RESCUER SYNDROME - HOW TO RECOGNISE THE SIGNS, to 'OWN' YOUR RESCUE FANTASIES - AND LET THEM GO!

CAOS

We can all get drawn into trying to 'fix' people who have a difficulty of some kind. The problem with rescuing people in this way is that we do it out of an assumption that they are not capable of fixing things for themselves and so we try to 'take over' the problem for them and give them our fix.

There are many unfortunate consequences of doing this both for ourselves and for the other person, not least that we become caught up in something we have no control over and experience a lot of stress and frustration as a consequence. Stress and frustration brought upon ourselves by over-identification with another person's life situation - as if we are trying to live their life as well as our own. This can also become very difficult for the person we think we are 'helping'. It can prevent them from recognising their own capacities and power in their situation, it can feel very intrusive in ways that they may feel are unpleasant and it can lead to a breakdown in the relationship between ourselves and the other person because we become frustrated and dismissive towards them when they don't accept our 'fix' and 'great ideas'.

This podcast, taken from a video available on the Communication and Conflict YouTube channel, goes through some of the many ways that rescuer syndrome can show up in our relationships whether in a personal or professional situation so that we can recognise it in ourselves and seek to lessen our rescuing and help our colleague or friend in difficulty to create their own answers to their situation.

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict, and training people to work in such situations during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach, trainer in these skills and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

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Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

If you are based in the UK and would like to train to be a Mediator or Conflict Coach, contact Alan via this link for more information.

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: