The USS Essex never shows up on screen in TNG's season 5, episode 15 "Power Play", but its crew does... well, whatever's left of them that was taken over by telepathic lightning ghosts? Look, it's complicated and the most important thing is that even when possessed by lightning ghosts, Chief O'Brien just wants a snack. Kyle decides this isn't enoug…

The Lysian Alliance is a top-of-the-line military force... if it were the 22nd century. Unfortunately they're neighbors with the Federation and the USS Enterprise is suffering from amnesia and here to wreck their day. How bad is it when the Pakled have more firepower than you do? But, hey, Data's a bartender now and the brothers have a really good …

The SS Vico does what all Oberth-class starships does, it inexplicably is destroyed doing basic space science. NEVER server on an Oberth, y'all. It doesn't help that it's also got Timothy on it, who's the kind of kid who assumes he'll doom a whole ship with the press of a button. Which he didn't do but still we had to hear him freak on it. A lot. A…

Look there's no sugar-coating this. This is an Alexander episode. And part of an ongoing look at how bad of a dad Worf is. No really, he's just awful. But on the plus side we've got a Soliton Wave Rider, which is a cool test ship that can go to warp without a warp core thanks to a wildly dangerous beam of energy casually shot at another planet... w…

What the heck is Max Headroom doing in the 24th century with a time pod? And a clock that's also a ring? The brothers try to sort out how 90s an episode of Star Trek can get while also realizing how easy it is for any spacefaring race to destroy a planet's atmosphere at the drop of a hat. All this on our newest pod!…

the IKS Kruge is like other Klingon Birds-of-Prey, swoopy and glorious on the outside, and harsh concrete on the inside. Yuck. Do Klingons really sleep directly on metal? Captain K'Vada might claim so, but the son of Mogh seems to be enjoying lovely fur blankets every time we watch him canoodling. Despite this obvious lie, K'Vada is pretty clever, …

Spock is off betraying the Federation or something, but while Picard deals with that boring stuff, Team LaRiker is handed a cargo bay full of wreckage to excitedly sort out. And where does it lead, but to Surplus Depot Z15! Your best source of gently-used starships in the Alpha Quadrant. Brought to you by the Zakdorns, purveyors of strategy and pre…

When you're a third-tier space-faring race who really wants to take down the Federation but don't even have the firepower to take down the Ferengi, what do you do? If you're Etana Jol of the Ktarians, you get sexy with Will Riker and use him to addict the Enterprise to the worst Occulus Quest VR game ever. And it would have worked too if it hadn't …

Captain Renaud may not have passed the nightmare hazing ritual that is the Starfleet Academy entrance exam, but nonetheless he has the pride of being a starship captain... albeit of the transport ship Kallisko, a low-end slow-as-heck ship from Nowheresville. Can he save his ship from the massive space pop rock that is the Crystalline Entity? No, he…

Gul Dolak isn't a Gul Dukat. He's not suave, definitely no ladies' man, and he's stuck in a boring assignment in Nowheresville in a remote border region. So when he has the chance to destroy a burning trash-heap of a Bajoran ship, he'll risk angering the flagship of the Federation to do so. Meanwhile, the Brothers Weems get all fanboyish over Ensig…

The Children of Tama can only talk in memes, really dank obscure memes, at that. Which makes the Universe a very lonely place. The boredom of never being able to talk to anyone other than his own crew makes Dathon, captain of the Tama, so wound up that the only way to get relief is to beam down with JLP, a pair of daggers, and hope for the best. Bu…

Riker & Geordi get to reform the dream team of LaRiker when it's time to form a Tachyon Detection Grid to find hidden Romulan ships, taking over the USS Excalibur. While they're having a fun time, Data gets saddled with a way less good time on the falling apart USS Sutherland, complete with first officer Christopher "The Nob" Hobson. Will Data surv…

