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Cinemasochists

Cinemasochists

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Sean, Michael and Jacob - with occasional guests - get together and watch critically raped films to figure out if they're as bad as we remember. They usually are. Don't hesitate to request, complain or send hugs to: Cinemasochists@gmail.com
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Hey loyal Cinemasochists of the world! We're back! After a 6 month long hiatus, we decided to spice things up a bit and after many, many requests to do a video podcast, we decided to cave in and try it out. But that wasn't enough. We needed more. You DESERVE more! Instead of just a regular old "bad movie" pick like we usually do, we decided to do t…
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Greetings everyone! After what we thought was the WORST valentine's day movie two years ago (I Hate Valentines Day - http://cinemasochists.blogspot.com/2011/02/episode-28-i-hate-valentines-day-and.html) we decided to out do ourselves with something perhaps even worse... Heartbeeps is the "romantic adventure" of two robots in love and stars Andy Kau…
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Hey gang! Happy New Year! After marathons and "special" episodes we're back reviewing what most of you might call a pretty random film. This slightly obscure gem is what some say helped kill Bob Dylans career (for at least a decade...) "if you want to feel the heat, you've got to learn to play with fire" HEARTS OF FIRE! Directed by: Richard Marquan…
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We did it! We finally freakin' did it! Sure, we made it through 50 episodes, but more importantly, we made it through one of the defining films that make up the Cinemasochist mold......"Oh, hi THE ROOM!" Did we like it? Did we see past the irony? Did Lisa really tear Johnny apart? Find out in EPISODE 50!!…
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We're back!! No, we didn't watch "We're Back; A Dinosaurs Story"but we did watch something almost as ridiculous... CATWOMAN!Halle Berry's turn as Catwoman was a unanimously reviled piece of celluloid. Does it hold up 8 years later? Does Anne Hathaway carry the Catwoman torch now? Did we LIKE this movie?? Listen in and find out, kids! LISTEN TO EPIS…
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After cheating our way through 15 (uh-hem, 11) movies, we finally made it to what CNBC named the "BIGGEST BOX OFFICE BOMB" of all time, CUTTHROAT ISLAND! Now keep in mind this "marathon" took us a year and in the interim, at least 3 films have made this list. But for now, enjoy episode 48! special guest: Denver Smith…
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alrightalrightalright. We finally made it to the TOP 5!!! This is (as of a year ago) the fifth Biggest Box Office Bomb of all time! SAHARA! Matthew McConaughey gets tan and tanner and tanner before our eyes in this bloated action extravaganza. Penelope Cruz happens to be there too.... We discuss more current box office bombs, Clive Cussler readers …
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The witch is back! So sayeth the trailer for this horrendous sequel to The Blair Witch Project. I wasn't convinced the witch was even there and more importantly, there were no books and there were no shadows....Just sayin! We are taking a break from B.B.O.B. marathon for the month of October so we can indulge in some good ol' fashion horror crap! E…
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This episode happens to be our very first animated flick. Not on any of our radars, but necessary as part of our 15 Biggest Box Office Bombs. Number 11 of said series almost bankrupt Disney for about 5 minutes..They probably shouldn't have paid the Goo Goo Dolls for the horrendous tune featured in the flick.... Enjoy Episode 39, Treasure Planet!…
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Number 12 of our 15 Biggest Box Office Bombs marathon happens to be quite a fitting flick. In this recession, it seems the US Postal Service isn't doing very well. But what if, in a post apocalyptic world, it was in fact, the one thing that brings USA back together????? The Postman, starring, directed AND produced Kevin Costner asks us that and a f…
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It's been way too long, but we're back. And what a stylin' way to come back. ALMOST too fat Val Kilmer and Carrie Anne Moss star in the Mars-sploitation flick, Red Planet, which is #13 in our "Biggest Box Office Bombs" marathon series! Sean was not there this week, but Noah and Michael had help from the very funny Jared Galante.So, before you go se…
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This week we took a detour from the "Top 15 Biggest Box Office Bombs" or BBOB's to do a movie that may be close to many hearts, including our special guest; BLOODSPORT!Our guest this week was Daniel Gallai, co-director of the upcoming documentary about Frank Duks (JCVD's character in Bloodsport) called "Put Up Your Dux"If you're a fan of Bloodsport…
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Lately we've been traveling down a road traveled by very few. It's uncertain how many have come out alive, but I know that after the experience of "Collision Course" I'm surprised we made it unscathed....At least I think we did.This is the pits, people. How was this ever made??Check out Episode 32, but don't check out "Collision Course"...Please.…
