[PODCAST 245]: 5 Shifts that Improved My Life and Calmed My Anxiety

Learn | Do | Become

Would you like to have more energy, joy, and a greater sense of “lift” to each day—instead of feeling worn down and stressed out? That’s what I’m covering today!

I used to feel pretty tense and at least slightly anxious all the time. It was like I was on guard—ready for someone to come punch me in the stomach—even though there really wasn’t anything threatening that I could articulate. It was just my mode of operation. Eric even lovingly said one time, “April, even if there’s nothing to be stressed about, you’ll FIND something to be stressed about.”

It’s certainly been a process, but I don’t feel that tension at all right now—and I haven’t felt it in months—and I want to explain 5 Mental Shifts that were incredibly helpful.

#1: I decided I wanted to go back to my 20s.

I know that probably sounds crazy, but there’s an amazing Harvard researcher named Ellen Langer who performed these “Counterclockwise” studies.Two groups of elderly individuals in their 70s and 80s gathered at a retreat for a period of time—and everything there took them back to the past. The newspapers, magazines, music, activities—everything about their environment would make them think they were younger, and there was a rule that they had to speak about all of those historical events in the present tense, as though they were happening right then. At the end of the study, their vision, hearing, memory, and strength had improved—and they looked younger.

Well, when I heard that, I thought, “I want to be in my 20s, too!” So I found a couple photos from college when I felt most youthful and energetic, and I added them to my “Daily Reminders” List. Eric and I then went through the top hits from the years we met and got married and created a “20 Again” playlist on Spotify. I also started a new health program that eliminated a bunch of issues I was having, so my energy continued to go way up. It’s amazing what a difference it’s made!

#2: I chose to crave adventure.

I was listening to a presentation by an author named Joe Dispenza, where he mentioned that many people don’t like “the unknown.” They want to have control, and they want to be able to predict what is coming their way, so they hold onto as many “knowns” as possible.

As soon as he said that, I immediately thought about myself—and how I didn’t like traveling or going through the day without a plan because everything felt so out of my control.

Wanting to be less worried about controlling my environment and more open to opportunities that were most likely passing me by, I decided to adopt the motto, “Crave Adventure.”

Then, for example, in the morning, when I would wake up and feel a little nervous about the day, I would say, “I crave adventure!”

We even had this funny experience while our family was traveling. There was a little zip line in this beautiful forest we were driving through, and I asked our children if they wanted to do it. A couple of them did—and then they asked if I wanted to, as well. At first, I thought, “No—it might be too scary for me.” But then I realized, “Hey wait! I think this could be fun!” And here’s a little snippet from that day.

That phrase helped, but there was one more level I needed to go in my subconscious. The reason why I like being in control is because I feel safer—like I am avoiding threats that might be out there. So then I decided that God would protect me from whatever might come at me—and even if something bad happened, I would be able to grow from it. So the second level (after I said, “I crave adventure!”) was, “I’m excited to see how God is going to come through for me today.” That thought has been a game changer because I have always felt supported by God, and this helped me feel curious and full of faith for the day ahead.

#3: I started making a daily shift from fear to gratitude.

Have you ever heard that you can’t feel fearful and grateful at the same time? Try it—think of the scariest thing in your life, and then also think of your biggest blessings. it just doesn’t work to feel the competing emotions simultaneously. So I started catching myself whenever I started to feel fearful, and I would shift as soon as possible to thinking of something for which I was grateful.

I pictured the fire swamp from The Princess Bride while I did this. Have you seen that movie? Wesley and Buttercup are trying to escape the fire swamp, and these huge plumes of fire keep popping up all over the place. But then Wesley discovers there’s a clicking sound before each burst of flame, so he can swing Buttercup around and avoid the fire—as long as he listens to the clicking.

So whenever I started to feel fearful, I would think, “Click, click, click!” And then I would shift to gratitude, and nothing ever caught on fire.

This might sound funny, but the more I practiced, the easier this became, and now I rarely feel fearful at all.

#4: I dug deep to find any foundational beliefs that weren’t serving me.

Several years ago, when I was very new at business, but LearnDoBecome was beginning to take off and became the full-time employment for me and Eric, I started working with a business coach. During one of our meetings, she said, “I was telling my husband about you the other night. I said, ‘April has the numbers, but she doesn’t know anything about business.’”

Now, I’m not 100% sure what inspired her to tell me that or what she was hoping it would do for me, but I held back tears during that entire call and let her words sink in that “April doesn’t know anything about business.”

I didn’t even realize how much that affected me, but 5+ years later, I found I was signing up for business programs I didn’t even like and letting other people call the shots when it came to how things were to run at LearnDoBecome. Why? Because obviously I couldn’t make those decisions. I didn’t know anything about business.

Well, I finally got to the point where I realized she didn’t know what she was talking about. It’s true that I don’t know EVERYTHING about business, but I have been able to serve this community at LearnDoBecome for nearly 10 years. And it just isn’t true that I don’t know “anything.” Eric didn’t know how deeply this had been embedded in my beliefs, so we had some great conversations, and I have eliminated that from my identity.

It wasn’t easy for me, and it took some digging, but maybe you might have beliefs deep inside, as well? Maybe that you’re not an organized person—or that you’re a “hot mess”—or that you can’t be counted on. I invite you to change those.

#5: I learned that if I feel guilty taking care of myself, I’m probably doing something right.

This came from Dr. Gabor Mate—an incredible doctor, author, and speaker. He has tons of videos online where he teaches how the mind and body are connected, and he shares healthy perspectives that have helped me become less of a people pleaser.

There have been so many times in the past where I have needed to take a break—or I wanted to slow a project down—or I needed more quiet, but I just kept going because I felt everyone needed me.

Dr. Mate notes that often those who are most selfless are those who end up with chronic illness, and if we feel guilty as we do something to take care of ourselves, we’re probably doing something right.

Not that I needed permission, but that gave me the incentive to actually sit down and rest, not to feel guilty taking my hotel nights, where I check into a local hotel for 24 hours and just sleep, read, think, and do work that matters to me, and not to push myself beyond what feels healthy just to get one more thing done. Yes, I’ll sacrifice when it makes sense—I love my family, friends, and neighbors, and sometimes it’s okay if I’m a little stretched, but that is no longer my default because it isn’t sustainable, and I want to be around for many more years.

I hope that these ideas are helpful for you. Maybe you might want to be 20 again, or maybe you might want to crave adventure or learn to make that shift from fear to gratitude. Maybe there are some beliefs you could toss out—and maybe more frequent self-care might be just what you need right now.

I share this because if all I talk about on this podcast is being more “productive,” I’m doing a disservice. There’s no award for who dies with the cleanest house. There’s no requirement to carry around false beliefs. There’s no good reason I’ve found for deliberately choosing a life of fear, pain, or resentment. And I hope that as we improve our own lives, we can each reach back and improve the lives of those who are following us.

There’s this beautiful painting called “Ascent” that hangs right at the base of our stairway. Every time I climb the stairs, I think about how it’s a privilege to help those who are coming next. I’ve certainly benefited from the amazing people out there who have shared their knowledge, and I am grateful you are here as part of this LearnDoBecome community!

Related Links!

Ellen Langer’s Book The Mindful Body

Joe Dispenza’s Book Evolve Your Brain

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