There's a mad doctor on the loose, and only two brave luchadoras (and some bumbling detectives) can bring him to justice! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch this early 60's Mexican adventure and discuss such pertinent topics as the positives and negative of predictability, how to save yourself from a spiked wall, and comparisons between the MCU and lu…

Wesley Snipes stars as a CIA assassin in an action movie that puts us to sleep, then wakes us up with jarring editing and sound effects! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about action movie tropes, Bourne vs Shooter, and an over-armed British police force. It's our review of The Contractor! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:24:15 - Summary 0:37:40 -…

A runaway rocket is circling the Earth, destroying everything in its path! Can a brilliant nuclear physicist figure out a solution AND get married before it's too late? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about women scientists, alien visitors, and the complete annihilation of Canada. It's our review of The Lost Missile! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Backgroun…

It's a special episode today as we pay respects to B-movie titan Roger Corman after his passing early last month. We're reviewing the last movie that Corman ever directed, a 1990 sci-fi horror film with some major starpower behind it. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about Mary Shelley, the aesthetics of Frankenstein's monster, and the legacy of Roge…

We're ropin' some evil bloodsuckers out on the range with this Uwe Boll flick! Can the pseudo-vampire Rayne deal with an Old West town that's slowly being tranformed into vampires? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about shaky cameras, piles of tropes, and the importance of missing some shots in a gunfight. It's our review of BloodRayne II: Deliveranc…

We all know from horror media that studying something too closely and too obsessively can kill you. So when a young student sets out to New England for firsthand sources on witchcraft, it probably isn't going to go well! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about inns and hotels, retreading plot points and plot holes, and...Julius Caesar? Throw another w…

Sherlock Holmes is the most-represented literary character in media, so it was elementary that one day we would watch a film with the deductive detective. This time Holmes has to unravel an assassination that he suspects was orchestrated by his villainous arch-rival, Moriarty. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about logic, different interpretations of…

It's time for another family-friendly 90s martial arts movie, but this one is really something special. Three kids are gifted the power of the Dragon and have to fight their way through an impressively bad piece of cinema! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about zen-filmmaking, Edward Said, and why kids, in general, deserve better.. It's our review of…

It's time for a 1970s sci-fi feature that tackles racism, bodily autonomy, and the best way to crash 10+ police cars. A doctor tries to save his own life by having his head attached to another man's body. What could go wrong? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about Get Out, Blues Brothers, and why needlepoint is for everyone. It's our review of The Th…

We're reviewing a kids' movie that is making us rethink our entire childhoods! Evil dinosaurs, giant ships, siblings that become one person, what isn't there to love? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk children's media, Mass Effect, dinosaur species, and suitmation. It's our review of Attack of the Super Monsters! Time stamps: 0:04:00 - Background 0:19…

Some movies seek to answer timeless questions, such as "Can an invincible knight find true love during the Crusades?" If you think the answer is yes, then give a listen to Tom and Ryan as they review an Italian fantasy romance and discuss such relevant topics as: Renaissance literature, elaborate costuming, and what it means to be a "visual philoso…

2023 somehow felt like it lasted 2 weeks and 10 years at the same time. But how did the movies we watched affect this time paradox? Which movie moment felt like it took forever? Which character would we most like to erase from history? And where does "zen filmmaking" fit into all of this? Find out in the 2023 Schlocky Awards! Time Stamps: 0:05:40 -…

Happy Holidays! It's time for another Christmas-themed crowd-pleaser from the Hallmark Channel. And this time the film is brand new for this year! Can a Christmas-loving community survive some new neighbors who are hyper-competitive about the most wonderful time of the year? And will our heroine receive the Christmas proposal she so desires? Join T…

There's an absolute Earthsaster happening as the entire world gets sucked through a wormhole! Can this problem be solved, or are we headed for an Earthpocalypse? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about modern film effects, comparisons to Lost and Terminator 2, and bloviating IMDB biographies. It's our review of Earthtastrophe! Time stamps: 0:05:45 - B…

There's an war going on right under our feet, and nobody but the top brass know about it! Why did we waste all our time going to space when we should have gone...beneath the Earth? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about racist depictions, running from a nuclear blast, and small-scale large-scale warfare. It's our review of Battle Beneath the Earth! T…

If you're still in the mood for Spooky Season, we have yet another Peter Cushing British horror film to keep the creeps coming. This time Cushing and Christopher Lee are dueling over a skeleton that seems intent on coming back to life! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about twist endings, vaccinations against evil, and what makes a B-movie worth watc…

A light night of recording means we're feeling a little rambly and a little punchy as we talk about a comedy with an all-star cast and way too few laughs. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about dry humor, punching down, and, of course, The Banana Boat Song. Hijinks ensure during our review of Chu Chu and the Philly Flash! Time stamps: 0:04:10 - Backg…

