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Relationscapes

Blair Hodges

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Exploring the ever-changing terrain of relationships, gender, and sexuality. Award-winning journalist Blair Hodges talks to the best experts about who we are and how we connect with each other in order to build a more just world.
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One of the most consequential moments in American civil rights history has been almost entirely forgotten. It was 1978. Conservative politicians wanted to ban gays and lesbians from working in California public schools. The outcome of that statewide initiative would have huge repercussions for the rest of the country, and young gay activists knew i…
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The top reason most news coverage about trans people is misleading and harmful is because journalists don't include the perspectives of actual trans people. Journalist Nico Lang was frustrated by how often reports talked about trans people without trans people. This is especially true for younger folks. Nico wants people to hear directly from trans…
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Before becoming disabled, Jessica Slice was building a business, running miles every day, and chasing perfection. Parenthood didn’t fit into that life, especially because Jessica was sure she’d never measure up. But when her physical health collapsed at 28, everything shifted. Disability stripped away the life she knew, and uncovered something unex…
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When journalist Amanda Hess got pregnant, the internet met the moment with a flood of baby ads, influencer moms, and algorithmically curated advice. But when her pregnancy became medically complicated, the warm glow of digital support gave way to something much darker. In her new book Second Life: Having a Child in the Digital Age, Hess explores ho…
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When marriage equality was finally achieved, Karl Dunn thought life couldn't be better. He had a husband, a dream job, and a beautiful life in LA. But then, as everything unraveled through a contentious divorce, Karl discovered just how unequally the system treats same-sex couples. This crisis sent Karl on an urgent journey of self-rediscovery—from…
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Katelyn Burns, journalist and podcast host of Cancel Me, Daddy. Katelyn was the first openly transgender Capitol Hill reporter in U.S. history and she continues to be a leading voice among journalists on trans issues. It’s not the cushiest job there ever was, especially right now. I wondered how she was holding up under our excessively transphobic …
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Frederick Joseph grew up without a father, and he's wondering now whether he wants to be one himself. As a child, he loved Broadway musicals when everyone else expected him to be into sports. Today he resists the suffocating expectations placed on him as a Black man in America through his poetry and essays, inviting men to break the mold of masculi…
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Puberty has changed a lot since we were kids. It starts earlier and lasts longer. And it's still as awkward as ever to talk about. Luckily, Dr. Cara Natterson and educator Vanessa Kroll Bennett are here to help. They joined forces to explain the latest science on puberty, and to help caregivers, parents, and teachers navigate puberty conversations …
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Staying up to date with the news is a huge part of David Pakman’s job. As one of the most popular progressive political pundits on the internet today, he’s spent years navigating the media landscape. And that can really wear a person down! He's not immune to burnout caused by local and global crises covered in today's nonstop news cycles. In this m…
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When Nancy Reddy had her first child, she approached the situation like the overachieving PhD student she was at the time: She went to find the best research on parenting, studied it, and then tried to apply it so that everything would work out perfectly. The problem is, a lot of that research about caregiving and attachment turned out to be based …
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Kyle Lukoff knows how to captivate readers, and he also knows what it feels like to have his books taken captive by bans. Because in picture books like Call Me Max and middle grade novels like Different Kinds of Fruit, Kyle introduces characters who proudly defy common expectations of gender identity. Trans readers love to see themselves reflected …
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The dating world today feels like a minefield—swiping, ghosting, endless situationships, and more. What if the problem isn’t just app fatigue, but the very idea of romance itself? Sociologist Sabrina Strings unpacks how centuries of racism and sexism have shaped our ideas about modern love, leaving many people—especially women who don’t fit the "wh…
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Have you ever felt resentment about how responsibilities are divided in your relationship? Kate Mangino joins us to break down why this dynamic exists—and more important, what you can do about it. Outdated gender norms are causing a lot of problems for people whether they're married, dating, or in a queer or straight partnership. Luckily, some smal…
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One January day in 1975, seven-year-old Guinevere Turner put on her best dress, hugged her favorite toy tightly, and waited for the spaceship to arrive. The world was ending and she would be saved, spirited away to Venus with the rest of her enormous and enlightened family. When the prophecy failed, the cult carried on. But Guinevere would soon fin…
