MFP 264: Dealing with Toxic Parents as an Adult

Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Boundaries are not meant to keep people out, but to set a clear understanding of what is acceptable and what is not within our relationships

At a few of our events, we have gotten questions from older parents who ask what to do about adult children who have cut them out of their lives. At first we were surprised by this question, since the parents who attend our events are usually not ax-murderers or reprobates. But then we realized that this seems to be a disturbing trend in our culture - young people who find fault with their parents and therefore choose to disown them. Because we serve parents, we wanted to give a different take on the “wisdom of the world” and challenge our listeners to set boundaries and be healthy, but in a way that still honors the commandment that God gave us to honor your mother and father. Yes, some of us have grown up in dysfunctional homes, but that does not mean that our families of origin should still have power over us. Listen in as we help color in some gray to a discussion that is far from black and white.

Key Takeaways:

• No one should have the right to “push our buttons”. We need to be free in our relationships even when people are unhealthy.

• Boundaries are good things to keep our families peaceful.

• You can’t replace your family - for good or for bad, they belong to you and you belong to them.

• One of the Ten Commandments is to honor your father and mother. This is God’s idea, not ours and it needs to be taken very seriously

Couple Discussion:

• How can we honor our father and mother appropriately?

• How would we want our children to treat us someday?

• What are good boundaries for our holiday visits with family?

Resources

• Dennis Prager Video: https://www.prageru.com/video/your-parents-dont-deserve-this?utm_source=Iterable&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=campaign_8266139

• Great article from Catholic Psych - https://www.catholicpsych.com/blog/a-catholic-approach-to-dealing-with-difficult-relationships

Forgiveness- Shalom series https://www.shalomworld.org/episode/forgiveness-in-the-family-susan-and-urby-potvin