Navigating an Abusive Court System with an Abusive Spouse

Divorce Matters

Join legal experts Lisa Johnson and Chris Barry in this episode as they discuss the abusive nature of family court systems. With firsthand experience dealing with clients across the world, they share their perspectives on the corruption and cronyism within the industry that leads to extreme cases of high-conflict divorce. Tune in to learn about the challenges faced by good parents and the problems with the current court system that prioritizes money over the well-being of children.

So let's jump right in now, though. Lisa, you were in Connecticut. Is that correct? Is that the court system that you're in? And then Chris, where were you? New York only? Okay, so you guys have got a northeast perspective, which isn't too far off from California.

I think they share a lot of things. Whereas other parts of the country can be quite different actually. Yeah, but I would. I would agree that the family court system is quite abusive, I actually think they encourage it. And I'm not talking everybody everyone knows I have an asterisk next to most things I say, because I've met some good judges. But they're the exception, not the rule. But I feel like most courts are have been developed. A family courts have been developed to encourage this type of behavior because their friends get richer off of it. And again, not every judge but I feel like most of the stuff could be shut down very quickly. And most of these things can be resolved in a room or in two or three days. But they're not but because of all the money involved. So either one of you chime in where am i right? Or am I wrong? Okay, well, we have this weekly legal abuse support group, we meet on Sundays for about an hour and a half over zoom with clients from all over the world, different laws, same issues, everywhere that we know of that speaks English, where we have clients. And we say that divorce is a tremendous money making industry. And that it's not just you and your difficult ex, but they're actively participating in keeping these things going these high conflict cases and everybody benefits, except you and your children. And so, Chris, why do you think that is? Do you think these people are truly evil? Do you think like, they're just trying to attract money? Or the pirates? What are they? So I think, I think maybe calling them evil is a little bit of a stretch, maybe? Certainly, there are some evil ones out there. But I think so there's a couple of different contributing factors. One is, there's ignorance, right, because most people enter the court system in a divorce, they're angry, there's a reason they never got married, thinking we're when we get divorced, this is how it will be they don't intend to get divorced. So something happened and it got bad enough that they ended the relationship. And sometimes, you know, if their kids involved, they really really didn't want to end it. But it got so bad that they had to so people start off angry. But usually, you know, after a year or nine months, year, year and a half, most rational people calm down. So when what the case is, at least I deal with, there's something going on with our clients, former former partner, where you know, it's a like a mental health issue, whether it's narcissism or borderline, you know, we're not psychologists, we're not qualified to, to diagnose anyone, we look at the behaviors. And it's amazing how consistent the behaviors are, you know, we don't need a label, we look at the behaviors. So that's, that's the biggest factor in the ones that we deal with, we deal with the 5% were that people never the other spouse never comes down. Their anger never subsides, they act irrationally, they spend way more, you know, at least we'll talk about her case, but they spend way more on attorneys fees than if they just reached a reasonable settlement to begin with. So that's that's one. That's the biggest one for us. That the courts don't understand that stuff. It doesn't always take two to tango. Let me challenge you on something. What do you mean, the courts don't understand that you don't think they understand what's going on? They don't they look at these high conflict, generally speaking, okay. You know, not in every case. But generally speaking, they look at when two people are fighting, they can't settle. That it's both their fault. They're both the you know, the term is mutual combat. Yeah. You know, or takes two to tango is another thing that people say all the time. They're not sophistic judges, you're so overloaded with it with cases, they just want you out of their your business transaction to them. Right, so why won't you settle and they get angry at both parties, without having the time or the expertise to like dig deep into what's going on. Also, you know, the toxic personalities, which I know this isn't about toxic personalities. But those people there, they're really, really persuasive. They're manipulative, they've been practicing it for really their entire adult lives. So they go in there and they spin these fantastic lies, and distractions, all kinds of stuff. The other issue though, is because I know I'm going on with this response. A big part of it also, is this sort of this cronyism system that's grown up around divorce. So whether it be parenting, you know, custody evaluators, parenting coordinators, guardian ad litem, or as we call them in, in New York attorneys for the children.

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