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Attorney Heather Quick stops by to talk about the importance of no-fault divorce. She also has tips about what to look for in a divorce lawyer. Check out Heather's resources: Florida Women's Law Group resources Women Winning Divorce podcast We also hear from some listeners about their divorce experiences. The full transcript of this episode is avai…
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Paul Scheer is an award-winning actor, screenwriter, comedian and podcast host of How Did This Get Made? So you'd think his most interesting life stories would be about his audition for Saturday Night Live or how he came up through improv comedy to star in shows like The League and Black Monday. Those are interesting stories, but in his new memoir,…
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Mainstream feminism today was created mostly by white women, for white women. It has soaked into American pop culture, social media, the economy, politics, and more. Rafia Zakaria wants that to change. In this episode, we discuss her book Against White Feminism: Notes on Disruption. ABOUT THE GUEST Rafia Zakaria is a Pakistani-American attorney, fe…
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Laurie Lee Hall was a promising college student studying architecture, and she was known to the world as a man. When she encountered The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints she saw a well-defined path that fit the gender she was assigned at birth. So she buried her past to become the perfect Mormon man. Wearing her male disguise, she marrie…
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Trump's 2018 zero tolerance policy which separated immigrant children from their parents at the border with no plan for reuniting them shocked the conscience of many Americans. And even though Trump claimed to cease the practice within weeks, zero tolerance is rooted in American law that dates back 100 years and remains on the books today. It can e…
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"We are effectively run in this country via the Democrats, by a bunch of childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives and the choices that they've made and so they want to make the rest of the country miserable, too. And it's just a basic fact, if you look at Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, AOC, the entire future of the Democrats is con…
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As a Black woman growing up in England, Catherine Joy White sometimes felt out of place at home, but also disconnected from the heritage of her Jamaican ancestors. Until she began connecting with the stories of remarkable but often forgotten Black woman from history. Their stories helped her re-envision what beauty means, how silence can also be st…
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Abi Maxwell's daughter wanted the pink shoes. She wanted to dress as a witch on Halloween in kindergarten. She wore her hair long and envied the dance costumes other girls got to wear for the recital. The problem was that Abi's daughter was "known" to her, and to their conservative New Hampshire town, as a boy. Suddenly, Abi's beloved hometown beca…
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History is full of women who never gave birth to children, whether because they couldn't or even didn't want to. Historian Peggy O'Donnell Heffington says her research about women without children made her feel more settled about her own choice not to have kids, but it also surprisingly made her feel greater solidarity with women who make the oppos…
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Up to 90% of women and trans men experience menstrual abnormalities or pelvic issues at some point in their lives. Dr. Karen Tang says too many people are suffering in silence, and that's why she wrote a comprehensive guide called It's Not Hysteria: Everything You Need to Know About Your Reproductive Health (but Were Never Told). We're talking all …
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Bella DePaulo has been single her entire life, but she doesn't want anyone's pity about that. This social psychologist loves being single, and she always has. In her latest book Single At Heart she highlights the lives of people who are thriving not in spite of being uncoupled, but because of it. She joins us to talk about what her research uncover…
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Lauren Sandler is an "only child" expert. She is one. She has one. And as an award-winning journalist, Lauren dug deep to answer some of the most pressing questions about singletons. Are they more lonely? Are they more selfish? Would they be better off with siblings? She answers these questions and more in her book, One and Only: The Freedom of Hav…
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As an ultra-Orthodox Jew, Sara Glass was raised to believe her purpose in life was to marry a righteous man and bear children, all to the glory of God. On the outside, she was following that plan to perfection. But on the inside, something was pulling her in a very different direction. It was traumatic, and she would have to risk everything to find…
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What does it mean to be a man? It depends on who you ask. And it depends on *when* you ask, because masculinity has always been a moving target. In this episode we travel back to ancient Rome, where manly men loved war, violence, and sexual conquest. Mike Pope says this history has powerful relevance for us today. We're talking about his book, Lucr…
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Eris Young is author of the go-to book on everything non-binary. They break down the basics of the gender binary, painting a more expansive, inclusive, and accurate picture of human identity. What is it like to be nonbinary? What challenges do people face? What about healthcare for nonbinary folks? All this and more, as we talk to Eris Young about …
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Maggie Smith gives us an unflinching look at divorce today and what it means to live and write our own lives. Her best-selling memoir, You Could Make This Place Beautiful, is a story about a mother’s fierce and constant love for her children, and a woman’s love and regard for herself. Need some divorce catharsis? Want to hear what it's like to keep…