When you're in the Klingon Civil War, there's not a better ship in Gowron's fleet to serve on than the IKS Hegh'ta, where none other than the two hottest singles in the Empire, the Sons of Mogh, serve. Can weapons officer Worf stand serving under his little brother Captain Kurn? Is beard-chewing a form of Klingon foreplay? Will the Brothers Weems a…

Season 4 of TNG is behind us, and to light it on fire in a boat on its way to Sto-vo-kor, the Brothers Weems drag producer Kevin onto the show for a look back at the ships of the season, Ferengi nepotism, the nightmare that is Starfleet Academy entrance exams, and whatever else comes to their minds. What's their favorite ship of the season? What sh…

When you're Gowron, Chancellor of the Klingon Empire, you can't just fly around in any old junky bird-of-prey. No, you need the new hotness that is a Vor'cha-class cruiser like the IKS Bortas. Which, despite its new hotness, seems to be all steel and cement inside with no windows. Is that a good thing? Well, it does help when Duras loyalists are po…

24th century Romulans have exactly one look: pageboy haircuts, bondage leather straps, and square-as-heck 90's power shoulders. All of which Sela, the commander of the warbird Gorakus, rocks with one unusual feature: blonde hair. The half-human daughter of an alternate reality's Tasha Yar (just go with it), Sela's blonde locks aren't stopping her a…

The only thing worse for a new officer in Starfleet than being assigned to an Oberth-class starship is being assigned to an Oberth-class starship that's being used as a retired admiral's bus. Worse yet, for the crew of the USS Cochrane, that admiral is Norah Satie, who's trying to bring the Inquisition back in style. Will former ensign-turned actin…

The USS Brattain is, like all Miranda-class starships in the 24th, a pretty grim place to be assigned. How grim? Well, for one, the folks at space dock didn't even put spell the name on the hull right. Also there's used mall doors as substitute walls on the bridge? The only mercy is their inevitable death when a region of space time causes them to …

Haven might be the poor man's Risa, but it's still a great place to take a vacation. Which is a real problem when the would-be tourists from Tarellia show up with their horrible plague. Sure, they're sick, and will kill everyone if they beam down, but they're sexy sick, and are strutting around with the featheriest hair any hair metal band has ever…

When Riker tries to study some seriously weird-handed aliens with a sub-par disguise, it only takes one riot for him to land in the emergency room of the Sikla Medical Center. Unfortunately for him, the main treatment they're offering is rabid xenophobia and doctor-administered kicks to the ribs. How are these doctors able to keep their licenses? I…

Ventax II is the perfect place to be a Federation scientist. A peaceful agrarian society. Extra baggy jumpsuits. Some great wine tours. Oh... and the literal, actual devil. The devil's a'comin and the whole station is a dreary concrete slab because they blew their budget on an oversized yellow octagon monitor for playing checkers, proving once agai…

By The Brothers Weems

It's the first-ever Stardate: Supplemental live show! The brothers talk about the Cardassian ship Trager, it's thirsty bondage-gear-wearing officers, and Gul Macet's unconventional moisture-control facial hair style. If that wasn't enough, it includes a Will Riker-themed quiz between Conrad and everyone else in the venue! Will the brothers survive …

Captain Benjamin Maxwell is one of Starfleet's finest officers... except for the fact that he's lost his mind and has started attacking defenseless Cardassian cargo ships with his Nebula-class starship, the USS Phoenix. Why is the whole ship crew participating in these crimes? Probably because Benny bludgeoned his protesting first officer to death …

Admiral Mendak is one heck of a smooth Romulan warmonger, making his counterpart Admiral 'T. Hawk' Tomalak seem like a frothing sociopath by comparison. And when the Devoras outwits the Enterprise, he can't help but relish the opportunity to rub it in. And in. And in. Will his and Selok's love reignite after a 17 year break? Will Longo and Robinson…

As an Ambassador-class starship, the USS Zhukov was one of the darlings of Starfleet a generation ago. As such, this still potent lady should have some wicked cool mission profiles for Captain Gleason and his crew, right? Wrong. Now it's nothing more than an ambassador bus, just like the much older Excelsiors of the fleet. No wonder they got stuck …