A sleepy town with an even sleepier bog is rocked by a series of murders. Can a local trio of a doctor, a sheriff, and a pathologist find out what's causing these deaths? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about dog vs monster sounds, poorly ended scenes, and even more poorly timed romances. It's our review of Bog! Time stamps: 0:04:45 - Background 0:2…

There's a secret cabal with a dastardly plot inside the US government, and only Charlie Sheen can bring them to light. But will a toy helicopter foil his plans? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk bad scripts, under-utilizing Linda Hamilton, and poor attempts at cyber-security. It's our review of Shadow Conspiracy! Time stamps: 0:05:35 - Background 0:30…

A wicked woman is visiting from another planet, and she has destruction on her mind. But is this film about a Devil Girl actually a kitschy sci-fi romp, or is it something else entirely? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk one-room plays, the Twilight Zone, and love at first sight. It's our review of Devil Girl from Mars! Time stamps: 0:05:40 - Backgrou…

They say the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing people that he doesn't exist. We argue think his greatest trick is actually gargoyles! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about Milton, biker gangs, and the importance of preserving a mating pair of demons. It's our review of the 70's made-for-TV snoozer, Gargoyles! Time stamps: 0:03:35 -…

Murder! A shipping magnate is killed in cold blood, and only one detective can solve the crime. Step aside, Sherlock Holmes, because James Lee Wong is on the case! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about problematic portrayals, the science of infrared light, and whether or not this movie might actually be watchable. It's our review of Doomed to Die! T…

Peter Cushing is back for more monster-horror adventures! This time a series of mysterious murders are being investigated in period England and Cushing has to figure out what's going on...wait, wasn't that the plot of the last Cushing movie we did? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about plot similarities, faux Frankenstein, and if being TOO British c…

Summer's here and the time is right to be watching horse movies! For all you animal-lovers out there, we have a real treat with a film about a city girl going to the country to find meaning (and love along the way)! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about atrocious audio, dreary dialogue, and why horses are so important to horse movies. It's our revie…

It's been a while since we had a true-blue kung fu martial arts movie, so we figured it was time to get our fists flying and our feet kicking with a mystical early 80's fighting film from Taiwan. Can Shaolin Fox unravel the mystery of the Purple Jade Badger? How many people will die along the way? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about cheap sound ef…

The year is 1943 and America is in the midst of the Second World War. Able-bodied people are needed for the military, but how do you convince people to join outside of the draft? Enter patriotic war movies like this one, about a man on the run who rejoins the Navy on a minesweeper! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about big boys, gambling debts, and …

A former DEA agent confronts the evil cabal who kidnapped his brother. The trailer calls this film "part RoboCop, part Terminator," but...is it? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about island tourism, lazy action sequences, and changing your pants in the bed of a truck! It's our review of Cyborg Cop! Time Stamps: 0:05:10 - Background 0:19:35 - Summary…

It's time to revisit one of our favorite horror B-movie actors; that's right, it's Peter Cushing time! We're watching as he tries to solve a series of grisly murders that all seem to point to...a werewolf! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about confused timelines, English-French accents, and what it feels like to encounter a somewhat decent movie for…

It's not often that we come across a movie that makes us reflect on the big questions: what is art? What qualifies as a movie? Why the hell did we watch this? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk self-aggrandizing actors, dream logic editing, katana-wielding priests, and of course, Zen filmmaking. It's our review of The Legend of the Rollerblade Seven! T…

There's a rogue agent looking to unleash a wave of terror on the world, and only a proto-Charlie's Angels squad of female agents can stop him! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss super-imposed explosions, surprise assassinations, and undermined female empowerment. It's our review of The Doll Squad! Time stamps: 0:03:35 - Background 0:23:10 - Summary …

A meteorite has awakened a primitive beast from its slumber in the Pacific Northwest. How will a bunch of 1970s hillbillies stop its murder spree? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss surprising special effects collaborations, condensed plot arcs, and bad British accents. It's our review of The Crater Lake Monster! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:…

It was only a matter of time before we ended up reviewing a SyFy original movie, and our desire to revisit the disaster film genre has led us to doing just that. The disaster this time? Earthquakes! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss phoned-in performances, stealth lasers, and shoe-meltingly bad effects. It's our review of Megafault! Time stamps: 0:…

It's time for some classic Roger Corman, and this time we're looking at one of his earlier films, a horror monster movie with a classic sci-fi bent. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss liquid shellfish, never-ending action, and The Professor from Gilligan's Island. It's our review of Attack of the Crab Monsters! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:24…

Rocky, Million-Dollar Baby, Real Steel...just how many fighting sport films are out there, anyway? This film makes the case that there's at least one too many! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss porno credits, wrestling vs kickboxing, and Maine-based community theater. It's our review of Final Impact! Time stamps: 0:02:30 - Background 0:22:00 - Back…

