251: Giving Back Insights #89 — Brothers with Rob Lowe

Giving Back Podcast

Welcome to the 89th episode of Giving Back Insights, my Thursday solo show where I talk about how our guests and their charities serve others, to explore actions each of can take to make a difference in people’s lives and to share. Today I’m discussing my reunite with my brother. Listen to today’s episode and don’t forget to give your feedback and valuable comment. Enjoy!

Key Takeaways:

A few months ago I was at the Tuesday meeting of Downtown Streets Team, soaking up the success stories of our unsheltered neighbors making progress in their lives and listening to members share the love with their fellow team members to keep hope alive. These “revivals without religion” as Joan from Dolby calls them are a source of inspiration and strength for me, a reminder of how much I have and how much a hand up, rather than a handout, can do.

This is where I heard two members from an organization called Miracle Messages. This group has a simple and powerful mission: Help your neighbors experiencing homelessness reunite with their families and friends. Kevin Adler and Nancy Erhard from Miracle Messages were guests and shared some powerful stories of impact:

Giving Back Podcast: Miracle Messages

I was paying special attention to Miracle Messages for a personal reason. I hadn’t seen my older brother Tom for 18 years. For a variety of reasons and confounding factors, he removed himself from our entire family, nuclear and extended. I had no idea where he was, although earlier searches had pointed to areas around the Bay Area.

Handsome, smart and athletic, Tom was as All-American as it gets. A three-sport athlete and charming, he also took classes at UC Berkeley while in high school. Women wanted to be with him, men wanted to BE him. I know I certainly did. 8 years his junior, I would spend my summers watching him play basketball with his friends and trying to impress him.

His life took a major turn when he was in a bad car accident during his junior year in high school. Competitive sports was now out, and he took to working after school. He graduated on time, went to college and then dropped out. He was used to the money and put his energy into work instead of his education.

More importantly, I think, is that he’d gone from exceptional to “merely” special. He was used to the spotlight and it frustrated him that the ease of his former life was gone. He went through a series of jobs that he was great at, but left each because he wasn’t moving up fast enough, not receiving the recognition he thought he’d earned.

Along the way, he also had arguments with family and friends. Quick-witted and quick-tempered, major blowouts were not uncommon. Armed with a sense of righteousness as well as a black belt in karate, he could be a particularly fearsome opponent. Even worse when he was feeling frustrated and lashing out.

But even as a child, I could see that his anger masked the goodness that he had in his heart. He was generous and funny and always wanted to help. In fact, looking back, I can see that his frustration with many jobs was that he DID go above and beyond but felt disrespect when his expectations, expressed or not, went unfulfilled. All of us want to know that our lives have meaning and that our work has value. And I think all of know how frustrating it feels when our needs go unfulfilled and we don’t have the language or guidance to know how to ask for what we want. I know I do, and on many occasions both personal and professional.

Tom was struggling during those years when I was in high school and then to college. Emotionally as well as financially. He was looking for his new identity, a sense of self and purpose. Struggling to move on to a new chapter. And when our father died, he had the hardest time of all of us.

He and our father had a special relationship. The first son after two daughters, our father finally had a boy to take fishing and camping and horse around with in a way he couldn’t with my sisters. They spent so much time together. I remember seeing photos of them when I was little and wondering why Dad and I didn’t do the same things. Not jealous of Tom, just a little sad.

So he got more and more distant after Dad died, moving from occasional visits to occasional calls until one Christmas was the last we heard from him. And it’d been years until earlier in 2018 when Nancy from Miracle Messages got involved. She connected with Tom and left him a couple of messages. I waited with high hopes, and after a few months of not hearing from him, I asked Nancy to contact Tom again. Nothing.

I decided that I’d waited long enough and called him. Have you ever seen that TV show “Name That Tune” where contestants bid down the number of notes they need in order to, well, name that tune. One word was all I needed to know it was Tom when he picked up the phone. He was talking to me before I was even born and “hello” was all it took to recognize him.

I spoke with Christina Noel from Arc Benders about how connecting with him after so long was a marker of who I’ve become and who I want to be. I wanted to tell him that I love him and I miss him, that it’s okay to be nervous or scared, and that no matter what he chooses to do, I’m here for him. I got to tell him that, and I meant it. I meant it with all my heart. Like Celeste Fremon says about Father G from Home Boy Industries, “It was never his job to save them. It was his job to love them.” I just want to love him. I’m in that space and I am at my best living there. That’s how I can serve Tom.

I got to meet up with Tom a few days later. It was great to see him and hear him and hug him. Feeling his love and pouring back into him was a gift I’ll always hang on to. No matter what the future holds for us, he knows that whatever he chooses, he is loved.

I am eternally grateful to my Dad who showed me what unconditional love looks like. Thankfully, I was open to receiving that gift before he died. I am also so thankful that the Universe brought Bill Verity into my life by way of the remarkable Midori Verity. We talked about Miracle Messages and hopefully re-connecting with Tom. Bill was kind enough to share his own story of family challenges and encouraged me in just the right way to reach out to Tom if he didn’t call.

Remember: Always err on the side of love & kindness.

Love & Gratitude,

Rob

Facebook Live:

https://www.facebook.com/rob.lowe.50999405/videos/426167404453946

Mentioned in This Episode:

Giving Back Podcast

Downtown Streets Team

Miracle Messages

Home Boy Industries

Arc Benders

Giving Back Podcast: Miracle Messages