School Refusers & Helicopter Parenting

Quillette Cetera

In Australia, thousands of children and teenagers are increasingly refusing to attend school due to anxiety, a phenomenon known as "anxiety-based school refusal". Over half of students were chronically absent last year, defined as missing over 20 days of school annually. This trend has been attributed to the impact of Covid lockdowns on mental health and the influence of excessive screen time. Social isolation during lockdowns has led to increased social anxiety, with school becoming a perceived threat.

However, the trend of school refusal predates the pandemic, with experts warning of rising child anxiety rates. Contributing factors include doom-laden messages about climate change from the media, and the negative effects of social media on sleep and genuine friendships. Overparenting is also considered to be a significant issue, as it denies children the necessary challenges that foster resilience.

In the face of school refusal, allowing a child to stay home can reinforce the belief that school is a threat and attendance is optional. We suggest a better approach is graded exposure therapy, a method widely recognized as the most effective treatment for various anxiety disorders. This method can be likened to exposing a person with a phobia to the object of their fear gradually until they become desensitized. In the context of school refusal, this could involve rehearsing school drop-offs and working in partnership with schools and psychologists until the child can do it alone.

We should be teaching children that discomfort is not necessarily a problem to be solved, but a part of life to be endured, and that it's a mistake to believe good mental health means feeling good all the time. Therefore, allowing children to struggle with their problems, rather than stepping in to solve them, can be more beneficial in the long term.

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