Ep 100 Centennial Celebration

Midlife Mixtape

“In the blink of an eye”: In this Very Special Episode that is also All In The Family, Midlife Mixtape Podcast creator and host Nancy Davis Kho answers listeners’ questions about podcasting, music, and midlife.

• Nancy’s website www.DavisKho.com
• We Sow We Grow – get your Dirty By Nature tshirt here, and listen to Ep 64 with We Sow We Grow founder/Urban farmer Natasha Nicholes here
• Ep 90 – Reconciliation Activist J. Christopher Collins, on “moving the ball down the field”
• Ep 91 – “Share Your Stuff” author Laura Tremaine, with tips for incorporating more reading into your life

Book recommendations:

• Caste by Isabel Wilkerson
• The Other Bennet Sister by Janice Hadlow
• Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

M. The Heir Apparent aka Kyle Terrizzi – the songwriter whose “Be Free” is our theme song. Please stream/support this wonderful musician!

Lucy’s summer song recommendation – Jelani Aryeh

P.S. Here’s lil’ Arlo – don’t worry, I took this bed back to the store and got him one that fits

***This is a rough transcription of Episode 100 of the Midlife Mixtape Podcast. It originally aired on June 22, 2021. Transcripts are created using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and there may be errors in this transcription, but we hope that it provides helpful insight into the conversation. If you have any questions or need clarification, please email [e-mail] ***

Nancy Davis Kho 00:00

I just want everybody to know that if there’s a time in your life where you’re feeling like things haven’t gone the way you thought they would, that you failed in some way that you’ve fallen short, just give it a little time.

Welcome to Midlife Mixtape, The Podcast. I’m Nancy Davis Kho and we’re here to talk about the years between being hip and breaking one.

[THEME MUSIC – “Be Free” by M. The Heir Apparent]

Nancy 00:37

Welcome to the 100 HUNDREDTH EPISODE of the Midlife Mixtape Podcast! I’m the host and creator of the show, Nancy Davis Kho, and I’m also the author of The Thank-You Project: Cultivating Happiness One Letter of Gratitude at a Time. I’m so glad you’re here with me today to celebrate!

Besides breaking through the triple digits with this episode, there are a couple of other significant milestones I’ve hit in May and June of 2021: 10 years of blogging at midlifemixtape.com. That’s right, back in 2011 I started posting short essays on the blog twice a week. Holy lord! That was a different time. I can’t imagine the stress of having to write two essays every week in 2021. You can still see all that writing if you dive down into the archive at MidlifeMixtape.com, but make sure you bring a flashlight and something to brush the cobwebs aside with.

This spring also marked 4 years of podcasting – the first episode of this show aired in May 2017.

Also as of May 2021, there are more than 200,000 downloads of all the episodes of the show, and it’s a number that keeps growing every day. I am so grateful to all of you who listen, subscribe, review, and recommend Midlife Mixtape to friends, and especially the ones who reach out to me to say that these conversations about living in The Years Between Being Hip and Breaking One mean something to you. It is super gratifying to know that this little endeavor I started on the side four years ago has been helpful or entertaining to you in some way.

For this episode, I decided to make YOU shoulder the workload with me! As you probably suspect, I spend a lot of time before every interview researching my guest and trying to figure out what the interview outline should be, what you guys might be interested in hearing about, and pulling the other questions and sub-questions and supporting research, which inevitably I throw aside as the conversation takes on a life of its own, but still, I do have to do that research question and outline, and I thought for the 100^th episode I’d make you do it.

So I invited listeners to submit questions – Ask Me Anything-style – and I’ve sweetened the deal by promising that everyone who sent in a question would be entered to win one of three prize packs:

• Pack 1: a bundle of books from past guests, including but not limited to The Chicken Sisters by KJ Dell Antonia, Why We Can’t Sleep by Ada Calhoun, and I Miss You When I Blink by Mary Laura Philpott.
• Pack 2: a bundle of my favorite music-themed books. You know I loved my music memoirs. This one includes, but is not limited to All I Ever Wanted by Kathy Valentine of the Go-Go’s who is soon headed into the rock and roll hall of fame. Long overdue. Woo-hoo! Go Kathy! Good Booty by Ann Powers is in there, and On Bowie by my favorite all time music writer, Rob Sheffield.
• Pack 3: a Thank-You Project This is going to be a signed copy of my book, plus some stuff from Oakland that I’m going to send in there to you.

So I guess everybody needs some books for their bookshelves because people were sending in questions and it was awesome.

Here’s the deal. I organized your questions into three general categories, but I tried not to ponder the answers too much in advance because I do give my guests a little bit of an interview outline, but I tell them not to think about it too much. If my guests can’t prepare, why should I get away with it? So we’re going to do the three big topics today: questions came in about podcasting, about music, and about midlife.

At the end of the episode, I’m going to announce who won those three book packs, and I’m also going to share some personal news that I’m thrilled about. If you follow Midlife Mixtape on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook, you already know this. But if you don’t, do I have good news for you.

Anyway, hit rewind all the way to the start of the cassette tape, you guys, because here we go with episode 100.

Nancy 04:25

The first set of questions that came in were about the how, what and why of podcasting. The very first question came in from Laurie White asking “What podcasting tools do I absolutely need to get started?”

This is the third time I’m recording the response to that question, because the first two times, as I rounded the 20 minute mark of Nancy just talking about every tool she uses, I realized: that’s boring as hell. So I am going to keep it super-duper short.

