13. How to Parent a Unicorn. Two Ways of Perceiving the World: Sensing and Intuition

Not So Normal Parenting

Do you feel like you are parenting a unicorn? Does it ever seem like they are the H CH Cr dog in a dog park of golden doodles? Or maybe I just described how you feel? Some personality types are rare, making up only .05% of the population! These lovely souls often go around feeling insecure because they feel like something is wrong with them since they aren’t like everyone else. It is like being a lefty in a righty society! These are the intuitive types. The Scarecrows from the Wizard of Ox also known as the Eagle face of God and the Tinmen or Human face of God. Be sure to listen to Episode 2, Nature or Nurture, the four behavior patterns if you want to learn more. In today’s episode we are going to talk about sensors and intuitives, how to tell them apart and stay tuned to the end because I am going to give you five powerful ways to parent your not so normal kids!

Sensing and Intuition, S or N: Reality or Speculation

In simple terms, Sensing and Intuition, the second position in the four-letter pattern, refer to Sensing and Intuition show us how we learn, experience, and gather information from the world.

Sensors use their five physical senses, and Intuitives use their sixth sense. S and N are like giant funnels that take in information without judging. Their purpose is to observe and gather information. The majority of the world’s population are Sensors (86ish%), so Intuitive types often feel out of place or misunderstood. Sensors talk about reality or what is, and what was. They tend to have down to earth practical concerns. Common topics of conversation range from the weather or the news to a favorite recipe, their new car, or their current workout. Talking about things they can see, hear, touch, taste, or smell right now. Young Sensing children explore their environment by putting everything in their mouths. They learn by observing and doing. These are the kids that eat paste, playdough and crayons! Sensing children like playing with tangible things and activities that are rooted in reality. They are sensory and also have a heightened awareness of textures, smells, tastes and sounds. They are physical and enjoy using their bodies.

Intuitives speculate about intangible questions like, What if …, or, What does it mean? Their favorite topics of conversation might range from why a company changed the colors of their logo to the meaning of song lyrics or the reason people turn to a life of crime. Introverted intuitives often daydream and get lost in thought and may not see the physical world around them and extroverted intuitives love to brainstorm all their big ideas. Rather than down to earth practical matters, they are often dreaming up something new they can create. I am an intuitive and don’t judge, but I struggle to clean house or cook food. When my children were home, of course I did these things, but now that it is just me and my hubby, we sort of fend for ourselves. I lived off of Costco chicken nuggets wile I was first creating this podcast! Intuitive children are going to engage more in imaginative play and create elaborate storylines. They may speculate into the future and ask questions about abstract topics like existence, time and space. Intuitive Feelers (Tinmen) are relational and empathetic, whereas Intuitive Thinkers (Scarecrow) are conceptual and theoretical. Most Intuitive children tend to talk early, develop impressive vocabularies, and show creativity with theories and ideas. The Introverted Intuitives won’t be as talkative but will show skills in reading earlier than Sensing types.

Both S and N types can appreciate facts and speculate about the unknown, but temperament is determined by which mode is most preferred.

The differences between Sensing and Intuition can be very difficult to detect in both children and adults. Sometimes, these differences show up unannounced, causing an underlying feeling of inclusion or exclusion, depending on the environment. Sensors are aware and imitative of trends, whereas Intuitives beat to their own drum. Somewhat removed from reality, an Intuitive person perceives life differently than the rest of the world, causing them to occasionally feel like a Chinese crested hairless dog among golden doodles.

Intuitive people prefer looking into the deeper meaning that underlies everything. Intuitives can often be found reading books about self-growth and flocking to temperament science like it’s the next big decorating trend from Joanna Gaines…I am goilty…painted my bedroom and bathroom sea salt. They usually read early, have large vocabularies, and ask “why” questions constantly.

Why is it important to understand whether you or your children are Sensing or Intuitive? As stated before, the Intuitive preference is rare and not grounded in reality. You might receive new insight as to how your child sees the world. Maybe you are having a lightbulb moment right now as you realize why your child can’t see his shoes when they are right in front of him. Or why you or your child have never followed fashion trends or have been late to jump on the trend bandwagon. Wide leg jeans and crop tops…HS boys same hair same shorts.. We all use our Intuition, and we all use our five senses, but everyone prefers one to the other.

