Navigating Life and Success: An Inspiring Conversation with Philip

Adulting with Autism

Hey guys, welcome to Adulting with Autism, the podcast where we dive into the rollercoaster of adulthood through a neurodiverse lens. I'm April Ratchford, your friendly occupational therapist mom, proudly on the spectrum and raising an amazing young adult son with autism. Join us as we share stories, tips, and laughs, offering a supportive space for anyone navigating life's twists and turns. Grab your drink of choice, no judgment, and let's embark on this journey together. This is Adulting with Autism.

Hey guys, hey. Happy Saturday. I told you guys I would end up doing two episodes a week for you guys. It just happens the second one's on a Saturday. And I hear you guys judging me. Who does episodes on Wednesdays and Saturdays? This therapist does. Tried Fridays. It's a dumpster fire for therapists on Fridays. So I had to go to Wednesdays and it just so happens Saturdays are a great day for therapists.

I love you guys' feedback of what you like, what you don't, because you're pretty honest with me. I like honesty, even if it's brutal. One thing I do like to give you guys is a rounded out opinion, well, not opinion, but a rounded out view of different people on the autism spectrum. And my next guest is a guest who is on the autism spectrum and he's quite accomplished. And I want you to hear his perspective of how he grew up with autism because he wasn't really diagnosed until he was four. His grandmother was a big influence on his life. She just kept on trucking and kept reading and working with him until he started talking.

Let me tell you about Philip. Philip is an accomplished author, consultant, and entrepreneur who previously has worked with FedEx, Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, and Chick-fil-A. He got his Master's of Divinity degree from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, his MBA from Harvard Business School, and his bachelor's degree majoring in political science and economics from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Philip has previously been featured in Business Insider, Entrepreneur Magazine, Forbes, and LinkedIn, as well as a number of podcasts.

When Philip is not fulfilling his purpose to grow God's people, grow God's businesses and grow God's kingdom, he enjoys reading, cheering on his Tar Heels, and raising his twin daughters with his wife, Myra. Now, Philip has also written a couple of books: "Disagree Without Disrespect" and "Future Proof, How to Adopt and Master Artificial AI to Secure Your Job and Career."

So I would love for you to give a warm welcome to Philip and listen to his story.

Hey, April.

Hey, how are you?

Good, how are you?

Good. Thank you for rescheduling. My niece got married last weekend and it was a zoo.

I can imagine. Dealing with change can be difficult to handle regardless of whether you're on the spectrum or not. It was a beautiful wedding, but I'm so glad it was over.

No problem. I get it. Because I know you have two little girls.

Mm-hmm. How old are they?

Seven.

You got a long way to go. Just wait. Just wait.

I know. I know. I know. Walking them down the aisle, that's a whole other thing. But I'm kind of glad I got time on my hands, not having to worry about that anytime soon.

My dress doesn't fit or I don't like the way it looks. Okay, all right, we're dealing with dolls right now so I can handle that a little bit better right now. So welcome to my podcast, I'm so glad you're on. I looked at your bio and I want to be you when I grow up also. You've accomplished so much.

Thank you.

I was like, wow, I was like, I'm on only thing number three, hopefully Lord willing I got a little more I'd like to go so some more things on my list I'd like to accomplish as well. So I was like, oh, my gosh, I can't even get myself together just to get this podcast. There's one step at a time, that's all we can do, you know, just build on that.

So tell my audience a little bit about yourself and how you came to get here with all your accomplishments.

Yeah. So I think I started out just like any other human being that had to be born first, had to learn how to breathe, to eat, use the bathroom, all that sort of stuff. So the highlight there is, you know, my story started out like a lot of other people's stories.

I think from there, April, a lot of what was going on for me was something that I wasn't really aware of because I was so young, but it became apparent to my family that I was processing things, doing things a lot differently from other kids my age, even to the point where my mom has told me in the past that I didn't speak until I was four. Right. I can't comprehend what I was thinking or saying or doing when I was four. I have no recollection, right? So I can only imagine what that was like, being nonverbal at that point.

What I will say is I think a huge indicator for me to be on the right path, so to speak, was having early intervention from people in my family, like my grandmother, somebody who didn't see any difference as far as me versus other kids, but as far as being treated differently. You know, back then autism or autism spectrum wasn't held to the same regards it is now, nor was it really spoken of. It was more so like associated with like being special, right? Or special education. Right. And so it was almost a sense where it's like thinking that this kid is clearly not on the same levels of all the typical kids. So it's almost like you're grooming that family of a different way of teaching and a different lifestyle altogether, different life goals for that kid, even at an early age.