You don’t need much to start podcasting. You need a computer. You need a microphone, and you need headphones. Beyond that, you need a podcast host, because you have to host those audio files somewhere. You probably want editing software, because you probably want to clean up what you’ve recorded before you put it out into the world.

Then there’s one more thing that you need, and that is time.

With all the work that I do around the podcast, I estimate that it’s somewhere between 7 and 10 hours per episode. So I think that’s the biggest thing. That’s what I tell people when they ask me, when they’re just getting started, is just make sure you want to continue the time commitment, because the last thing you want to do is start and then just fade off into nothingness because you’re burnt out.

Otherwise, it’s really simple: computer, mic, headphones, podcast host, editing software, and time. Thank you for that question, Laurie.

Annie Zaleski sent in a question now. Annie is the author of the book about Duran Duran’s Rio album in the 33 1/3 series. By the way, that book is going into the prize pack for the music book winner. Annie said, “What have you learned about yourself from doing the podcast?”

I think the biggest thing I have learned, or at least reminded myself, is that I’m pretty good at learning technology.

I credit this to the fact that my first job was as an IT consultant, and all I knew at that point was how to turn a computer on and off. I knew where the computer center was on campus. That was about it. I got to that job, and literally on the first day, they sat me down with a stack of manuals and said, “Learn these.”

It gave me this trial by fire in my early 20s that if you just click around, read the books, and I mean, of course now there’s videos, you can find a video answer for everything, you can figure it out without breaking the computer. I can’t think of a single time where I’ve actually made my computer die. I have lost files, I have had to recreate things that I screwed up. But nothing is fatal. I think that’s a really useful thing to keep reminding yourself as you get older: just keep trying. Technology is not just the purview of the younger set.

Now, there’s technology I don’t like. I never did pick up Snapchat, and I don’t really want to be on Clubhouse, but that’s just a personal preference. I know I could learn it if I wanted to. So it’s been helpful for that reminder at midlife that I’m still pretty good at learning technology, because there’s a lot of it that goes into making a podcast.

Cindy Wilbur asked, “Who is your favorite guest so far, and why?” Cindy, they’re all my favorite. I can’t make a choice like that, come on!

Actually, the real answer is my favorite guest is always the one that I have recorded and you have not heard yet. I always have this week or two in between launching one episode and getting the next one ready, where I’m thinking, “Oh my gosh! They’re going to love this one so much. The person had such interesting things to say, and I can’t wait to get the response from people who have listened to this.”

So I think that’s probably a good sign I should keep podcasting, because I’m always so excited about what you guys are going to get to hear next. That also goes for Episode 101, because I recorded that interview yesterday, and I learned some things. I think you will too. Thank you, Cindy, for the question.

I got a question in from Lizzie, who says, “I’m sure you’ve learned a lot from many different guests. I’d love to hear some of their favorite things about getting older.” She says, “Yeah, with age comes wisdom. But what else?” Well, it so happens Lizzie that after 100 episodes, I actually took the time to put together 10 things that I have learned from guests. Don’t worry, I’m not going to hit you with all 10 of them. But there were three themes that emerge enough times that I think these are kind of top takeaways, if you listen to all the episodes of the show.

The first is that you can always make a change. It’s never too late to try something new. You’re never too old, you’re never too young. I have had so many guests who start off in one direction in their lives and suddenly get pulled in a different direction for various reasons, and they realize that that is a really important thing that they’re being called to do, and that they’re good at.

I mean, in Episode 99, if you listened to Michelle Fishburne, I think if you had told her at the beginning of 2020 that she was going to be an oral historian with a book coming out by the end of 2021, she never would have believed you. But she loves it and it’s a new passion. She was in her 50s when she did that. I started a podcast in my 50s. You can always make a change.

The second lesson that comes through a lot is that we have to let go of perfectionism and just get started. You have to be comfortable with being terrible at things for a little while until you get better, and that takes a little bit of bravery. I know because we all want to be perfect at what we do. But you’re just not going to get better if you don’t start somewhere. So letting go of perfectionism has been a big lesson for a lot of the people who have come on the show.

The third thing – and this one is my takeaway – is that your voice deserves to be heard. That everybody has a story to tell and a talent to share, whoever you are, and I want everybody who’s listening to take that to heart. You’re here for a reason. You’ve got gifts to give. You have the right to be heard. You have the right to share your story, whatever that looks like for you. I just think we tend to hide our light under a bushel way too much. I’m always excited when I see friends of mine who are connected with a purpose and out there doing activism or creative work, or just doing great at their job. You’re here for a reason. False humility has no place in midlife. That’s what I think. So those are just three of them.

The reason I put together that list is because I have thought maybe that could be my next book. Maybe that’s what I should be writing about next. What do you guys think? Is anybody interested? Would you read that?

The next question is from Liz McGuire. She said, “What lessons have you learned from a podcast guest that you still think about regularly?” I’ve obviously learned a lot. But one that I have been thinking about a lot lately came in Episode 90, when I interviewed reconciliation activist J. Christopher Collins. He has written this really cool book called, Mending Our Union: Healing Our Communities Through Courageous Conversations. One of the things that he talks about in the book, and he and I spoke about in the interview, was that you can’t solve all the big problems of the world, but your job is to move the ball down the field.

