Episode 6G - Return of the Buddha

Myths Your Teacher Hated Podcast

This week on MYTH, we’ll at last reach the end of our 14 year journey to Vulture Peak in mythical India, which bears only a passing resemblance to the real India.. This is the seventh and final episode on the epic tale of Sun Wukong, the Monkey King. If you haven’t heard the first six parts, I’d recommend going back and listening. The first episode provides a lot of back story on the Monkey King and on the chinese cosmology, the second tells how this whole quest thing got started, the third tells Sanzang got tricked into banishing Monkey from the party, the fourth tells how Sanzang ended up hanging from a tree surrounded by bandits and Monkey decided to join back up, and the fifth tells about Sanzang being totally cool with being kidnapped as long as no beautiful women try to fuck him.

After some sitcom antics, Sanzang figures out he’s been tricked by demons into distrusting Monkey, and they all become one big happy party again just long enough for Sanzang to nearly get his dick sucked by a scorpion demon. Monkey gets the gods of the stars to burn her to dust. Not long after, Monkey forgets how much trouble Sanzang gets into on his own and goes scouting. The monk is promptly kidnapped by bandits and strung up in a tree. Monkey murders all of the bandits, and Sanzang gets all pissy about it. They find an imposter Buddha who manages to trap a significant fraction of the Chinese gods in a bag, but Monkey eventually finds the right god for the job. Sanzang again gets super pissed that somebody want a piece of the holy D, and they find a castle with a sick king. Monkey plays doctor, and gets sent after a wife kidnapping demon to fix the king. He saves the monk, only to lose him again, this time to a harem of slutty girl demons. They naturally turn out to be hideous spider monsters, and Monkey defeats them and their eye-torsoed leader. They meet and stop a king bent on child murder to keep his erection longer, and yet another female demon who’s main sin is wanting to fuck an old priest. Continuing, they meet an eviler king who wants to murder 10,000 monks because reasons. They escape that horror by being critical of the special effects. In this episode, you’ll learn that magical quests from your god aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, that if you slap a god, you might have to swim in your own shit, and that slutty demon whores are not the worst examples of women to be found in this myth. Then, in Gods and Monsters, it’s the Old Lady of Forgetfulness, who’s probably related to the Greek god Hades.