NOG 13: Stanky Games

Nation of Gamers

Little Karen leaped at the sound of the old, rattling 1977 Cadillac Catera pulling into the driveway. Only one car sounded like that; it had to be Grandpa! Nearly squealing with excitement, she rushed to the front door and threw it open.

“Grandpa!” she shouted.

“Well, hello, little Karen,” Grandpa said as he hobbled away from the car. “How is my favorite granddaughter on her sixth birthday?” In his wizened claws he clutched an inexpertly wrapped present, roughly the size and shape of a video game. Karen’s eyes nearly fell out of her head. She loved video games! Unable to contain her excitement, she darted forward and snatched the package from Grandpa’s grasp and ran at full speed back into the house.

By the time Grandpa stumbled wheezing into the house, Karen had torn the wrapping off of her gift. Her earlier excitement was strangely absent as she stared at the game in her hands. The color drained from her face, a look of dawning horror overtaking her. “Well,” grandpa asked after an uncomfortable moment of silence, “do you like it?”

Karen stood stock still, unable to tear her eyes from the wretched thing in her hands. Suddenly she jerked as if stung and tossed the thing on floor. She wiped her hands on her blouse, desperately trying to clean away some unseen filth. Without a word, she ran to the kitchen. Grandpa was appalled into silence, unable to comprehend the depths to which he’d offended his precious granddaughter.

She returned with a can of lighter fluid and sprayed the game down liberally. Grandpa moved to stop her, but something in her eyes held him at bay. Her eyes spoke of great betrayal, of great pain, of the end of her short childhood. Tossing the now empty container to the side, Karen stared at her Grandfather with contempt as she lit a match. “This is the only way the house will ever be clean again, Grandpa,” she said as it dropped to the floor, touching off a horrific conflagration.

The firemen managed to get everyone out of the house, but Grandpa felt little relief. He sat on a gurney, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, staring at the house going down in flames, a great sense of guilt and despair settling upon him. A fireman walked up and without delay asked, “What happened here?”

The fire reflected in Grandpa’s sad eyes. “I gave her Pokeman: Heart Gold.” He shook his head. “That girl hates Pokeman.”

Wow, I went a really long way for that joke, didn’t I? Anyway, join Eric, Spencer, and Brent as they explore their bottom five games, pulling in plenty of the Nation’s least favorite games to discuss as well! By the way, wasn’t there another guy on this show? What happened to him, anyway?

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