042. Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should

For The Worldbuilders

There’s a consistent theme I’m noticing on the other side of my season of surrender. When I’m not being particularly nice to myself I’ll notice myself get frustrated with my capacity. Trying to figure out why I’m not able to lock in like I use to, put in the same amount of hours as I used to, produce as much or as quickly as I used to — both inside my job (stewarding Seeda School) and my art practice (writing science fiction in the bathtub). When inside this frustration, I have to remind myself, before my season of surrender, I was operating in complete misalignment with my desire and the pace of my body. The fuel that was charging me was external validation so I was operating in self-sacrificing ways. Exerting domination over my creative spirit and body — it’s no wonder I was more productive. I was constantly dissociating and ignoring my needs, working through meals and feasting on praise instead.

Resources:

• Download the ⁠Creative Offer Questionnaire to Oneself⁠
• Subscribe to ⁠Seeda School Substack⁠ for weekly podcast releases straight into your inbox
• Follow Ayana on Instagram: ⁠@ayzaco⁠
• Follow Seeda School on Instagram: ⁠@seedaschool⁠
• Revisit Newsletter & Podcast: Season of Surrender
• Letters to the Future: Black WOMEN/Radical WRITING, edited by Erica Hunt and Dawn Lundy Martin
• The Wild Beyond: With and For the Undercommons by Jack Halberstam
• Cykofa: The Seeda Origin Story by Ayana Zaire Cotton
• Cover Art: R.S.V.P. sculptures activated by Senga Nengudi and Maren Hassinger in “Performance Piece—Nylon Mesh and Maren Hassinger,” (1977) (Photo by Harmon Outlaw, Pearl C. Wood Gallery, Los Angeles. Courtesy RedLine Gallery.)(Source: Hyperallergic)