To me, that means not allowing myself to get overwhelmed by the scope of the really hard problems we have all around us. But just looking around and saying, “Okay, what can I do today? What is the thing that I can do myself, that I can exert a little power over, to improve any one of those problems by any measure?” If we all just focus on what we have control over, what we can actually exert some power over, we’re doing our bit to move the ball down the field.

I know that it’s so easy to feel overwhelmed in 2021 by any number of things. For me, this just helps me remember, okay, it’s not my job to solve everything. I’m just responsible for what I’m able to control. So move the ball down the field from J. Christopher Collins, and I’ll link to that interview, because I thought that was inspiring.

The last question… actually, Liz had a second question. It’s the same one that Christin Rice sent in, and that is:, “What has surprised you the most about podcasting?”

I would say, first of all, that four years has passed already. I cannot believe it’s already been four years. It’s like the blink of an eye.

The second thing is that I have a published book.

When I started this show in 2017, I had at that point two books that I had written over the course of nine years that had not gotten published, and I was pretty down about that. I’d put a lot of time and effort and work into those, and they just didn’t find the right publisher.

I looked at the idea of starting a podcast as, “Maybe this is what I do. Maybe I’m not meant to have a published book, but at least I can do something creative: I’ll do a podcast.” Well, a year and a half later, when I started shopping around a book proposal for The Thank-You Project, one of the reasons that I caught the eye of agents and publishers is because I had a podcast. They knew that I would use it to promote the book. They knew that there were folks who were interested in what I might have to say, and that I am 100% sure is why I ended up getting a book deal, why the Thank-You Project is available today.

I just want everybody to know that if there’s a time in your life where you’re feeling like things haven’t gone the way you thought they would, that you failed in some way, that you’ve fallen short: just give it a little time.

[MUSIC]

Nancy 13:20

So I’m already kind of sick of the sound of my own voice and I thought, how could I make this episode more interesting? I know! I could bring in a special guest questioner. I would like to introduce you all to my daughter Maddy, who’s here with us for the first time today on Midlife Mixtape. Welcome to the show, Maddy.

Maddy 13:37

Hi, thanks for having me. I’m excited to be here.

Nancy 13:40

You’re way too young for this, honey. But you know I’m going to ask you this question that we ask everybody who sets foot into the Midlife Mixtape Podcast: What was your first concert, and what were the circumstances?

Maddy 13:52

I’m ready for this. My first concert was Crowded House. We actually went together, if you recall. You screwed me up for life because we were first row at Crowded House and they gave me water from the stage, and we got a backstage pass. I think we got a poster. I feel like it was maybe signed. So every concert I’ve been to since then has just been not as good.

Nancy 14:15

A total disappointment. Something else to talk to your therapist about. That was actually some of the best mothering I think I ever did in my life.

Maddy 14:22

Yeah, I was very nervous, but it went great. It was really fun.

Nancy 14:26

Alright. Well, Maddy, thank you for coming on the show to read me the music-related questions sent in by listeners. You’re going to ask them and I’m going to try to rapid fire the answers and not overthink them.

Maddy 14:36

Okay. Sounds like a good plan.

Nancy 14:38

Is there anything else you want to say to the listening audience? I don’t mean to cut you off. Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Maddy 14:42

Thanks for listening to my mom’s podcast. I agree, I think it’s a good podcast. And even though I was in the podcasting club at my elementary school, technically, you are my podcast debut.

Nancy 14:54

Oh, I forgot about that.

Maddy 14:55

I think I’m counting this as my podcast debut. So I’m excited to be here, and I have some great questions lined up.

Nancy 13:52

Alright. Let ‘er rip.

Maddy 15:03

Okay. Melisa asks, “If you could have musicians from three different genres over for dinner, who would you choose?”

Nancy 15:11

Prince, because I just want to meet him in my life. Patsy Cline, same. And Megan Thee Stallion. Then I would just sit back and be quiet and watch what happens.

Maddy 15:21

That was a great answer. I think we’re off to a great start here.

Let me move on to question number two. This one comes from Lance. He asked, “What’s the current pop song you actually find infectiously enjoyable and why is it Olivia Rodrigo, Good 4 You?”

Nancy 15:37

Maddy, do you like the song Good 4 You by Olivia Rodrigo?

Maddy 15:40

I think she’s iconic. Short answer: Yes, I think it’s a great song.

Nancy 15:44

Okay, but it’s not my favorite current pop song, Lance. That song would be Solar Power by Lorde. Why? Because two of my family members work in the solar industry. You’re listening to one of them. So that’s my song for summer 2021, Solar Power by Lorde. We love Lorde, don’t we, Maddy?

Maddy 16:03

We do. She’s everything.

Nancy 16:04

My husband does not like Lorde, and it’s a family debate.

Maddy 16:08

You can’t tell people that.

Nancy 16:11

I don’t know what’s wrong with him.

Maddy 16:13

It’s embarrassing for the whole family, honestly.

Nancy 16:14

On to the next question.

Maddy 16:15

Who are you most excited to see in concert next year?

Nancy 16:18

I would like to take the whole family to see Bruce Springsteen. I don’t know if he’s touring next year. But he’s one of those artists – I’ve had the opportunity to see him a few times along with my husband. But you and your sister have never seen Bruce play live, and I really want you to experience that.

So Bruce, please leave Broadway and go out on the road again, and I will travel…I probably won’t travel to New York with the four of us to see him. But I will go as far as Chicago to see a Bruce show in 2022 if that’s what it’s going to take, so you guys get to see him do one of his three-hour shows. And you both love Bruce.

