Knowledge Project: #66 Pleasure is the Measure with Dr. Emily Nagoski


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Podcast Notes Key Takeaways

  • “Porn is really bad sex education. Learning about sex from porn is like learning how to drive watching NASCAR.”
  • If you’re thinking about opening up your relationship, know that…
    • Adding another person NEVER makes things easier
    • Doing so adds a much more complicated dynamic in terms of how feelings are assessed
  • “Pleasure is the measure of sexual well-being”
    • It’s not about how many orgasms you have, how many positions you cycle through, or how many partners you have, it’s whether or not you LIKE the sex you’re having
  • “Frequency of sex is not a predictor of sexual satisfaction
  • The two characteristics of couples who sustain a strong sexual connection over multiple decades:
    • NOT frequent sex
    • NOT wild and adventurous sex
    • 1) The couple maintains a strong friendship based on trust
    • 2) The couple prioritizes sex and believes it to be important for the quality of the relationship
  • The 6 factors that increase sexual pleasure:
    • 1) Personal, mental, and physical well-being
    • 2) Partner characteristics
    • 3) Trust
    • 4) Setting
    • 5) Life circumstances (stress, job satisfaction, etc.)
    • 6) Ludic factors (how free you feel with your partner to experiment in the bedroom and explore your fetishes)

Read the full notes @

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Sex educator and author Dr. Emily Nagoski demystifies the science of sexuality and shows us how to shed our insecurities, connect more closely with our partner, and define pleasure on our own terms.


For comprehensive show notes on this episode, including a full edited transcript, go to

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