The mining shuttle Nenebek is 80% cockpit and 120% unfit for shuttling Federation officers about in. But that doesn't stop so-called chief engineer Geordi LaForge from greenlighting the Enterprise's captain from getting on Captain Dirgo's rust bucket. Which literally crashes less than a minute later. Is Dirgo a low-rent Han Solo cosplayer? How does…

The IKS Vor'cha is one big bad ship, the jewel of the Klingon fleet. And it's spending most of its time hauling around K'mpec, the longest-serving and fattest chancellor in Klingon history. But now K'mpec is dying! Can Bobby handle the right of succession as smoothly as Picard would? Are K'Ehleyr and Kalas old high school besties? Doesn't the Kling…

Doctor Dalen Quaice, AKA discount Wilford Brimley in space, AKA space cowboy entering retirement, has had it with Starbase 133 after years of serving whiskey under the table in the infirmary. And why wouldn't he after a dead wife and too many broken bones repaired after constant chicanery from the Parrises Squares matches the local maintenance crew…

The Q'Maire is among the top of the line when it comes to Talarian warships... which means when it comes to a slugging match with the Enterprise it's rockets and x-rays have no chance of accomplishing anything. But Captain Endar is ready to fight for his son, Jono, even if he is just another random blonde heartthrob from the 90's. Also, the Brother…

The USS Ahwahnee and USS Endeavor had one thing in common: a dance card with the Borg at Wolf 359. In the fourth and final part of our look at this epic (and totally one-sided) battle, the Brothers Weems look at these two ships, debate their role in the battle, and tell you which one had the distinction of being the sole survivor. Also, would Kling…

The USS Bonestell does well the only thing Oberth-class starships are meant to do: mildly risky science. Anything more and it's a warp core breech if you're lucky. The Bonestell wasn't, and drew the short straw to become the token Oberth-class to be blown to smithereens at the Battle of Wolf 359. Could Volkov do better if it had been her in the Tsi…

Starfleet puts out the all-call for every ship possible to fight the Borg at Wolf 359. Unfortunately for the personnel at Starbase 74, that includes their on-call, practically mothballed starship the USS Melbourne. And to make things worse, Riker turned down the captain's chair. But station commander Orfil Quinteros, AKA Evil Picard, thinks this mi…

Nothing ruins a party like a Borg cube. And unlike those losers in J-25, the Borg cube hitting the Federation is ready to crash into things in style. Locutus of Borg seems a bit insecure, with that 3d printed eight-pack and all. But 7 of 16's power stance might be enough to make up for it. Can Lt. Mackelroy survive Worf's team-building exercise? Wi…

The Zalkonians are the kind of verge-of-trancendence people that love choking people with their warship choke beams. And nobody loves the choke beam more than Commander Sunad. What exactly are they transcending into, anyway? The largest buttcheeks in the galaxy? Do Klingon accountants have to battle Imperial Revenue Agents to file a tax return? Are…

DaiMon Tog of the Ferengi ship Krayton has the hots for Ambassador Troi, the most available telepathic bachelorette in the Federation. And his BFF, Dr. Farek, thinks the only way to help him is to cut open her head and put probes in her brain. Isn't love strange? Do Vulcans have energy drinks? Does Infinite Diversity in Infinite Caffiene outsell Ul…

Kivas Fajo is the 24th century's evilest prancing billionaire, and the Jovis is his spaceship home slash art gallery of choice. Is he jacking Data from the Enterprise, or is the inner comic book geek in him lusting after possessing the one and only time-displaced actor turned Starfleet officer, Viggo Mortensen? Who wouldn't want to LARP Middle Eart…

Gomtuu, the living ship, is so lonely it could literally die. Tam Elbrun, the most annoying Betazoid in the galaxy with possibly the worst pants ever, wants to be BFFs, though. What's a giant space-dwelling sunflower seed to do? Where do you talk dogs for walksies on starships? Do Klingons like RPGs, or love RPGs? Does the USS Hood's night crew got…

