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How to Get Your Child to Really Talk to You
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Let me suggest that instead of asking simply, “How was school today?” try some of the following questions:
1. What’s something new you leaned to do in school today?
2. What’s something fun that happened at school today? Or something funny that happened or something that made you sad or angry? Tell me about it.
3. How would you rate your day today: 1-great; 2- good; 3-ok; 4-below average; 5-awful
(For a younger child you might draw or cut out a few faces that show different emotions and have them choose the one that matches how their day was.)
4. Then ask: Why did you choose that one to describe your day. (OR) What happened today that made you choose that one?
5. Did someone say something nice or do something nice for you today?
6. Did you say something nice or do something nice for someone today?
7. Did you make a new friend today? Tell me about them?
8. Is there something you are learning that you feel you don’t understand and need more help with?
9. What do you like about your teacher or teachers?
10. What’s one thing that would make each day at school better?
Having good conversation starters can work for all ages. Perhaps start a list of your own ideas you that you can use to spark a conversation with your child.
And when our child does come to us on his or her own and wants to talk, we need to listen whole-heartedly. If possible, we should stop what we are doing, look them in the eye and focus on them. We all know that’s not always possible—but we can make an effort or we can make and appointment with them as soon as possible to sit down and talk. “I really want to hear what you have to say but right now I’m in the middle of ______. Could we talk in an hour, when I can give you my full attention?”
Begin by praying that God will help you be a good listener and that your child will feel free to talk with you about their experiences at school—good or bad. Sometimes they may just need us to listen and not offer advice. At other times they may be open to our suggestions. If we’re aways trying to give them advice or solve their problems, they may clam up and not want to talk with us. Perhaps ask them if they’d like to hear a suggestion from you after they share. If they say no, just give them a hug and tell them you’re always there just to listen.
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