Maddy 16:52

That’s a good answer. I will be there at that concert as well.

Nancy 16:57

You have always been available for a free concert ticket. I have noticed that about you.

Maddy 16:59

Yeah, it’s true. Okay. Carrie asked, if you were in a band, what would the name be?

Nancy 17:05

I think of band names all the time, and then I forget them immediately. I have no storage space in my brain for it. But I will say that back in the elementary school days, back when you were in podcasting club, two friends and I used to say that if we were in a band, it would be called the Moist Deluxe, which…it’s gross name. But yeah, the Moist Deluxe. I guess that would be my band name.

Maddy 17:25

Not an artist I would click on if I saw their name.

Next question from Natasha, “What song do you find yourself drawn to every time you need to center yourself?”

Nancy 17:35

I love that question. Also, I love Natasha and I want to give her a little shout out here because, you may recall, Natasha was on here talking about the urban farming initiative she runs called We Sow We Grow, and it’s all about supporting urban farmers, and she’s a master farmer. She’s super cool. I just noticed that she’s selling t shirts to support We Sow We Grow and they say, “Dirty by Nature” and I think it’s funny. So I’ll put a link to Natasha’s Foundation, We Sow We Grow and you can buy yourself a t shirt this summer.

The song that I find myself drawn to when I need to center myself… So that’s something that’s calming. I’m going to go with “Time to Run” by Lord Huron. And the reason I think that is the first song that pops to mind is because it’s got that Johnny Cash railroad beat, and it’s almost like it’s a nice, slow enough pace that my heart rate can slow down. I don’t know if there’s any kind of science out there that would say that your heartbeat acclimates to the music you’re listening to, but something about while Lord Huron in general, I just love. That song in particular, it just kind of helps me be in a level place.

Maddy 18:45

That’s funny. I was also thinking of the song that I listened to when I center myself and it’s definitely Lord Huron.

Nancy 18:50

What is it? Which one?

Maddy 18:51

I don’t know. That’s too much pressure. I can’t pick one.

Nancy 18:55

I didn’t mean to scare you. I apologize.

Maddy 18:57

That’s okay. I’m new to podcasting.

Nancy 19:00

No, you’re not. You’ve been doing this since second grade.

Maddy 19:01

It’s nerve racking. Okay.

Nancy 19:04

Hang in there. You’re almost done.

Maddy 19:07

Now, I have a two part question from Marcy, who asks, “What is your favorite 80s movie and which song from that movie really spoke to?”

Nancy 19:15

Do you know what my favorite 80s movie is, Maddy, because you gave it to me once for Christmas because I kept asking?

Maddy 19:20

Oh my God.

Nancy 19:21

It’s a movie with no songs. It’s called Gallipoli, and I love that movie. This was before we knew Mel Gibson was crazy. I love Gallipoli so much. I’ve probably seen it 15 times and yes, for Christmas one year that was my list. I said I want everybody to watch Gallipoli with me and they did. I don’t think it was everybody else’s favorite thing, but it certainly was mine.

I will say the best 80s soundtrack that I still would listen to and still recommend would be Pretty in Pink because that had some slamming, slamming songs: “Shellshock” by New Order, it had “Please, Please, Please” by the Smiths. So, if I’m gravitating towards an 80’s soundtrack it would be Pretty in Pink.

Thoughts? Did you love Gallipoli as much as I thought you would love Gallipoli? You did, right?

Next question.

Maddy 20:13

Make sure that there are no Gallipoli spoilers in this episode. It was a bunch of Australian men just, like, running around.

Nancy 20:19

What’s not to love? You just described my favorite movie ever.

Maddy 20:25

We have to keep moving. Next question came in from Margaret who asked, “What’s one song you’d never get tired of?

Nancy 20:31

“Baba O’Reilly”. Teenage Wasteland. Out Here in the Fields, Alfalfa Our Meals. You know what? When I’m on my deathbed, play that song to me. And if I don’t start playing air piano in the first few bars, go ahead and unplug me.

Maddy 20:46

Oh, wow.

Nancy 20:47

That’s it.

Maddy 20:48

I’ll make a note of that. So the next question is from Marie and she asked, “What band do you regret not seeing where they were together?”

Nancy 20:56

Beastie Boys.

Maddy 20:57

True.

Nancy 20:58

I had the chance and I kept thinking, “I’ll go next time.”

Maddy 21:02

Yeah, that sucks.

Nancy 21:03

Whenever you get a chance, go to the concert.

Maddy 21:07

That is a good life philosophy: you have to go to concerts when they’re happening, so that you never regret it. I could have seen Hozier in Dublin and I didn’t and that’s honestly going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

Nancy 21:19

Why didn’t you go?

Maddy 21:20

Oh, my God, because I was trying to be financially responsible. It’s upsetting to think about.

Nancy 21:26

Actually, in retrospect, your father and I thank you, but go on.

Maddy 21:29

I should have gone.

Nancy 21:30

Then we went to see you in Dublin, and Dad was convinced he saw Hozier in the street because he saw a tall Irish man. We can’t disabuse him of that. He really thinks he saw Hozier just walking around, as you do.

Maddy 21:43

I’ve heard about that one a couple times before.

The next question is from Lizzie who asked, “Have you ever been to a concert that was so disappointing that you had to leave?”

Nancy 21:53

Yes, St. Vincent. Strangely enough, because I really like St. Vincent’s albums. I like her music. I listened to her frequently, but I went to see her play at the Fox. Mad, do you remember my friend Judith Powell?

