Discover how the pain of betrayal often extends beyond the physical act, touching on what the affair represented rather than the individual affair partner. In this episode, Luke explores the emotional dynamics from both the betrayed and unfaithful spouse's perspectives, offering insights into how these narratives can be challenged and transformed f…

Welcome to another insightful episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, we delve into a common struggle faced by many betrayed partners – the belief that their healing is tied to their spouse’s actions. Whether it's waiting for an apology, seeking explanations, or hoping for changes in behaviour, many feel stuck…

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' join me, your host Luke Shillings as I discover how limiting beliefs can keep you stuck in negative patterns and how shifting your mindset can open up new possibilities for growth and recovery. Whether it’s about self-worth, trust, or what you think you deserve in love, your beliefs shape your reality in power…

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the neuroscience behind trust and betrayal. Understanding these processes can be crucial in healing from infidelity and building stronger relationships. Join us as we explore how our brains process trust, the impact of betrayal, and practical strategies to foster heal…

Welcome to another episode of "After the Affair." I'm your host, Luke Shillings, and today we're tackling a crucial aspect of recovery that many people might not even realise they're struggling with: unhealthy coping mechanisms. After experiencing the emotional upheaval of infidelity, it's easy to fall into habits that seem helpful in the moment bu…

In this insightful episode of "After the Affair," host Luke Shillings delves into the complex phenomenon of hysterical bonding that often follows infidelity. Discover what hysterical bonding is, how common it is, and the differences between healthy and unhealthy forms. Learn practical strategies to manage this intense emotional response and ensure …

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' join me Luke Shillings, as I take a look into the fascinating world of polyamory to uncover valuable insights that can aid in healing from infidelity. Polyamorous relationships, known for their emphasis on open communication, emotional intelligence, and the unique concept of compersion, offer profound lessons …

Why don't affairs last? Drawing on both research and personal experiences, join me, Luke Shillings as I discuss the psychological, emotional, and social factors that contribute to the inherent instability of relationships that begin as affairs. Allow me to unpack the foundations of trust, the escape mechanism, emotional tolls, and the broader impac…

Ever feel like you're fumbling in the dark when it comes to relationships? You're not alone. Many of us never received a clear guide on how to manage and nurture our romantic partnerships. This episode of "After the Affair" serves as your missing manual to better understand the basics of romantic relationships. What You'll Learn: Communication Esse…

In this episode of "After the Affair," Caz Grant joins me to explore the intricacies of infidelity within the context of military life. We delve into how the unique challenges of the military lifestyle can impact personal relationships and communication, leading to profound isolation and unmet needs. Caz shares her personal journey through the afte…

In this introspective episode of "After the Affair," join me Luke Shillings as I take a closer look at the impact of our innermost thoughts on our relationships, especially in the context of infidelity. "Contemplating Infidelity" explores not just the actions that betray trust but the unseen thoughts that precede them. I examine the moral and emoti…

In this transformative episode of "After the Affair," hosted by me, Luke Shillings I take listeners on an enlightening journey, connecting the vast, expansive nature of the universe to the deeply personal path of growth after betrayal. Discover how embracing a growth mindset can lead you from the darkness of betrayal to the light of newfound streng…

Join me Luke Shillings as I question the moral and emotional dilemma of whether to inform an affair partner's spouse about the infidelity. This is a deep dive episode where I explore the topic from both sides. Well worth a listen if I do say so myself! This complex topic is unpacked through personal stories and a thorough examination of the pros an…

In this potentially uncomfortable episode of "After the Affair," join me Luke Shillings as I ask one of the most complex and emotionally charged questions faced by individuals navigating the aftermath of infidelity: Should I contact the affair partner? This episode unpacks the myriad of emotions, potential outcomes, and ethical considerations surro…

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I, Luke Shillings, dive deep into the heart of healing after infidelity. We explore two unique approaches to navigating the complex emotions and challenges that arise in the wake of betrayal. Without getting into the specifics of personal stories, I share insights into how we can tackle the overwhelming feelin…

Dive deep into the heart of healing with 'A Story of Betrayal: No Place Like Home,' a poignant episode of the 'After the Affair' podcast. In this episode, I'll take you on a journey that parallels the beloved tale many of us are familiar with, artfully connecting this age-old adventure to the emotional landscape of recovering from betrayal. Explore…

Join me, Luke Shillings, whilst I unpick the intricate dance between people-pleasing tendencies and the aftermath of infidelity. I offer a deep dive into how our fears and insecurities can shape our perception of our partners, leading us to create imaginary versions of them that fuel our self-judgment and people-pleasing behaviours. This episode sh…

