan's Two Parter Rating: 6…

S3 E1: River of No Return Pt. 1. It's season 3! Finally we're done with season 2! It's a prospector party! We're digging for gold in them/their hills and hopefully found some in this episode. We learn the secrets of a rifle that shoots crossbow bolts. I'm not sure why, but Morgan's audio has a bit of a hum to it this episode. Sorry about that. Morg…

S2 E22: The Summer of '85. Oh thank god, we're done with season 2. It's an episode that fulfills all of our predictions by being terrible. It's the last appearance of Harvey and we could not be happier. Also hopefully it's the last episode with statutory rape? We can only hope. Morgan's Rating: 2 Michael's Rating: 2 Morgan's Season Rating: 3 Michae…

S2 E21: A Game Of Change. It's another gambling episode, so we have our resident gambling expert back. John Gilbert! If anyone wants to start HubHub, let us know. We've got all the hot pictures of car feet (wheels) We also learn that the lifeguard union sucks and you still have to work on your day off. Lifeguards, seize the means of production!! Jo…

S2 E20: The Big Spill. Baywatch may not have the balls to make fun of Greenpeace, but we do. Who's your favorite Jeff? There is no wrong answer, but there is a right one and you will be tested on this. Baywatch and Cool Cat, partners in socialism. Featuring, yet again, The Drop King himself Robert Persinger! Robert's Rating: 5 Michael's Rating: 2 M…

S2 E19: The Lost Treasure Of Tower 12. It's the perfect crime. Watch a Baywatch episode. Force a guest to join us. Record a podcast episode. Use their larger platform as a KEXP DJ to promote the podcast. Realize that we're still a Baywatch podcast and bury it by releasing it late. Perfect crime. To find Reeves, you can check him out on KEXP! https:…

S2 E18 Shark's Cove. This might be our horniest episode yet. We spend a lot of time talking about feet and capitalism with Ali. Gotta keep your spare toes around somewhere close for this one. No, we will not post links to Sonic Hyperinflation in the show notes. Check out Ali's podcast at: https://whathappened.show/ Morgan's rating: 6 Michael's rati…

S2 E17: The Chamber and Where's Wally S1 E11 Ahead of the Future: Where's Mitchy Where's Mitchy Did you see him? Where's Mitchy Where Where Where Where's Mitchy Where Where Where Where's Mitchy Where's Mitchy Where's Where Where Where Where's Mitchy Did you see him huh? Michael's Rating: 2 Morgan's Rating: 2 Morgan's Rating: 8 Michael's Rating: 8 E…

S2 E16: Now Sit Right Back and You'll Hear a Tale: *To the tune of the Gilligan's Island theme song* Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of some intrepid viewers. The person writing this descri-i-i-ption, hates all of this. This group was a mighty crew, one of them likes this show. 3 podcasters sat down that day for more time than ne…

S2 E15: Sea of Flames. Eyyyy, that's a good pee. Much like pee, the spice must flow. This episode is on fire and so are we. It's precognitive summer camp, earthquakes, a revelation of future past, and lots of general nonsense Morgan's Rating: 4 Michael's Rating: 4 Episode discussion starts @06:43. Post-episode discussion starts @01:30:20. Assorted …

S2 E14: Big Monday. Monday funday better than a Sunday. Can only do it one way, & that is the way of the wave inside you? No, that's just trauma. We have decided that every 30 years, we'll have a big podcast episode in honor of Big Monday. There will be two of these and then we will be dead. But they'll be really great episodes (to be determined)! …

S2 E13: War of Nerves. Folks...This episode is good. I can't believe I'm saying this but you should watch this one. Buzz Belmondo is back and better than ever. He is here to single-handedly make this one of the greatest pieces of cinema in history The only problem is that apparently no one in this episode knows how apples work and it's a crime Jami…

S2 E12: Reunion: [Baywatch Rookie School studio] Morgan: [chanting] feet, feet- Michael: feet, FEET David Hasselhoff: [pounding his buoy] FEET, FEET, FEET Morgan's Rating: 5 Michael's Rating: 7 Sandcrab722's Rating: 9 Episode discussion starts @13:20. Post-episode discussion starts @01:22:17. Art by Katie Rose @kilogramrose.…