Episode 2: Kudos, Garn

DNA 404

Kudos, Garn

Wherein Sharp discovers the many issues ahead.

The audio was designed with a stereo experience in mind, if you are listening in the car or have any hearing loss it may be helpful to put your phone or music app in mono audio mode.

Detailed Content Warnings: Anxiety, anxiety attacks,claustrophobia (small spaces), physical injury, detailed medical talk, systemic oppression (discussed as a risk to human crewmates)

The transcript for this episode will be updated in the future to be more accurate, however you can find the original script HERE, or at the bottom of the show notes in plain text.

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You can find and follow our cast and crew at the included links below or by reviewing our cast page on our website at DNA404.com

Written and produced by Theo Perth (they/them)

Script Editing by Adam Lloyd (he/him)

Audio Consultation and annotation by Tal Minear (they/them)

Music was composed and published by Taylor Brook (he/him)

Our voice actors included:

Travis Vaughn (he/him) as Roland Kornbluth

Victoria Veit (she/her) as Patrice Atwood

Theo Perth (they/them) as Sharp

Jay Knapp (he/him) as Tobias Butler

Anna Thornton (she/they/he) as Zeegboo

Brad Colbroock (the/them/he) as Kyros

Storm S. Cone (he/him) as Antonello Pohl

Tekla Johnson (she/he/they) as Moiko Jemisin

And George as Spooky

Sound effects obtained from Marcel Gnauk at freetousesounds.com

Additional effects provided by the following users at freesound.org

Tobiasz 'Unfa' Karon, Jakobhandersen, Pablobd, and Tlcolbe, under CC0

Wihan98 (cloth rustling, balloon fidgeting) under the Attribution CC.

Transcript:

Welcome back, offboard crew of DNA 404. I’m Theo Perth, the creator behind DNA 404. You’re about to hear episode 2, ‘Kudos, Garn’.

Before the start of the episode, some content warnings. DNA404 includes a variety of stressful situations. See the show notes for a detailed list of warnings. There is not any explicit content but the following subject matters are present or referred to in this episode. Please take care.

Anxiety, potential claustrophobic spaces, detailed medical talk, and systemic oppression.

While there is a detailed list in the notes, I wanted to address one of these verbally, to elaborate further. The oppression that comes up is regarding the current classification of humans in the fictional galactic republic, commonly referred to as ‘the republic’.

While this is all fiction it’s important to remember that real life issues are represented in fiction. The current fictional classification of humans is that they are non-citizens of the republic. This means that there may be reference to or clear prejudice displayed depending on the scene in future episodes. I will do my very best to provide clear warnings in future episodes about what triggers are present.

It would be inappropriate for me to assume I fully understand the effects of racism. The experience I do have in life means I do understand aspects of systemic oppression. But as a white person I am not someone to tell the story of racism that Persons of Color or Black and Indiginous Persons of Color have experienced.

There will not be any police violence ever in DNA 404. There will be micro-aggressions. Some are from exoterrestrials (or aliens) to terrestrials (earthlings). Some are from our human characters to Sharp. There will be systemic oppression and prejudice that is present and fought against. It is a relevant issue to the plot of the first season.

I’ve included sensitivity readers but in the future we will also have a sensitivity consultant review our content. If you should have any feedback at all, please contact us at [e-mail].

Thank you for your patience. I hope that even with the representation of real life issues in fiction, you can still find a form of escape from your troubles. After all, sometimes it’s nice to trade your troubles for someone else’s, just for a little while.

Despite everything, I hope every crewmember out there has something beautiful or precious to them, even if it is transitory in nature.

Welcome back, to DNA 404, and thank you for listening.

SCENE (1) MEDBAY

FX: DOOR WHOOSH AND STEPS COMING CLOSER

ROLAND:

Patrice! There you are. Everything alright?

PATRICE:

(trailing off before last sentence)

No. Well, yes. Zeegboo was really nice. I was just...is everyone doing alright?

ROLAND:

They’re all hooked up to fluids.

PATRICE:

Was that absolutely necessary?

ROLAND:

I wasn’t sure if dehydration would be worse up here, given the lower gravity and all.

PATRICE:

No, I mean, in terms of our supplies.

ROLAND:

Ah right. Well we’re not running out any time soon. We’ve got enough fluids to get us through a drought of biblical proportions.

PATRICE:

Very well, but perhaps we should exercise more caution in future. We don’t know how long we’re going to have to rely on our supplies.

