Excerpt | “Crisis of Faith” - Are You Listening?

Are You Listening?

Sometimes I wonder why I ever ended up in the pastorate. From the early days of childhood into high school I desired to be a surgeon, then along came chemistry and I was satisfied in music. Along the way, I've become an expert in many subjects and hobbies from illusions/sleight of hand to martial arts. I've spent countless hours studying the human mind, quantum physics, defensive logistics, combat theory, chess, and tonal dissonance. Years have taught my body to dance, climb mountains, swim, trackstand on a switchback, and devour ten thousand calories in 24 hours. My mind has learned to foster thought, engage the critics, leave the fight, stay the course, feel the pressure and rest in grace. Skills have prepared me to fix dryers, motherboards, vehicles, bones, restore homes, landscape, hang drywall, frame houses, dig footers, and put in the pipes. I can even sew, hem pants, taper a shirt, prepare a marketing analysis, produce video, graphic design, program websites, and set the clock on the microwave. The point, I've done a lot of stuff in my short life and none of it has ever been half-hearted. I don't understand the purpose of being so-so at anything. Those things that my body did so well have fallen away to a thing called arthritis. What my brain used to manage abruptly wrecked through another harsh and painful experience known as depression. In all of it, I have never found an identity. None. A common thread has always been stitched into every part of my life. The Word of God, from the earliest of days, has been a source of joy and power for me. It's a grand example of the grace and mercy of the Lord to work in His children a love for Him through Scripture. For most of my life, I could engage in any forum, any hobby, any point in culture and do well. I've learned to shoot, sing, fight, play seven instruments and have done well at a few business ventures but in all of them, I have always found myself in the word, ministering to others, listening and teaching them the truth of Christ. As a matter of honesty, I never really wanted to be a pastor and was content with the idea of being used by the Lord in everything. But God in all His purpose will do with us as He chooses, not how we choose. In the Lord's "putting" me into the ministry as a vocation I brought a lot of my personality and 'skills' to the table. I was taught early on that my 'tool belt' was vital to the success of the ministry of the church. Looking to be the best and giving myself the OK to be "all in", I quickly began to surround myself with successful people who were accomplishing what I felt to be the right fruit. Historically I have served in many areas of church life having worked with youth, children, music, teaching, seminaries, evangelism, missions, and everything in between. I have witnessed 300 enter the baptismal waters in a year's time, seen thousands "come to faith" at "services", and been on staff with church plants and mega-churches, some of the prior becoming the latter. In the end, even "ministry" never became my identity. There is a lot of heartache and pain under my belt for which I am eternally grateful because without it, I would have never truly seen the substance of Christ's suffering and how we identify with Him. Having written several unpublished works on my journey, I've learned it doesn't really matter at the end of all the suffering if we don't finish well. I've also learned that pain is part of progress and thinking that utopic days are our goal is childish and foolish surrealism. There are a few pain points of ministry though that I've learned sting much harder than normal. In all the calamities of sorts, nothing has been more hurtful than when friends and loved ones reject the Lord Jesus and love the world more than ever. When Family Members Claim Christ but Hate Truth When the Fan Base Becomes the Mob When the Brother is replaced with Beligerance Suppose that a life without Christ was blissful with no pain.