Join host Luke Shillings on 'After the Affair' for an enlightening Episode 76, featuring the renowned counsellor and relationship expert David Essel. Dive into a conversation about personal healing, overcoming the victim mindset, and the path to meaningful relationships. David shares the necessity of addressing past resentments through therapy befo…

In this compelling continuation of our journey through healing, "8 Steps to Healing: Part 2 - Rebuilding and Renewal" takes us deeper into the transformative process of recovery from infidelity. Building on the foundational steps of Clarity, Belief, Forgiveness, and Growth discussed in Part 1, this episode explores the latter stages of the healing …

In this first part of a two-episode series, I begin outlining the 8 steps I took to heal from betrayal and then dive deeper in to the first four crucial steps to recovery. With personal insights and practical advice, I aim to guide you through the process of gaining Clarity, establishing Belief, embracing Forgiveness, and fostering Growth. This epi…

In this week's episode of "After the Affair," with infidelity recovery expert, Luke Shillings. He dives deep into the heart of relational conflicts, exploring the profound impact of empathy and understanding. With his signature warmth and relatability, Luke shares insights into how our unique life stories shape our perspectives, often leading to mi…

In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with the renowned Breakup Coach, Dorothy AB Johnson, to tackle one of the most challenging journeys one can face: getting over an ex after infidelity. Dorothy, with her compassionate approach and expertise, shares invaluable insights and practical strategies for healing and moving forward. We delve into the com…

In this insightful episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the complex interplay between forgiveness and reconciliation in the aftermath of infidelity. Drawing from my personal journey and professional expertise as a relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I explore whether forgiveness is an essential c…

In this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the surprising parallels between Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion and conflict dynamics in relationships. Entitled 'The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us Heal?', this episode explores the concept that every action in a relationship, especially dur…

Slide under the covers with me in this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair', where I get intimate with the intricacies of reigniting the spark after infidelity. I, Luke Shillings, team up with the ever-insightful sex guru, Lee-ann Cordingley, to untangle the sometimes knotty, always vital subject of rediscovering sexual chemistry following a b…

Join me, Luke Shillings in this eye-opening episode of the After the Affair podcast. Dive deep into the complexities of how betrayal in relationships clashes with our inherent human reward system. This episode explores the psychological underpinnings of trust and the profound impact of its breach, drawing connections to our natural drive for reward…

In "Facing Failure after Infidelity: Shifting the Narrative," Join me Luke Shillings as I explore the transformative journey of redefining failure in relationships post-infidelity. This episode delves into the emotional stages of recovery, the power of effective communication, and turning painful experiences into opportunities for growth. I invite …

Welcome to a Special Year-End Episode of 'After the Affair' Podcast Join me, Luke Shillings, as I embark on a reflective journey through 2023, revisiting key themes and episodes that have guided us in understanding infidelity, healing from betrayal, and building resilience. This episode not only serves as a powerful summary of the year but also off…

"Choice or Obligation: Should I Stay or Leave After the Affair?" explores the heart-wrenching decision-making process in the aftermath of infidelity. Hosted by relationship coach Luke Shillings, this episode delves deep into the emotional turmoil faced by both betrayed and unfaithful partners. Are you feeling like every part of you is saying you sh…

We begin by exploring the importance of recognizing what's within our control and what isn't. This crucial step sets the foundation for healing, helping us to focus our energy where it can truly make a difference. Join me, Luke Shillings, as I delve into the transformative journey of healing from infidelity and the ways in which my healing helped m…

Join me Luke Shillings in this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair', titled "What If It Was Me? Self-Reflection in the Wake of Betrayal." This episode delves deep into the introspective journey of understanding your own role in relationship dynamics, especially in the context of infidelity and betrayal. In this episode, we explore the ch…

In this enlightening episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I talk about 'Thought Addiction', something that many individuals face post-betrayal. Discover how repetitive, negative thought patterns can take hold and how you can break free from this mental trap to find healing and empowerment. Join me as I explore the thinking behin…

"Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?" Join me Luke Shillings as I challenge this oversimplified notion, bringing a nuanced perspective to the complex issue of infidelity and personal transformation. We begin by examining the human tendency to overgeneralise based on singular events to illustrate how our perceptions of likelihood and recurrence are of…

Join me in this enlightening episode of "After the Affair, where I delve into the often-overlooked phenomenon of self-gaslighting following infidelity. Hosted by myself, relationship & infidelity recovery coach Luke Shillings, this episode explores the subtle yet profound ways individuals unknowingly gaslight themselves after experiencing betrayal …

