NRR 20 - Abducted!

Benny's Grab Bag

Did anyone see a flying saucer above Burger King in the wee hours of the morning? Did anyone else see a broadcaster in bare feet and pj’s being eaten by said flying saucer? Or was that just me? This is Vox and you’re listening to Not Really Radio.

Sources from inside the FBCI got a hold of me this morning. Now, I know what you’re thinking, they probably just approached me in one of their black nondescript government vehicles and passed me some kind of note, right? Cause that’s what they do.

I wish.

No, this time I was awakened by a strange light in my bedroom that lifted me gently from my bed, out the closed window [so that has to be replaced, through the trees [because I wasn’t scraped up enough by the broken glass], under the water tower, around Ousterhout’s flowers, love that place, over Burger King, who I will never recommend for your floral needs, and then high into the air to the waiting flying saucer which opened like a giant bubble tape dispenser to allow me entry. If you know anything about Tecumseh’s layout then you realize I was treated to a completely unnecessary tour of half the town during my abduction. I was then deposited gently - but really, why bother? - on a cold steel floor in my bare feet.

Two agents who called each other Al and Joey sprayed me down with a disinfectant administered via firehose which burned exactly like fire but succeeded in healing all my cuts and scrapes with the added benefit of giving me what amounted to a screaming sunburn. I’m hoping that’s gonna turn into a tan.

I realize I likely sound a bit ungrateful for what was certainly a once in a lifetime experience.

I am.

Perhaps I would be less annoyed if not for the fact that my abducting agents simply handed me a folded note before the beam picked me back up and sent me home the way I came.

I resisted the urge to open the note right away, choosing instead to share this moment with you, Tecumseh, because I care about you. I care about you so much that when I have news to share with you I do not come into your bedroom and drag you uncomfortably and unnecessarily all over town only to hand you a note like we’re in third grade and you’re my not so secret crush. So, here’s the note:

Please warn people to avoid the secret parking lot of the secret mcdonald’s for the next few days as we’re setting up a sting operation to take down the Deer Whisperer, the Akaname and the talking fish smugglers all in one fell swoop. We’re trying to get all cryptid activity under control in time for your Not Really Radio live event on April 30 at 7pm at Covenant Church. PS, we’re sure we don’t need to tell you this, but please don’t share these details with your listeners as it will effectively ruin the entire operation.

Well.

That’s disappointing.

This is Vox and you’ve been listening to Not Really Radio.

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