Foreign sci-fi films are our bread and butter, so how could we resist watching a late 60s Italian film about brave atronauts meeting troubled aliens? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss Mombasa, Level 4 specimens, and the most successful sci-fi book series ever made. It's our review of Mission Stardust! Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:16:25 - Bac…

2022 was the year we came out of and/or started ignoring the pandemic, but did the movies this year make us sick? Which visual was the most stomach-churning? Which terrible moment is seared into our memories? And what exciting first is happening for our awards this year? Find out in the 2022 Schlocky Awards! Time Stamps: 0:03:25 - Explanation, Film…

Ho ho ho! It's our seasonal holiday episode, and we're once again tackling a Christmas romance that doesn't deliver! This time it's former sweethearts who have gone their separate ways...but can the magic of the season bring them back together? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss beauty pagent drama, movie Santas, bad sound production, and real-life …

More Roger Corman?? Say it ain't so! We've got a depressing 1950s morality tale all about the corrupting influence of money, power, and worst of all--women! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about professional safecrackers, precise timing, and swift conclusions. It's our review of High School Big Shot! Time stamps: 0:03:55 - Background 0:21:50 - Back-…

There's almost a comfort in returning to the sword-and-sorcery genre. It's time for an 80s fantasy film inspired by Heavy Metal aesthetics that isn't shy about indulging in excess. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk bad beheadings, non-stop nudity, and evasive editing in this cheesy flick. It's our review of Deathstalker! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Backgro…

Back-to-back weeks of terrible film! We've seen some of the worst that cinema has to offer, but is it possible that we've watched two all-time bad movies right in a row? Join Tom and Ryan as they swim with the sharks and talk about awful acting, atrocious audio, and some of the creepiest (in a bad way) scenes we've ever been subjected to. It's our …

We've been through some of the worst films in cinematic history. We survived Plan 9. Made it through Manos. Pushed through The Room. But is this the worst film we've ever watched for this podcast? Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Mike as they discuss a romantic comedy that must be one of the lows of cinema, while also getting in some comments abou…

Sometimes genre films cross lines and blend together disparate elements to make compelling viewing. But despite the talent of actors like Jack Palance, Westworld this isn't. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about proper experiment procedures, love trapezoids, and killing for fun and profit. It's our review of Welcome to Blood City! Time stamps: 0:04:…

It's time to check out a legend of the silver screen, Bela Lugosi in a late-career cheap thriller that isn't exactly Dracula. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss the relative opacity of spirits, disappearing spouses, and executing the wrong person for a crime. It's our review of The Invisible Ghost! Time stamps: 0:03:30 - Background 0:27:40 - Back-of…

What's more exciting than transportation logistics? If you said "anything," then we'd like to change your mind with this 70's made-for-TV action film about truckin'! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss highway weight limits, one-sheriff towns, and good truckin' buddies. It's our review of Hijack! Time stamps: 0:03:50 - Background 0:23:25 - Back-of-th…

We do plenty of genre pictures on this podcast, but one genre we've rarely looked at is the romantic drama. It's high time we rectified that by watching this ice-cold clunker from the 80's about a bubble boy and his rocker love interest! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss plate glass sex scenes, whiny main characters, and the various state requireme…

It's the mid-2000s and fantasy is IN thanks to Lord of the Rings! Unfortunately wer're stuck with a D-grade attempt at an LotR-style fantasy movie based on a video game, headed by Uwe Boll. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk action stars, over-acting, and cramming too much plot into one poorly paced film. It's our review of In the Name of the King: A D…

Finally it's time to tackle a good ol' buddy-style action-comedy! And what better buddy pair could we ask for than Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson? Join Tom and Ryan as they look at a sequel that kicks and punches its way through London. On the way they'll discuss writing v. fighting, British imperialism, and blowing up Donnie Yen with a firework. It's…

What can you do about a group fo delinquent kids chopping up cars for parts? What about delinquent kids playing bad 50s rock 'n' roll? Join Tom and Ryan as they attempt to answer these pressing questions, as well as discuss important topics like driving chickens, the target audience at drive-ins, and incompetent detectives. It's our review of the 1…

Gamera is a friend to all children and a foe to anyone who wants to destroy Expo 70! Yes, we're back with another kaiju film starring everyone's favorite giant turtle. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about scenic green space in the lungs, the Tower of the Sun, and how to stay safe when your city is being seiged by giant monsters. Strap into your tin…

Ewoks! Ewoks! Ewoks! It's the second made-for-TV-and-British-theaters Ewoks adventure film, this time with our favorite Liberty Mutual spokesman, Wilford Brimley. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest and Star Wars expert Greg as they talk about horse colors, bad masks, and super-speedy Teeks. It's our review of Ewoks: The Battle for Endor! Time stamps…