Sensors: Dorothy/Don and Lion

Lion Sensors learn by doing. Without thought, they dive in to experience the present moment while Ox/Dorothys like to observe and reference past experiences before they act. Lions “leap before they look,” and Dorothys “look before they leap.” Dorothys are planned and Lions are spontaneous, Dorothys like safety and security and Lions crave freedom. Dorothys are rule followers and Lions are rule ignorers or rule makers…they make their own rules.

4 year old Tyler Candy put up high, late at night cabinet clip unclipping, barstool top of counter to the top of the fridge day earlier penguin legs full of treats. No pockets cuz he had been searched b4, trying not to laugh, when asked what was in his pants, just me! This may sound like your child, but if you aren’t sure take my test and I would love for you to share your own stories with me to be featured on the show. You can share these in my Not So Normal Parenting Facebook group or email me at WendyGossett.com. We will do a whole episode on lion children so stay tuned for that.

There are two flavors of sensing.

All Lion SP types share a brain function called extroverted sensing or you can think of it as external sensing, because both the introverted thinking and feeling lion types still have extroverted or external sensing. All Ox/Dorothy SJ types have a brain function called introverted or internal sensing because again, even the two extroverted Ox/Dorothy types have introverted or internal sensing. Both are sensors, but they don’t look the same.If you want a very in depth view of introverted or internal sensing, check out the interview with my Ox/Dorothy feeling rule following son Nathan.

Intuitives: Scarecrow and Tinman

Intuitives learn differently. They learn, experience, and gather information from the world by using their sixth sense. You have probably heard the phrase, “Trust your gut,” which seems to be referring to Intuition, but a person could just as easily say, “What are you Sensing about this or that?” You have probably also heard of a “woman’s Intuition,” causing the mistaken assumption that all women prefer N or Intuition. True Intuitives see the world through a foggy windshield. The world whizzing by looks like an impressionistic painting. The driver is aware of some immediate physical details but prefers to look further down the road for hidden patterns or meanings.

And just like there are two kinds of sensing, there are two kinds of intuition. Extroverted or External and introverted or internal.

Extroverted or external intuitives are more exploratory in their process, seeing an endless universe of possibilities. They have expansive minds that are open to all possibilities in the physical world, much like a telescope examining the universe or a rocket ship taking off. These children will be very active and seem similar to action-oriented Lion children, but their motivations are different. The Intuitive child’s activity is motivated by a curiosity to understand how the world works, and the extroverted or external Sensor’s motivation is to experience the immediate physical sensations his activity produces. The former is intellectual and imaginative, and the latter is physical and literal.

Visionary Intuitives

Introverted or internal Intuitives will be less active but more visionary and limiting in their exploration, noticing patterns and relationships that cause them to seem wise beyond their years. They are less tuned into their environment and more tuned into abstract ideas and images they “see” or speculate about in their head. All Intuitive types are more focused on the future than they are present reality, causing them to feel restless and disappointed at times. Since they are always looking many miles down the road, the anticipation for the destination can sometimes supersede the reality of actually being there, leaving them disillusioned with the actual outcome.

If you are a sensing parent with an intuitive child, because the 86% odds have it that you are here are some tips to help you parent them

1. Let your extroverted intuitives dream and don’t pour reality rain on their parade. Often times they aren’t really going to do the crazy thing they just want to speculate about what if? Realize you may just be a sounding board for their big ideas.
2. Let your introvert intuitives daydream. You may see them as being unproductive, but they are using their number one brain function which is the air they breathe and the water they swim in. They need time to let their unconscious mind come up with amazing ideas and aha moments.
3. Don’t expect your extroverted intuitives or lions to be neat and organized. Extroverted intuitives see possibilities in everything and may have difficulty throwing away toilet paper tubes or dryer lint! Remember they are little scientists who are constantly doing experiments!
4. They might not be interested in following trends. I knew a high school boy with external intuition who insisted on wearing a hamburger backpack!
5. Let them know how rare this brain function is…Scarecrows are only 8% of the world and Tinmen are only 6%. Show them a photo of 100 people and say, only 8 or 6 of those people are wired like you! This way if they are feeling out of place or strange and haven’t expressed it, you have now opened up the conversation and made them feel seen. They are unicorns and sometimes feel like they have two heads, so you want to make sure that in their own home they feel honored for their unique strengths.