And my grandmother, for example, saw things really differently. She said, hey, my boy can read, my boy can do all these things, you just watch. And so I remember what I do remember a few summers when I was really young, sitting on her lap and basically tracing letters on those blue and white handwriting tablets that we used to have in school. I don't know if they still have them now, but I used to really learn how to actually write back then. And even now when people compliment me on my handwriting for the few times since we're all on the computer typing digital smartphone age texting, very few occasions we actually handwriting something. So the few times where that happens, a lot of people that compliment me, I just hold as a credit to my grandmother. Whether it was teaching me handwriting, multiplication, flashcards later on in life. I remember learning Chinese checkers with her. She really just, more than anything else, she taught me. She showed me a lot of love and dedication, irregardless of how I looked on the outside with regards to progress.

And I think the biggest thing from that, April, was when I was in seventh grade, it was more so the sense of thinking, you know, my mom's raising me and my sister on her own with the assistance of my grandparents. My father's not present during this time. So I'm not the only male role model I'm getting is from my grandfather who should be retired, but it's now taking part trying to help us. And the best way I could be of service or of gratitude to my family for all the sacrifices and things that they were doing to help give me the best education possible was not necessarily sign up for a part-time job. My job was to excel in the classroom. And so I remember that as far as the best way to show appreciation for my mom, my grandmother, and my grandfather was to do very well in the classroom. So I went from a young kid that was just trying to fit in, really wasn't trying to go above and beyond to being valedictorian in my class in eighth grade, going to a top college prep high school that following year, graduating top 10 percent, got accepted to every college I applied to, including the Ivy League, got a full scholarship to University of North Carolina Chapel Hill.

I think from there it just kind of blossomed to, you know, I really want to do the very best with what's given in front of me because I realized that, you know, hey, you can only do so much if someone's giving you something. But if you're not maximizing, optimizing, or doing the best with what you have, you might not get much more out of that. And just excelling at what's on my plate, that was the best way for me to share my gratitude for my family, for all they've done up to that point for me growing up.

Do you feel like even now that autism has been, you know, accelerated into more than it has been, that kids, minority kids still are being diagnosed later than they should be? Because I know that even I had to fight for my son to be diagnosed. And it just seems like they're starting later and later and not getting that intervention that they need to kind of excel to where they need to be.

Yeah. So I can't speak in terms of like medical professional or somebody that works in that sort of realm as far as like, you know, whether it's diagnosing kids with autism spectrum disorder or working with kids with ASD. What I will say, though, is I think whether it's from my experience growing up or my experience here with two kids that are on the autism spectrum and the amount of effort my wife and I have been working on from an early intervention standpoint to help our kids close the gap or bridge the gap. Yeah, I definitely see the risk there. And I think, if anything, regardless of background, I think it really attests to, you know, for lack of a better word, just like a parent's love and fight for and advocacy for his or her kid. Because I think even for me as a parent, sometimes, you know, I could notice something, but I'm a first-time parent. I got two kids. They're twin daughters. I'm experiencing this for the first time. So there's some things that might pass over me I don't notice or don't see as something different compared to other kids. So sometimes you don't know what you don't know. And I think that, you know, one of those things that comes out of it is kind of seeing where your kids are and where they could be and getting that type of, you know, guidance or instruction or resources that other parents may get more so than others. And sometimes the tragedy of not knowing what you don't know can come back later on and really harm you later on.

And being autistic yourself, what challenges do you feel going through all the education that you've gone through did you have? Getting supports. Because I know a lot of kids going through higher education have a lot of difficulty getting supports that they need to actually excel with their courses.