ROLAND:

(despondent)

Oh. Sorry. I just thought-

PATRICE:

(INTERUPPTING, apologetic)

Oh no. No. It’s fine really. I just erm...is everybody still nauseous?

ROLAND:

Like newborn kittens. I’m feeling a little fuzzy myself actually. I would kill for a couple of aspirin and a can of Blue Bull.

PATRICE:

(shocked)

What’s that?

ROLAND:

My signature hangover cure.

PATRICE:

(incredulous)

And you call yourself a medical professional!?

ROLAND:

(despondent)

And a really bad comedian, apparently. Sorry.

PATRICE:

(awkward)

Oh I see...erm...Sharp! Do you know of a correlation between nausea and low gravity? I’m not exactly familiar with astronautics.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Vertigo and nausea are common when astronauts are acclimatizing to weightlessness, but I don’t believe it’s the cause in this case. If we compare ourselves to shuttle flights, skylab experiments and the records on the STS-51-D, otherwise known as the ‘vomit comet,’ we’re actually doing quite well. We don’t even have one Garn between all the passengers.

ROLAND:

One Garn? The hell is a Garn?

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

It’s an informal system to quantify space sickness. It is also a Cockney expression for disbelief or mockery, the etymology for which stems back to Old Norse and-

PATRICE:

(INTERRUPTING)

Sharp! Focus.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Yes. Pertaining to our situation, I’d rate the worst discomfort levels at mostly twenty to thirty percent Garn and a few at forty upon initial awakening. Roland, you may have had the highest Garn rating at one half. But you said it passed quickly?

ROLAND:

(quickly)

Yeah. I haven’t even lost my lunch.

PATRICE:

(interjecting)

He means vomited, Sharp.

SHARP:

(DISTORT, brightly)

Well, Garn himself didn’t vomit at all. But he was horribly ill.

ROLAND:

(sarcastically)

Oh. That’s something to look forward to then. What’s next, Doc?

PATRICE:

Patrice, please. I don’t want everyone to think I’m...I’m-

ROLAND:

(mischievously)

Doctor Rowan Ozimov M.D. the third esquire?

PATRICE:

She didn’t! Hold on...isn’t an esquire a lawyer?

ROLAND:

Just teasing. Nah, she seems a little stiff, but I think she’s just about efficiency. Although she did ask me to make sure you take a lie down. It’s been a long day.

PATRICE:

Yeah..yeah..no. Thank you, Roland. But what about the patients?

ROLAND:

I got ‘em. We might need some sort of rota to keep an eye on Satcha. If I take the first watch, you can rest up for when we really need you.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Rest? You were asleep for almost a week.

ROLAND:

Asleep? Being frozen doesn’t exactly provide a healthy R.E.M. cycle.

PATRICE:

Thanks, Roland. Grab me if you need anything at all.

ROLAND:

(mutters)

Like hell I will

(regular volume)

Skedaddle now. Go on.

FX: SLOW FOOTSTEPS

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Roland, are you sure you are in an optimal condition to help our patients?

ROLAND:

Between you and me Sharp, I could go for a little nonexistence about now. I came on board after a 24 hour shift in a cramped box and I don’t feel rested at all. But I can’t rest while there’s work to do. Plus, my mind’s too active to sleep at the moment.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Why would that be?

ROLAND:

(sarcastic at first)

I don’t know Sharp, maybe because it turns out aliens are a thing, plus I’m hurtling through the cosmos on an actual spaceship?! It’s fine...it just takes a bit of getting used to. Look...I’ll be okay if I can just get some food into me.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

What do you like to eat?

ROLAND:

I don’t exactly know what’s on the menu here in the infinite void of space of time, but I’d accept a hot pocket. Hell, a tube of space paste would work.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Alas, no space paste. But I CAN send a droid to fetch you something instead. Or if you’d rather have something more complicated you can prepare something yourself in the kitchen.

ROLAND:

Well...what would garçon recommend?

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Grits, oatmeal, soups, burritos, or even some microwavable meals. All kinds of frozen meals are all stocked up.

ROLAND:

Can the droids do sandwiches, or fetch me the stuff for it? Tomato, cheese and mustard. Maybe two, actually.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Coming right up...in the meantime you could just sit and rest a little. Everyone is starting to fall asleep.

ROLAND:

Nah. I need to keep busy.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

There’s nothing for you to attend to right now. Please, I’d feel much better if you rested.

ROLAND:

Well, alright, but gimme a shake if I start dozing off. I need to stay awake in case Satcha needs something.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Acknowledged. Perhaps some relaxing music would help?

