NRR 5 - FBCI

Benny's Grab Bag

What’s up humans? Here I am again, making my way into your minds and hearts, but in a good way, not in a creepy way. Unlike those weirdos who have been driving around in their black, non-descript government vehicles. I’m Vox and you’re listening to Not Really Radio

Who are these guys in the black vehicles? Well, if you have to ask, it’s probably not safe for you to know. Which is exactly why you have a friend like me who answers the questions on your mind without you having to ask them out loud, thereby saving you from incriminating yourself with Alexa’s ubiquitous attention. Just another service provided for free by yours truly.

You’ve heard of the FBI, right? The Federal Bureau of Investigation? Also known as G-men, Feds, Suits and Fox Mulder. These black vehicle guys are not those guys, well, except maybe Fox Mulder. These agents belong to a super clandestine agency offshoot of the FBI known as the FBCI, which stands for the Federal Bureau of Cryptid Investigation.

The FBCI has no presence in the American consciousness. You can’t even find them online. Yet these quiet heroes spend their days protecting our nation from the constant threat of a host of various cryptids.

While we’re enjoying a venti peppermint mocha from the Busch’s plaza starbucks, they are investigating the Deer Whisperer, a looming threat in our fair city that you’ll learn more about in future broadcasts.

While we’re stopping at the Mobile station next to Doll n’ Burgers to fill up on gas and snacks, they’re putting a stop to a rash of dumpster tippers seeking to sew chaos and filth in our small town lives.

The FBCI handles cryptid activity, both threatening and innocuous on a daily basis. Activities that range from moving the Loch Ness monster to Lake Champlain to stopping the thirty seventh attempted rampage of the Van Meter Monster in the last three months to monitoring the activity of locally tolerated cryptids who are considered more general nuisance than threat.

As is clear from this broadcaster’s report, the FBCI have a job that is high stress and low reward, so next time you see a black non-descript government vehicle parked outside your home, take a moment to be grateful for their presence, and whatever you do, don’t check the bushes. Odds are you don’t want to see the threat they’re protecting you from.

Until tomorrow, this is the voice of Not Really Radio reminding you, it’s all pretend or is it?

The Voice of Not Really Radio is brought to you by the Not Really Radio event, an evening of comedy and music you are invited to free of charge on Saturday, April 30th at 7pm at Covenant Church located at 5290 Milwaukee Rd, Tecumseh MI. Any news heard on this program is almost completely made up and virtually none of is can be trusted as far as you know. There definitely is not a man in my studio wearing a black suit holding a cue card with these words written on it.

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