Explore the complex journey of rebuilding trust after the pain of infidelity in this insightful episode of 'After the Affair'. Join Luke Shillings, a dedicated relationship coach and podcast host, as he delves into one of the most challenging questions faced by those who have experienced betrayal: Can trust truly be restored? In "Trust After Betray…

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the profound connection between attachment styles and infidelity. Discover how being Anxiously Attached, Avoidantly Attached, or Fearful-Avoidant can influence the likelihood and aftermath of cheating in a relationship. Whether you're healing from betrayal or looking to s…

Welcome to the 'After the Affair' podcast trailer, your essential introduction to the gripping world of infidelity recovery and relationship rebuilding. Hosted by Luke Shillings, a certified relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, this podcast is your haven for navigating the turbulent waters of betrayal. Whether you're struggling w…

In this episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I sit down with guest Yasmin Majid as she shares her powerful story of love, resilience, and personal growth. Yasmin discusses her experience navigating a multicultural upbringing, her marriage of 23 years, and the unexpected revelations that led to its end. She opens up about the les…

In this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair,' I explore the challenging middle ground of the healing journey - affectionately coined as "Humping After the Affair." Don't let the cheeky title fool you; we're delving deep into that frustrating plateau where you feel stuck between the pain of the past and the uncertainty of the future. You've mad…

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I take a look at the societal pressures that shape how we cope, react, and even move forward. While the emotional toll of betrayal is a weighty topic by itself, the expectations from friends, family, and even complete strangers can add an invisible weight that often goes unspoken. I explore the history of soci…

In this episode of "After the Affair," host Luke Shillings interviews Charlotte Tweed, a family divorce solicitor, about her personal experience with divorce and infidelity. Charlotte shares her own story of growing up as a third-party observer of her parents' relationship breakdown and how it influenced her career choice. She also provides valuabl…

In this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair,' join me Luke Shillings, as I identify the key elements of a Doomed Relationship ... What to look out for and what to do about it, plus the aching question, When is it time to walk away? I kick off by identifying the red flags that could signal a doomed relationship—warning signs that you can't affo…

Are you carrying the heavy burden of guilt after discovering your partner's affair, wondering why you didn't act sooner on those red flags? In this eye-opening episode, I look into the emotional turmoil known as 'Inaction Guilt,' dispelling the myth that you're to blame for their betrayal. Learn how to navigate these complicated feelings and why it…

Joining us today is my guest, Ben Pugh, who during the course of conversations shares his background and insights on how parents can better support their children during their teenage years, amidst the changes caused by infidelity. We discuss how modifying our own behaviours can create a positive experience for ourselves and in turn, influence our …

In this 50th episode of "After the Affair," I take a look at the complexities of reentering the dating scene after experiencing betrayal. It's uncharted territory for many, laden with emotional landmines and haunting questions about trust. But as your host, Luke Shillings, I'll guide you through this daunting yet crucial phase in your healing journ…

In today's episode of 'After the Affair,' I uncover the often unspoken but pervasive issue that many betrayed partners grapple with: the Victim Mentality. Feeling like a victim is an easy trap to fall into after experiencing betrayal, but it's also a trap that can hinder your recovery and personal growth. Join me as I unravel: 1️⃣ The Danger of Vic…

In this episode of "After the Affair," host I am joined by guest Faust Ruggiero to discuss the importance of accountability and personal growth after a breakup. We delve into the complexities of relationships, infidelity, and the impact on our sense of identity. Join us as we explore practical strategies for moving forward and finding internal stre…

In this episode, I try to get a better understanding of those who cheat and how it affects the healing process after betrayal. Join me Luke Shillings as I uncover the emotions, justifications, and pain behind acts of infidelity. I dive into the mindset of the cheater, exploring the grey areas that often go overlooked. Remember, understanding does n…

In this episode of After the Affair, join me Luke Shillings as I welcome divorce and custody attorney Heather O'Connor to share her personal journey and professional expertise. Heather discusses the challenges and emotional complexities of divorce, highlighting the importance of seeking guidance and support during this difficult process. She shares…

Stuck with the stench of your ex's lover? In this controversial episode of 'After the Affair,' I dive into the dirty laundry and explore how to cleanse your life of the lingering presence of the affair partner. Join me, Luke Shillings, as I share my story, tools and strategies to air out the fallout and reclaim your space, your peace, and your life…