Four years along....where I am now?

My Inner Torch

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I initiated my podcast in September 2020 as a platform to document my journey while helping others navigate the complexities of relationship dynamics, especially those involving narcissism. Over the past four years, I’ve shared insights about my long-term marriage. Initially, I believed my wife had borderline personality traits, but I now suspect she may be a covert narcissist. I highlight the challenges of understanding such personalities and emphasize that the critical issue is whether my needs are met in the relationship, regardless of the type of abuse I may experience. Although I feel more enlightened after years of exploration, I still struggle with my wife’s perplexing behavior and hesitate to discuss my feelings with her due to her perceived lack of respect and empathy.

I also reflect on the significance of attention and prioritization in relationships. I’ve felt frustrated over my wife’s decision to plan a trip with our daughter on our upcoming 22nd wedding anniversary, as it seems to undermine the importance of our marriage. This contrast becomes even more apparent when I consider her evident commitment to our daughter’s birthday, further highlighting my feelings of thoughtlessness and abandonment.

Additionally, I delve into the misconceptions about covert narcissists compared to grandiose narcissists. While grandiose types are often ambitious and charismatic, covert narcissists may display traits like chronic emptiness and manipulation through victimhood. Through my experiences, I convey feelings of confusion and self-blame, ultimately leading to a realization about the nature of my relationship. I stress the importance of recognizing these dynamics and encourage others to value themselves and pursue healing.

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