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Popeye. Altman. Williams. Evans. Nilsson. Sounds great, right? Well, boy will you be red if you watch this. Listen to episode 31 first and find out what we thought of Robert Altman's 1980 Popeye.Special guest this week is Logan Crow of www.mondocelluloid.com andwww.lbcinema.orgIf you're a Long Beach native who loves film, you should probably know t…
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This was it.... The record breaker. "I Hate Valentine's Day" was chosen by our special guest Amy Claire and, boy did she pick a whopper!! Listen in and DONT see this movie! This stars Nia Vardalos of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" fame! Happy V - Day! check out Amy Clair online: http://www.missamyclaire.com…
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Recorded on at Echo Park Film Center on my (Sean's) birthday back in December, Episode 25 is a personal favorite. We lay into Tim Burtons beyond lackluster "Planet of The Apes" remake. As I say early on, it was quite a missed opportunity. If you have doubts, listen to this and go watch the original! Enjoy! imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0133152/…
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For the next 2 episodes we will pay tribute to the late, great Dino De Laurentiis by tearing into his two KING KONG films. First up, his expensive 1976 sexercised remake of KING KONG starring Jessica Lange, Jeff Bridges and Charles flippin' Grodin! We discuss sex, savagery and the seventies all rolled into one hairy episode! Enjoy and stay tuned ne…
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To coincide with the release of "The Expendables" we decided to watch another Sylvester Stallone train wreck, "Rhinestone". Dolly Parton teaches Sly how to be a singing cowboy.......Seriously. Rhinestone (1984) Starring: Sylvester Stallone and Dolly Parton Directed by: Bob Clark Written by: Sylvester Stallone imdb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt00880…
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This week we watched the fourth (and worst) of the 1990's Batman saga; Batman & Robin!! Uma hams it up, Arnold says the worst one liners humanly possible and Clooney is a bobble head. Our special guest this week was Logan Crow from Mondo Celluloid! www.mondocelluloid.com Batman & Robin (1997) Starring: George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uma Thu…
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You freeze. You walk backwards. You DIE.....from laughter. Wowie wow, was this movie terrible. This week we "happened" upon "The Happening", M. Night Shayamalalalmaman's take on a George Romero movie. Jake insists on hating, although he's seen it 4 times. Sean tries to find good in it and Michael laughs.. A LOT. The Happening - 2008 Starring; Mark …
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Jack Nichols-- I mean, Christian Slater plays George Kuffs; a womanizing, fast talking, public safety cop. Boredom and lackluster jokes ensue...Special guest this week is Noah Green!KUFFS - 1992Starring: Christian Slater, Milla JovovichDirected by: Bruce EvansWritten by: Bruce Evans and Raynold Gideon…
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Sterling Andrews returns to show us her sisters finest moment, "Tonya and Nancy; The Inside Story" This is the made for TV movie about the ice skating scandal... This "meta" movie within a movie wouldve been better as a sitcom..... Tonya & Nancy; The Inside Story - 1994 Starring; Alexandra Powers and Heather Langenkamp Directed by; Larry Shaw Writt…
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Don Johnsons first starring role has a telepathic dog, atomic bombs and Jason Robards! This one is actually quite good! Our special guest this week was Jimi Cabeza de Vaca, leader of the Cabeza de Vaca Arkestra! They will be performing a LIVE accompaniment to "Aelita; Queen Of Mars" in Los Angeles this week! A Boy And His Dog - 1975 Directed by: L.…
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Saved By The Bell + Starship Troopers + Vegas = SHOWGIRLS!! In this episode we discuss the VIP edition of the film. Heres a link to buy it! SHOWGIRLS VIP DVD EDITION! Showgirls - 1995 Starring: Elizabthe Berkeley, Gina Gershon, Kyle Mclaughlin Directed by: Paul Verhoeven Written by: Joe Eszterhaus IMDB PAGE…
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This week "Best Worst Movie" was released in Los Angeles. We interviewed the film makers Michael Paul Stephenson and George Hardy. "Best Worst Movie" is a documentary about the cult of Troll 2, deemed the worst movie ever!!!! Be sure to listen to our Cinemasochists review of "Troll 2" as well!
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This week we watched "The Seventh Coin" with Sterling Andrews, the younger sister of Alexandra Powers; the lead actress of the film. YEEEAHH! Dig the personal anecdotes and my "special" impression of Peter O Toole! It's a good episode. I swear! The Seventh Coin - 1992 Starring: Alexandra Powers, Peter O Toole and Jonathan Rhys Davies Directed by: D…
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Christopher Lee. Werewolf boobs. That's about it..... After recording this podcast, we realized that, flawed and bad as this film was, it not bad enough. So, enjoy a condensed episode of Cinemasochists! 1985 Starring: Christopher Lee, Sybill Danning Director: Philippe Mora Writers: Gary Brandner (novel) Robert Sarno (screenplay) Twice the terror! T…
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