We're breaking our own rules when the USS Enterprise-C pops out of a time rift to show off some classy movie-style uniforms and perhaps the handsomest pilot in Starfleet. They just escaped near destruction, but bad luck for them, they have to go back! The USS Hood faces its questionable namesake under the command of Captain Dodge, cat-people get so…

Doctor Nel Apgar has two problems: hiding the fact that he's secretly working for the Romulans, and his totally not-cool jealousy issues regarding his wife. How is going to solve them both? The classic evil scientist way, with attempted murder! Too bad for him he screws up so bad he blows himself up, and too bad for us but we had to watch one of th…

When Roga Danar gets tired of eating raw rabbits in the worst campout ever with his fellow ex-military members of the Sleepover Squad, he decides to break loose. But the Enterprise is in orbit to stop him. Who's going to come out on top? How does Barclay afford his apartment? What do you put on post-economy rental applications? Make sure you've got…

Admiral "A.J." Jarok's dating pool is getting a little thin, so time to get a spray tan and defect to the Federation in the scout ship Vo and lie about his age on his OK Pon-Farr profile. But if things go sour he's got his Metamucil suicide chip ready to go. Will Kyle get a snow shovel? Will Bobby & Taggert survive a showdown with Tommy at Nelvana …

Brull & Chogan are just a pair of leather jacket bedazzling, luxurious haired, deep V chest-hair-showing space punk pirates. Who happen to love doing space crimes as members of the Gatherers with their run-down spaceships with sweet sweet purple space lasers. Are they good at crime? Kind of. But they're more in love with unique colored lasers and p…

When the Romulan scout vessel Pi failwhales straight into Galorndon Core, what's a pair of Romulans to do? If you're Bochra and Patahk, the Bashir and O'Brien of the Romulan Empire, you self-destruct the ship to cover your shame and update your dating profile on OK Pon-Farr. Will Bochra get lucky in love with the USS Hood's Lt. Robinson? Will Patah…

Captain Galek Sar has been dead for over 1000 years, along with his ship the Cleponji, but it's never too late to worry about his undeleted computer files that he's strewn literally everywhere across his ship. Good thing for him a booby trap has the Enterprise too busy to snoop too much! Is Picard somehow a worse archaeologist than Indiana Jones? I…

When you're halfway to a new planet with a boatload of amorphous colonists only to find out that it's infested by human pests, what's a Sheliak director to do? Get a can of raid? Or talk tough about treaties with Starfleet's sexiest captain while wearing your blingiest wrap? Make the humies do the dirty work! Why is space poker like normal poker, b…

The Brothers Weems have ran out of starships in season 2 of The Next Generation, so it's time for another season wrapup! We learn about the sole shuttle we say goodbye to in season 2, review our favorite and least favorite ships from the season, and contemplate if the podcast has what it takes to get some groupies. When it's all done, we take the c…

The Kreechta was minding its own business prying nails loose from abandoned colonies for a few extra scraps of latinum when what did it find? Two Federation starships fighting. Can DaiMon Bractor outsmart Captains Picard and Riker? How hard was it to hold Data up for a keg-stand in his academy years? Would peanut butter and grub sandwiches and othe…

Starfleet treated the USS Hathaway the same way it treats all its old starships, ditching it in a random, isolated orbit waiting for anyone passing by to discover. Fortunately for the old girl, it gets picked by Will Riker's dodgeball team for wargames. Will this be Captain Riker's first loss ever? Will Crewman Daniels vacuum all of the derelict sh…

The IKS T'Ong has been taking a power nap for the last 75 years, and awakes in a different era with different rules. How is Captain K'Temoc, Klingon death metal Dahar master, supposed to drop a new single for his comeback tour if the empire isn't at war? Fortunately for him, there's a ton of Federation outposts he can roast with disruptor fire to g…