Maddy 22:09

Yeah. Hey, Judith.

Nancy 22:10

Hey Judith!

She and I went and I was super into the bill because tUnEyArDs was opening and St. Vincent was the headliner. So it was all female, woman empowerment, this is great. St. Vincent was really loud and thrashy, and Judith just looked at me about a third of the way in and she said, “If this was a guy, would you stay?” and I said, “Oh, hell no!” We stood up and walked out. So that was that. But maybe I just had her on an off night. I don’t know. I still like her music.

Maddy 22:37

I have a list of questions from Tami. They’re all really good questions. The first one is, “What was your funniest concert experience?”

Nancy 22:45

Oh my God, I love telling this story.

Okay, so picture this. It’s September 2016. My dad had died a month earlier. My friend Maria had had a little surgical procedure. She is like a bird on her best days. She’s just small. Maria and I love to go to concerts together, and I had bought tickets to The National many months before.

So we talked it over and I said, “I’m not really feeling it, because I’m so sad about Dad,” and she wasn’t really feeling it because she was still kind of post-surgery. We said, “You know what we’ll do? We’ll sit in this amphitheater…” This is the Greek in Berkeley. It’s as you would picture, a floor where people are standing for the show, and then there’s seating around a kind of a half circle in the amphitheater and we thought, “We’ll get seats near the top, we’ll just be mellow. We’ll just watch the show.”

Matt Berninger comes out – the lead singer – and it’s a B- show. It’s fine. He just is drinking out of a bottle of wine, straight from the neck of the bottle, getting trashed during the show. It wasn’t great. He sounded fine. There just wasn’t a lot happening.

UNTIL he wades out into the standing room crowd down in front of the stage. You see that all the time at the Greek, and we’re like, “Oh, that’s cool. He’s going down into the crowd.” What we noticed was there was a guy behind him as a mic wrangler, who had loops and loops and loops of mic cord over his shoulder. We thought, “Oh, I guess that guy’s going to just enable him as he goes through the crowds.”

So Matt is singing and he is just walking towards the back of the standing room crowd which you don’t see as often. We said, ‘Wow, look at him. His cord is so long that he made it to the back of the stairs. Oh, my goodness. He’s actually going uphill now.”

So Matt Berninger starts walking up into the seated area, which I’ve never seen before. And Maria and I are still watching this and it’s very fascinating to see that, over in the middle of the theater. The guy’s up almost to the last rows.

Then he hooks right and he starts coming toward us. We’re like, “Wow! He’s really going on walkabout here!” And he’s just stepping on people and singing as he goes, and everyone’s cheering, and he’s coming closer and closer. Finally, he’s sitting in the seat directly across from us – we’re on these stone benches, and he’s sitting there and he’s singing. I’m thinking, “Okay, he looks like he’s maybe going to go back to the stage at this point.”

Oh, no.

Matt stands up and he starts lurching like he’s going to fall on my friend who literally, I think, still had stitches in. So I had to lean over Maria, grab him by the torso, and hoist him up and over us, so he wouldn’t hit her. Then I turn to check on her and see how she was, and his mic cord clocks me between the eyeballs.

At that point, that concert went to an A+. We could not stop laughing. What were the odds on the ONE night we didn’t want to interact with anybody that the lead singer would try to climb on us? That is not a common thing. We said, “Okay, that one’s for the books. That was fun.”

Maddy 25:46

So I do think we have a good runner up funniest concert experience, which should be mentioned.

It was the time that Maria and Maria’s daughter Maya, who’s my best friend – the four of us went to go see Jenny Lewis open for Ryan Adams. We got there, and Jenny Lewis is not there. We don’t know who Ryan Adams is, and we’re sitting through his entire concert. We’ve never heard of this man in any of our lives. We’re so confused, and so you tweeted, “We went to a concert to see Jenny Lewis and she literally wasn’t there. LOL.” She tweeted us back and said, “Yeah, I don’t know what happened. I was never supposed to be at that show.” Maya and I were 20 at the time and so you tweeted, “That sucks because you have to sad underage fans here.”

Nancy 26:30

I was just trying to keep the conversation going, Maddy, come on.

Maddy 26:35

Now she knows who I am, because she knows I was at one point a sad under-age fan.

Nancy 26:39

Is she in your DMs yet with that information? Is she trying to talk at you with that?

Maddy 26:43

She has not been yet. There’s still time.

Nancy 26:44

But I do remember the singer that came out – I can think of who it is, but I won’t say her name. But she did have long red hair, and we were squinting and we said, “I mean, they both are redheads. But that is not a Jenny Lewis song.” Ryan Adams, let’s face it: He was a dick to Neil Finn. It’s been documented. I think you could probably look it up in some dark corners of the Australian web, that there was a music program in Australia where they paired up singer songwriters of different generations. And they paired up Neil Finn and Ryan Adams, and Ryan Adams was disrespectful. Had I known it was Ryan Adams and not Jenny Lewis, I would never paid for those tickets.

Maddy 27:25

It was disappointing, but a lot of fun. We were shouting song requests, but we didn’t know of any of his music, so we were making them up.

Nancy 27:32

That’s right. I forgot about that.

Maddy 27:33

But that’s runner-up funniest concert experience. And shout out Maya and Maria for being our concert buddies.

Okay, the next question from Tami is what’s the furthest you’ve ever traveled for a show.

