Helping siblings with boundaries

My New Life

Bickering, fighting, jealousy, constant comparison and competition — sibling rivalry can be exhausting. Here to help us reduce the conflict between our children is parent educator, Kristin Mariella. Her approach is to hold the limits, while welcoming the waves of emotion. You can find more from Kristin Mariella @respectfulmom.

Takeaways:

1. Hold your tongue! Kristin urges parents to resist getting involved with sibling conflict, as long as there is not a safety issue. Even with the best of intentions, adult interference creates resistance and it sends the message of mistrust.

2. Welcome the big emotions your siblings have toward one another. It’s OK if they’re not the best of friends — and their relationship will shift over time. By normalizing disagreements, you will diminish the tension in the sibling relationship.

3. Avoid fostering competition. For example, asking your children to race to the car has a tendency to pit one child against another. Instead, have them compete against you. Play the part of the clumsy adult and you're bound to bring some humor to the situation.

4. Do your best to avoid equalizing things, particularly when it comes to food. Kristin reminds her children: “We never count food.” If you’re forever equaling out portions, you are sending the message that your children should look to their sibling’s plate to see if they have enough, rather than listening to their body.

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Find Kristin Mariella @respectfulmom

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