Debunking "Don't go to bed angry" | What I Wish I Knew Pt 1

Marriage Lab

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Aaron and Jenna begin a series titled "What I wish I knew" sharing what they wish they'd learned early in marriage. This first part dives into the topic of "urgency." Most conflicts in the early stages of relationships feel urgent. They become very high stakes when they don't need to be. Why? Because it's possible to be connected even when there is no resolution to the problem.
This brings us to the scripture from Ephesians 4:26 "...Do not let the sun go down on your anger..." or more commonly stated, "Don't go to bed angry." This scripture has been used as fuel for the sense of urgency, causing many couples to stay up well into the night attempting to hash out their problems. And yet, we're well aware that two sleepy, dysregulated people are not effective communicators.
You might ask, "Are you saying that we should go ahead and go to bed angry?"
We're saying that going to bed without a solution is not the same thing as going to bed angry. We believe that that scripture is more about not letting resentment and bitterness continue to fester, than it is about feeling an emotion at a certain time of day.
It's possible to go to bed not having a solution and to be connected at the same time. Being connected is what pushes out bitterness and resentment and it's not synonymous with having resolution in conflict.

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