Nancy 27:45

I have not gone over state lines. But I have gone from Oakland to Los Angeles a couple of times to see Neil Finn play different shows. The first and best one was when he played with the newly reconstituted Crowded House at the Troubadour, my husband, your dad, Madeleine, that’s your dad, he came with me. And partway through the concert I turned around, and Jemaine and Bret from Flight of the Conchords were right behind us. Because that show had just come out on HBO with the first season and I thought, “I know who these two guys are. Does anybody else? Because I’m freaking out.” Yes, so I will go 300 miles. I have yet to go further than that for a show.

Maddy 28:29

To see Jermaine and Bret at the concert, I think it’s worth it.

Nancy 28:30

It’s pretty crazy.

Maddy 28:31

That’s pretty special.

The next question from Tami is, “What’s the band you’ve seen the most times?”

Nancy 28:40

That is Crowded House, but Lord Huron, I think is going to take them over this year, if my friend Maureen got me the ticket that I asked her to get me today. They’re going to play Mountain Winery in the fall in Saratoga, California. I think Lord Huron inching up pretty quickly. That’s yours, too, isn’t it?

Maddy 28:59

Well, rookie numbers, but I think I’ve seen them three times.

Nancy 29:05

That’s a good start. You’re less than half my age, you’ve got time.

Maddy 29:09

So Tami’s last question/best question is favorite boy band, and I want to preface this that there is a correct answer.

Nancy 29:17

I know what you want me to say.

I will say we are both fans of Harry Styles. You brought me to the Harry Styles fandom, and I appreciate that. One Direction has a lot of really good hits. I’m glad that I took you to see them when you were in seventh grade. I think that was formative for you.

However, my favorite boy band would be Backstreet Boys.

Maddy 29:42

Interesting.

Nancy 29:43

Is that the correct answer?

Maddy 29:44

No, of course not.

Nancy 29:45

Oh, and the other thing I wanted to say is that during the pandemic, I did have a goal that I fell short of which was to understand K-pop. But what I have accomplished is that I can identify the individual members of BTS. I spent some time studying pictures so that I could have a functional literacy around J-Hope and RM and V and all the others. So I came out of the pandemic better than I went into it, in that sense.

Maddy 30:14

That’s interesting to hear.

I just want to say, everyone, please make sure to get vaccinated so my mom can do things other than that. So please get your vaccines so that she can pick up new hobbies. This is not meant to be disrespectful to K-pop. I’m just saying, so she can get out of the house a little bit more.

Nancy 30:39

Thanks. Your job is done. We’re done here. Everyone that is my eldest daughter, Madeleine. Maddy, thank you very much for taking your lunch break to do this with me today. I love you.

Maddy 30:48

Of course. Love you, too. This was a blast.

Nancy 30:51

Bye.

Well, I couldn’t interview one of my daughters without having the other one come on and answer the same question. So I would like to introduce you all today to my youngest daughter, Lucy Kho. Lucy is here with us today.

Lucy 31:05

Hello.

Nancy 31:06

Hi, Lu. Thanks for doing this for me. Do you want to say anything about who you are, what you do?

Lucy 31:14

I’m Lucy. I’m Nancy’s younger daughter and I’m a college student.

Nancy 31:19

What are you studying?

Lucy 31:20

I’m studying human biology.

Nancy 31:22

At UCLA. Go Bruins!

Lucy 31:23

Yes.

Nancy 31:24

We have her home for one short week before summer quarter starts because she’s heading back down to campus. So this was a perfect opportunity, Lucy, to ask you: what was your first concert and what were the circumstances?

Lucy 31:37

When we were younger, we went to a lot of concerts, but apparently I slept through them. Like Dan Zanes.

Nancy 31:44

Oh my god, I forgot that it was your first concert – Dan Zanes, who you loved. The lead singer of the Del Fuegos, who had a great career doing children’s music – still does I think.

Remember who you loved in his band, your favorite? Her name was Barbara Brousal, but you called her Baba Boosal and you loved Baba Boosol. So he was coming to play in Berkeley and I got tickets for you and me to go. You were three or four, and we got in and we got to the seats and you got up on my lap and the minute they came out, what did you do?

Lucy 32:17

Passed right out. Cold.

Nancy 32:18

Slept through the conga line, slept through the sing-alongs. I just was pinned underneath you. And then you woke up at the end, and you said you had a great time.

Lucy 32:28

Yeah.

Nancy 32:30

Got some shut eye.

Lucy 32:32

I guess that one doesn’t quite count.

Nancy 32:34

Which one do you remember?

Lucy 32:36

Teddy Thompson when I was in fifth grade, somewhere in San Francisco. He was the opener for somebody else. But we didn’t stay for the main act. We just came for him.

Nancy 32:41

Who took you?

Lucy 32:42

You.

Nancy 32:43

That’s right. I did. My mothering superpower strength.

It was Teddy Thompson. Do you know that when I interviewed him for this show, I told him that he was your first concert and do you know what he said? “That poor girl.” I was like Teddy, don’t have a confidence problem!

It was a fun night. He was opening for kd lang, but you didn’t want to see kd lang. You said, “I saw Teddy. Let’s go,” and we had to leave. So I still haven’t seen kd. Nicely played, my friend.

What’s your favorite concert that you’ve ever been to so far?