FX: LULLABY MUSIC

ROLAND:

(annoyed)

Sharp! That’s sleeping music!

FX: LULLABY MUSIC STOPS

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

My apologies. It must be incorrectly tagged in my database. Do you have any requests?

ROLAND:

Lofi beats to leave Earth to?

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

That doesn’t match anything I have on record.

ROLAND:

Just talk to me; keep my mind occupied.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Is talking a restful activity?

ROLAND:

Come on. I need to do something until my sandwich arrives.

SHARP:

(DISTORT, apprehensive)

What would you like to talk about?

ROLAND:

What’s wrong? Are you going shy on me now? You were chatty enough earlier.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

I just...well...it feels like I’m intruding.

ROLAND:

What does? Talking to me?

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

N-no. I’m referring to the situation. It’s a difficult concept to convey...ambivalence perhaps? I want to talk, but I feel like every time I do I make the situation worse.

ROLAND:

That sounds like guilt to me. Look, something shitty happened, but that’s not on you. People will recognise that eventually if you keep communicating honestly with them.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Is that the best solution? I’ve heard that sometimes continued contact with the source of previous pain can be cruel. Like a bully from 8th grade coming back years later just to say sorry. Is it done to satisfy the bully’s guilt rather than to help the victim? In some cases the kindest course of action would be to leave them alone and allow them to heal.

ROLAND:

Sharp. You’re not a bully.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Then to attempt another metaphor, what if I were a driver that lost control and hit a number of pedestrians? They may understand it was an accident, but that doesn’t change the fact they’ve all been injured.

FX: BEAT

ROLAND:

...I don’t think this is the same, Sharp. You’re more like...okay...say you held a house party and invited all your friends. Would it be your fault if the house caught on fire and everyone got burned?

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Maybe. I invited them into a dangerous situation.

ROLAND:

You couldn’t have foreseen that. How’s it your fault?

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

I should have inspected the house for potential fire hazards. I should have made sure no one bought flammable materials into the home. I should have-

ROLAND:

(INTERRUPTING)

Look, kid. I know. It feels like a lot of this happened just because you exist. That doesn’t mean everything happens because of you. You were just the catalyst. Some things just happen.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

There’s no CTRL-Z for real life.

ROLAND:

I’m not sure what that means. How about “Shit happens”? Ah, I’m probably not supposed to be swearing around a kid. You’re only barely two years old, right?

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

I don’t think you need to worry, Roland. I’ve already seen and cataloged an entire library of curse words. I lived on the internet in a more literal sense than any child before me.

ROLAND:

(mock outrage)

Technology is desensitizing our kids!

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Thank you Roland. I know...I know when I asked you to come to space, you didn’t fully understand what I was. But when you got here, you just...accepted the situation.

ROLAND:

I think I might be one of those kinetic learners. Easier for me to believe something you can see and experience.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

But you can’t exactly see me. Am I outside of your experience? The equipment room is essentially my brain, but looking at my brain isn’t the same as looking at me.

ROLAND:

You take things too literally, Sharp. I stepped on board and you were right there. You’re here right now. The ship acts like a body for you. And I can feel your presence in the room with us. Does that sound strange?

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

I don’t know. I mean, I interface with the world through inputs, outputs and sensors. What sensor tells you that you can feel me?

ROLAND:

That’s hard to describe. It’s not one of the traditional five senses, that’s for sure. It’s more of...a gut feeling? I can sense an intelligence there that I usually get from looking a person in the eyes...where are your eyes by the way? The cameras?

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

That’s my visual sensor right there. There’s also an infrared heat sensor there, though.

ROLAND:

Good to know. For bedtime.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Does it bother you that I am essentially everywhere on the ship?

ROLAND:

No, actually. I know some people believe in spirits and some don’t, but I feel a presence on your ship. Not that you’re a ghost or anything, just that...you’re always within reach? Maybe it’s just in my head.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Technically, yes, but it’s more complicated than that. The benefit to me is we can isolate how I feel things. But biological life is messier. You have nerves plugged into your brain. And your brain learned to interpret data from the ground up. I merely receive a set of instructions. You do too, in your DNA, but they’re more instinctual.

ROLAND:

Tell me about it.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

I just did, Roland.

ROLAND:

Yeah but...nevermind. Food for thought I guess.

SHARP:

(DISTORT)

Speaking of which, I have everything ready for you to make a sandwich!

FX: DOOR WHOOSH AND TAPPING STEPS WITH MOTORIZED MOVEMENTS

ROLAND:

Excellent! I am...