Yeah, I think for me, like I remember having speech therapy in elementary school and doing certain activities and accommodations more so in elementary school than beyond. I think once I got into middle school and started really taking things to another level academically, I didn't have any accommodations at that point but what I would say is even with me being on inspection growing up in like middle and high school I did grasp or at least try to grasp the idea of just me looking at things differently from the rest of my classmates and trying to figure out why I process things or why I have, you know, even like from a social skills standpoint, which probably becomes more pronounced as you get into like middle and high school, how you approach things with your friends and, you know, love interests, if you want to call that or crushes back then. I probably went about things differently from your typical person to your typical adolescent boy. But I didn't know why, right? I didn't have a good sense of that. And I think to the best of their ability, my mom and my grandparents tried to fill in the gaps and answer questions when I was just curious, trying to figure out why I am the way I am or why I process or do things a certain way that I do that might be different or why I may be perceived or treated differently because of how I go about things. And I think that, you know, even just in reflection, that probably was more so the case. Like, why am I coming off so different? Why am I having a tough time fitting in? And then also getting to a point of just embracing my uniqueness, which honestly, it's something that followed me even to this day. Just kind of really acknowledging, hey, just I'm a different type of human being. I go about things differently. And some people understand this. Some people do not. And some people are fans of it. Some people are not. And, you know, that's something that I realize a lot of other people deal with, too, even if they're neurotypical.

Were you a lot like a lot of other autistic people, very much a loner? Or did you have like maybe that one best friend?

That's me. Listen, it's... Jeez. I, yeah, I can count on like half a hand at any given point in time of my life as far as like friends or people I trusted. I also tend to be the type of person that I can be very self-guarded as far as who I become vulnerable in front of, defensive in a sort. Because I've been burned before. And I think, yeah, like part of a loner is just like for me, like growing up, like my grandmother was my best friend. When she passed, there was a huge gap that, you know, I just didn't feel as comfortable around other people to the same degree I was with around her. I had one or two college friends. I had, you know, friends in high school, but like one or two. But yeah, I think how you describe April. Yes, I'm pretty much a loner, which was why, you know, when I got married was so important because, you know, when I got married eight years ago, it was more so not just the thought of getting married. It's just like, I feel like I have like a best friend that if I can't trust anybody else, I at least know I have that one person that understands me, warts and all, is an advocate for me, loves me unconditionally. And I feel like I can go the distance like for the rest of the life of my life, God willing, that I feel like supported and I can support her too.

So for those out there that I know my son tends to have all the questions about relationships and dating and sometimes I cannot answer all those questions for him. It's not always an easy task to open up yourself to somebody else or date. What would you say to everybody? Just take your time and just there's somebody out there, but it's OK to just take your time and just find that person. They're out there.

Yeah, I mean, I think it's kind of a similar thing. When I was going through it in my own experience, there's definitely questions I felt comfortable sharing or asking my mother. Questions I felt more likely to share with my grandfather or my grandmother and there are questions quite honestly I felt sad I couldn't ask my dad sad that my dad wasn't around, to really be open to having the type of relationship where I feel trusting to ask someone who is like a spitting image of right I came from you you are a man like me or a young man for me and I can't ask those questions or don't feel comfortable or trusting to ask those questions I think it's unfortunate and I think with regards to that it's like it really gets down to trust more than anything else to your point I think if it's if it's young men that have these type of questions it's helpful to have an older man that you trust like a father or a father figure. So we're not burdening our mom with questions. Either she may not feel comfortable sharing or honestly feels like somebody better can handle those type of questions. But outside of that, yeah, I think the key is if you can't find somebody on that level to trust and ask those questions, take your time for sure. Don't rush into it because you're learning. We also live in an age now that we have a lot of knowledge at our fingertips now with regards to the internet now with artificial intelligence where it's just like even just the curious person can just behind a computer screen at his or her leisure his or her privacy can ask just about any question that he or she has and get some sort of answer to go off of and that could be good and a little concerning too depending on the nature of the questions and the nature of the responses that come out.

How did you overcome being comfortable speaking in front of a lot of people?

So I think a lot of that came from both my mom and my grandmother. I think a good part of that was understanding that, you know, going from nonverbal to feeling comfortable speaking in front of groups of people, it definitely didn't happen overnight. It was something that I struggled with initially because a lot of the fears of public speaking come out for anybody. It's just like, you know, how I be perceived, you know, how, you know, I'd be able to deliver it. You know my voice squeak you know certain things like that I think it just came off in the sense where you had people that instilled in you a certain sense of confidence that they believed in you they believe you can do it they also give you the reality that this is not something that just comes easy you're gonna have to practice you're gonna have to get better at it you're gonna have to learn from things you don't do well at just like with any skill at the same time I think I've also learned just how powerful communication can be, not just to express yourself, but to further your own career. And so just kind of seeing like the incentive to get good at communication really started to become like more of a self propeller for me. Like you could see like the reason why it's helpful. And now it's not external coming from somebody else. Now it's like internally like, OK, I'm doing good so far and I want to get better