Lucy 33:11

I really liked when I saw Lord Huron in 2019 right before I went to college. It was the last concert I went to actually, as well. They were quite good. I saw Arctic Monkeys as well. I enjoyed that one. And then there’s a lot I want to go see.

Nancy 33:26

What’s coming up that you want to go to?

Lucy 33:27

I want to go see Vampire Weekend one day whenever they play, and I want to see Lord Huron again, the new album.

Nancy 33:33

You’ve been listening to the new album like crazy, haven’t you?

Lucy 33:35

Yes, it’s quite good.

Nancy 33:36

Do you have any other music recommendations for the people who are listening who are in the years between being hip and breaking one? When we drive, you are always the DJ when it’s the two of us, and you introduce me to a lot of new stuff.

Lucy 33:49

I’ve been listening to a lot of Jelani Aryeh. I would recommend that. Pretty into it.

Nancy 33:51

Anything else?

Lucy 33:52

No.

Nancy 33:58

I’m very happy to have you here today, love, and we will make the most of your final 24 hours at home before you have to go back to college.

Lucy 34:06

Yes.

Nancy 34:07

Alright. Well, everybody that’s my sweet Lucy, my Christmas Day girl, and thanks for coming on the program.

Lucy 34:11

Anytime.

Nancy 34:12

I’ll see you in 10 seconds where we meet in the hallway.

[MUSIC]

Nancy 34:19

Alright. We’re rounding the bend at the last group of questions and that is all about midlife.

Wendi Aaron’s asked, “What would you do if you had a Midlife Gap Year?” Before I answer this, I’m going to read the question that Tiffany sent into me. Tiffany said, “Will you go to the Scottish Highlands with me and tour all of those sites we saw with the professor?” Yes, Tiffany and I are such Outlander dorks that during the pandemic, we signed up for an online class called “The Castles of Outlander.” We watched from home, separately, while texting to each other, along with my friend who almost got crushed by Matt Berninger. The three of us watched a whole thing about the castles of Outlander.

So Wendi, the answer to your question, what would I do if I had a Midlife Gap Year? I would somehow combine travel and education. I don’t want to go someplace and sit by a pool. I want to see new things and learn new things. So yeah, I would love to do that. 2022 sounds good for me.

Ann Imig asked, “What book have you been reading that you keep thinking about and why?” The book is Caste by Isabel Wilkerson, no question. The Pulitzer Prize winning writer of The Warmth of Other Suns, she is an amazing historian who has uncovered histories of Blacks in America that have been kept quiet for too long. Caste was one of those books that just made me think about things just a different enough way that I’m very conscious of issues of racism and systemic bias and my own bias in a way that, I think, is helpful to dismantling it. Going back to moving the ball down the field… that book is a good way to start moving the ball down the field. She’s such a great writer. So Caste by Isabel Wilkerson. I think about it all the time.

Carolyne Bain McDaniel is one of the co-hosts of Pop Culture Preservation Society Podcast, really fun show. She says, “Not to bring the mood down, but do you think some of the qualities of being a Gen Xer helped us deal with all things COVID and quarantine? I’m thinking of childhood nuclear war, nightmares, AIDS, fear and misinformation of the 80s, and a generally slower, entertain yourself kind of upbringing.”

That’s a really good question. I remember asking my mom, when I was a teenager, “Mom, the world is ending” – Day After Tomorrow had just aired on TV, there was so much talk in the news about the Cold War and everything, and I was genuinely scared – I said to my mom, “Is this it?”

My mom said, “We went through World War 2 air drills where we had to go under our desks, and our friends had parents who died. We’ve been through it too.” She said, “Every generation has something and you get through it. You just get through it.”

When I think about Carolyn’s question, I’ve thought a lot about how we had a chance to build a lot of resilience during the 80s and 90s, the Cold War through 9/11. I think maybe that made us better suited to get through this too, because it’s not our first rodeo with bad things happening.

It’s also why I feel worse for younger people. I think it’s really hard if you’re a teenager or 20 something who hasn’t had time to build that kind of resilience yet. So I guess I’m grateful that we’re a little bit battle-hardened before we had to face this. But my heart goes out to younger people who don’t quite know yet that this, too, shall pass. But it will. Just like World War II, just like the threat of the Cold War. Things can seem really bad, and then you realize in retrospect, they were temporary.

I didn’t do this on purpose, but the next question came in from another co-host of the Pop Culture Preservation Society Podcast. Kristin wanted to know, “Here’s a total Gen X question. Are you experiencing a midlife decrease in energy and stamina?” Kristin, this sounds like the beginning of a really bad infomercial. She says, “If so, how does that affect your previous love for live music? I find myself passing on shows when they start too late or I can’t stand that long without my back seizing up. I need a chair. My interest is waning because it’s getting uncomfortable. Is this happening to you too?”

Kristen. Answer: 1000 times yes. I can’t even tell you how many times I have been ready to hit the purchase ticket button on a website and then I glance up and see doors at night and I’m thinking, “Oh, no, I am NOT going to a show where the doors don’t even open til 9 pm, no.” The Lyrics Born concert that I’m going to in July? It starts at 5pm and it’s a seated show. So that’s going to be awesome.

It’s tricky. I cannot do a super late night, although I am a fan of the disco nap and really any kind of nap. But it’s tough. I remember when I interviewed Ann Powers for the show about her book, Good Booty, and she lives in Nashville and she said there’s tons of shows that start playing at 5, 6pm. So I think that’s what we need to do. Gen Xers, rise up with your voices and tell people to start the music at 7. My God. We all want to be home at by 11 o’clock.

