Holy Ghosted

I Totally Relate!

We are still rolling in our Faith Transition series. We have shared a few individual stories, a couple in a mixed faith marriage, and today we are sharing the story of James and Terin, a married couple who have both recently left the Mormon church.

Grab a cup of coffee and get cozy, this is the longest episode we have released yet. It is all so good, we had to share the whole conversation. Mormon culture is most often a persons whole identity, it is all connected, and leaving out parts of it take away from the heaviness of how this truly has impacted these two lives.

Terin and James met in seminary class in high school... that is not lost on us. Their story becomes complex and heavy very quickly, especially for two young high school students. They were a very serious couple and Terin became pregnant her junior year. Although she felt guilt about this and their interactions together, she was very invested in the Mormon religion and this outcome just pulled her deeper into the religion as she was determined to prove that she was a good woman and a good mom. She enjoyed going to church and felt inclusion and hope in the message and congregation as a stark contrast to the chaos and loneliness she felt at home.

James also experienced a lot of trauma, confusing messages, and chaos in his home as a child. Though, in church it was exasperated by feeling excluded and ostracized by other children and families in his ward. He did not feel invested or like a dedicated believer as a young child because of the environment and ward he grew up in.

Both of these young children coming from tumultuous backgrounds, meant that the promise of families being together forever helped solidify a testimony for both. However, once the pregnancy was made public, they were presented with two extreme options that neither of them wanted or felt peace about. The first was to get married and raise this child, and the second was to go with adoption and never see each other again. Reluctantly, they chose the first. Their families and the culture in the church absolutely shamed their love and the expression of that love with each other.

Right before they got married, Terin discovered an addiction of James'. this complicated the situation and the relationship further. The shame left both of them feeling not good enough. The situation continued to grow in complexity as their family grew and their love continued to be buried in shame.

Both of them talk about how resources and real help was not made available to them. If you relate to this part of their story, we encourage you check out this resource, the addiction recovery group they refer to.

A series of rock bottoms and low points lead them to an incredibly serendipitous moment that solidifies their testimonies and changes the trajectory of their lives.

To learn what changed their minds after 2-3 years of the life they both thought they wanted, you can listen along and experience the doubt and deceit in the history of the Mormon church alongside Terin and James. As usual, we end with these two sharing with us the things they wish they knew then, and the gifts they experience and enjoy in a life and relationship of their own outside of the LDS institution.

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