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Jessica Pryce believed a career at Child Protective Services would be a rewarding way to help keep kids safe. What she learned on the job completely changed her mind, as the system itself kept getting closer and closer to home. Now she's a scholar of the system and works as a public advocate to help change it for the better. ABOUT THE GUEST Dr. Jes…
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Caregiving for aging and dying parents can be tough for anyone, but it's even tougher when it forces you to confront longtime family dynamics of abuse. Sociologist Deborah Cohan blurs the lines between academic research on family caregiving and violence, and her own personal story about a father she calls both adoring and abusive. Her memoir is cal…
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With the legalization of same-sex marriage in 2015, queer families are more visible today than ever. But the path to becoming a parent is complicated for LGBTQ people. We talk about about the challenges and joys of queer family building with expert Abbie Goldberg, author of LGBTQ Family Building: A Guide for Prospective Parents. ABOUT THE GUEST Dr.…
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Divorce can be a difficult process today, but it's nothing compared to what it used to be. In the late 1800s, women from around the country had to fight for the right to separate from their husbands on their own terms. April White explains how their stories still impact us today. ABOUT THE GUEST April White is author of The Divorce Colony: How Wome…
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Angela Tucker is a Black woman who was adopted by white parents as a very young child. Angela says transracial adoptees like her grow up wrestling with complicated feelings of gratitude and love, but also rejection, loss, and confusion about their heritage. ABOUT THE GUEST Angela Tucker is author of “You Should Be Grateful:" Stories of Race, Identi…
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When Jessi Hempel came out of the closet she had no idea her whole church-going family had been hiding in there with her. And things got complicated fast when the closet door kept swinging open. SHOW NOTES Jessi Hempel, "My Brother’s Pregnancy and the Making of a New American Family," TIME (Sept. 12, 2016). ABOUT THE AUTHOR Jessi Hempel is author o…
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One hundred years ago, a bright new age for children was dawning in America. Child labor laws were being passed, public education was spreading, and more. But Adam Benforado says America stopped short in its revolution of children's rights. Today, more than eleven million American children live in poverty. We deny young people any political power, …
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Your family is...loving? Your family is...hurtful? Your family is...all this and more? If you feel overwhelmed when you think about your family, this episode will help you understand your anxiety and give you evidence-based tools to repair it. Dr. Mariel Buqué is a leading specialist in trauma psychology. She says our physical and mental health cha…
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Cat Bohannon says for far too long the story of human evolution has ignored the female body. Her new book offers a sweeping revision of human history. It's an urgent and necessary corrective that will forever change your understanding of birth and why it's more difficult for humans than virtually any other animal species on the planet. Her best-sel…
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Welcome to Relationscapes! The way society thinks about family, love, and identity seems to be evolving faster than ever. In our hyperconnected world, these changes feel more urgent, and as we're seeing every day in the news, it's sparking backlash. So what can we do? I didn't have to worry much about that before as a white straight cisgender guy. …
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Ross Gay is a New York Times bestselling author of essays and poetry. His latest book is ‘Inciting Joy,’ which argues that “joy is something like what we feel like when we help each other carry our sorrows, what we feel like when we sort of realize we're practicing our entanglement, our belonging to one another.” Transcript at our website, fireside…
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Meghan O'Rourke is a citizen of what she calls the invisible kingdom. Anyone can become a citizen. Even you. All you need is a debilitating chronic illness that doctors can't easily understand or treat—autoimmune diseases, chronic fatigue syndrome, chronic Lyme, fibromyalgia, and a bunch of other conditions at the blurry edges of medical knowledge.…
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When she was born, Susan Stryker’s parents thought they were welcoming a baby boy. She knew they were wrong by the time she was five years old, but it took decades to let them know who she really was. Being trans raised a lot of questions for Susan—practical questions of course, but also theological, philosophical, and historical questions. So she …
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Race and religion have been intertwined throughout American history. Christians believed they could detect so-called “heathen” unbelief by the color of someone’s skin or the state of a foreign landscape. Over time, the word “heathen” dropped off, but historian Kathryn Gin Lum says the ideas behind it are alive and well in the United States today, e…
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Toni Jensen grew up around guns. As a girl, she learned to shoot birds in rural Iowa with her father. As an adult, she’s had guns waved in her face near Standing Rock, felt their silent threat on the concealed-carry campus where she teaches. Toni is a Métis woman, with mixed European and Indigenous ancestry. She's no stranger to the violence enacte…
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