Denise Keneally wrote in and said that she has finished three books since she listened to the podcast with Laura Tremaine, who was the guest for Episode 91, who shared the tip that you should read 20 minutes a day. Denise, I am so proud of you! Way to go! She wanted to know, what was the best book I read during the pandemic? I’m going to give you two, because I talk a lot.

The first is The Other Bennet Sister by Janice Hadlow. If you’ve read my book, you know that I am a huge, huge fan of Jane Austen and I read all the Jane Austen fanfic like Death at Pemberley and all these other “Jane Austen’s literature as a jumping off point” books. The Other Bennet Sister is magnificent. It’s the whole story of Pride and Prejudice told from the point of view of Mary Bennet, who is the quiet mousy one that everybody makes fun of in the background, and it is so well done. You just love Mary by the end of this book and yeah, I really enjoyed The Other Bennet Sister by Janice Hadlow.

The other one that I just finished and really enjoyed was Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner, who is the lead singer for Japanese Breakfast. She is the daughter of a Korean mom and Anglo-American guy, and it’s about how she connected with her mom’s Korean culture through food and how hard it was when her mom passed away at a too young age, and just kind of this process of connecting with her mom through the Korean culture and food.

You’ll be hungry at the end of every page, because she writes so beautifully about Korean food. I had to put it aside a few times. My mom passed away in December, and there were a couple things that felt so real that I wasn’t quite ready to read them. But it’s a beautiful book. My goodness, what a talented, talented young woman. She’s amazing. So Crying in H Mart, highly recommend.

Larry Schmidlin wrote in from the beaches of Cartagena and said, “I had a hard time leaving Oakland, but I had to be on a beach. If you left Oakland, where would you go?”

This is the $64,000 question, Larry. It’s an ongoing debate and the topic of most of our dinner table conversations. I really like Oakland. I don’t want to leave it. My husband feels differently. He would like to go someplace cheaper. He thinks he wants to go to Burlington, Vermont, which is a cold place. I like the temperate weather in Oakland.

Burlington is great. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a fun city. But I don’t know that I’m ready to move back to the East Coast and deal with snow, and then my husband says, “Don’t worry. We go somewhere warm in the winters.” Then I just give him another serving of food and we change the subject. So I don’t know the answer, Larry, maybe we’ll come visit you in Colombia and you can tell us what’s up down there.

Then here is the final set of questions. Liz asks, “I’m almost 50, do I really have to drink that collagen peptide shit now? Laurie says, “Also, why is perimenopause?” Vikki says, “I’d like to know this too.”

Well, Liz, Laurie, and Vikki, thank you for making this easy. It’s time to talk about menopause.

After 100 episodes and approximately 85,000 pitches from menopause experts that I have ignored thinking to myself now, “No, no, we’re not going to talk about this now”… We’re going to do it on the next episode. Why? Because this conversation is EVERYWHERE, every text thread that I’m in, every gathering of women that I know, everything I read. It’s like we’re all sending an SOS from Menopause Island. None of us know what’s going on. There’s tons of questions and no good answers.

And I have a lot of male listeners. Fellas, I want you to listen to this too, because you may not think this impacts you. But I’m telling you, your wives, your sisters, your colleagues at work: we’re all talking about this right now.

So my guest for the next episode will be two women who saw a huge gap in the market for safe, common sense products that serve women in perimenopause and menopause. The stuff you wish existed, they have it. They also made a midlife pivot to start this company. So I’m going to ask them, why don’t we talk about this stuff? Why is it so confusing? Why are we stuck sending an SOS from Menopause Island to our friends who really don’t know shit either? I’m looking forward to this. It took me a while to work up to it. But I think we’re ready, so don’t miss it.

Alright. Thank you so much for sending in all those questions. I’m going to announce the winners for the Book Prize packs now.

For Pack One, that’s that bundle of books by past guests.: That’s Marcey Ansley. Thank you so much, Marcy, for sending in your question.

Pack Two, the bundle of my favorite music-themed books is going out to Mark Kana.

Pack Three, a Thank-You Project bundle with a signed copy of my book and who knows what else from my favorite Oakland store, Oaklandish: That’s going to Cindy Wilbur.

So Marcy, Mark, Cindy! Send an email to [e-mail] so I can make sure I know where I’m sending these packages.

One final note, I am endlessly grateful to the talented musician who provides the music for my show, Kyle Terrezzi aka M. The Heir Apparent. He’s a Berkeley-based singer and songwriter who so kindly allows me to use his song “Be Free” from his 2016 album of the same name. I’m going to have that whole song play us out today.

Thank you all so much for sticking with the Midlife Mixtape Podcast!

Oh, and here’s that one last personal tidbit. We got a dog last weekend! Arlo Kho is here with me in my office, a little guy from the Oakland Animal Services. They found him on the street a few weeks ago. He has only been here for 48 hours but he is sweet as can be. I hope he relaxes. I think he’s probably so nervous. I think he’s probably on his very, very best behavior for fear we’re going to take him back. But how could we do that? Chill out, buddy. You’re here for the rest of your days.

So going forward, maybe you’ll hear some barks from Arlo in a future episode. Can’t tell if this mellow state is going to stick but we’ll see what happens. Thank you so much, everybody. Have a great week.

[“Be Free” by M. The Heir Apparent]

The post Ep 100 Centennial Celebration appeared first on Midlife Mixtape .