Merging Households Pt 2

The Hoss Lady

A continuation from last week of the Merging Households...

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Transcript:

Becky: Hello. Welcome to the Haas Lady podcast, where I help you declutter your life and your home. Hello, everyone. It's Becky, the Haas Lady, and I am coming to you today from a cedar closet in the downstairs of a creepy old haunted mansion in somewhere in Kentucky. No, I'm not joking. I am literally in a cedar closet, the bottom floor of this crazy huge house that was built in, like, 1911, I think. And it's an airbnb, and we're surrounded by cows and fields of corn and beautiful scenery, and it's amazing, but the house is a little bit creepy. I'm not going to lie. Like, it's old, makes a lot of noises, but, man, are we having a great time. So, anyway, I am here today to bring all the tips and tricks you need when merging households, and you just have a **** ton of ****. And so, like last week, I gave you the most important step when it comes to merging households, and that, of course, was communication. So this week, I want to talk about how to make those decisions together. But first, again, I am Becky, a home organization professional, living a life of passion to help people get their homes organized. All the people, particularly the women, who struggle with just keeping up with the day to day tasks, much less trying to declutter and all that jazz. So if you found me here, welcome. And if this is your first listen, maybe run back to last week's episode to get caught up. It's not required, but you'll still get plenty out of this one. All right, so I do want to go back and highlight the things from last week. So if you are about to merge households, the most common mistake is to assume things about what other people want or what other people will be okay with. Sometimes we just jump in and start doing things the way we want to do it and give so little thought to speaking with the other humans involved. One of my biggest obstacles in my own way of doing things is to just jump in and start a project, because it is like a now or never mindset. And that all stems from my ADHD. But when I do this, I have become so aware of it now that I really see myself doing it, it's like an out of body experience, and I think, okay, whoa, this is what we've always done in the past, so let's slow down. Like, really slow down. And I see this mostly when I'm working with clients in person. So I'll get an idea, and I just want to jump in and do it immediately. But I have to take a step back. And remember, I am not the only person involved here. Other humans live here, and they need to be given a choice. Again, this is where communication is that biggest factor. So just taking out the expectations that I have for a space and getting input from the client is how those decisions are made. But what if it's a small human or a child? And again, this doesn't have to be like a newly married and blended family situation because it could also be, hey, grandma's moving in because she can't live alone anymore. And then suddenly that child is forced to give up their bedroom because grandmother needs to be on the lowest level of the house or maybe closest to the bathroom or whatever. So anytime you have a child involved, you really need to make them part of the process. And this is new to them and you need to make sure that they are on board with the changes even if you aren't able to give them a choice. But if it is a new blended family situation, you for sure want to make sure that the family is part of all the decision making. Just sit down, dinner table, ask everybody what they want, what would they like to see happen, what are their expectations, and just work through these one by one. And please don't just assume something about what a family member wants or what they might be okay with. Guys. Yes, I know I am still hammering the communication, but I can't emphasize how important it is when younger humans are involved. It's easy just to do it your way because you think you know best. You're the parent, right? You know how it's supposed to be and that's the end of it. But they are humans too, so include them. Don't assume. You always know what is right for them. Okay, rant over. Now let's get into the actual decision making process. All right, so you guys know that we have the three steps, right? We clear out a space, we commit to one function for that space and then we reset it. And just like those three steps, we're going to clear out the spaces in our home when we are actually merging households, okay? And that's basically just planning things out ahead of time, like assigning each room and space a new function. And that will help you determine how much stuff you actually need and how much stuff you don't need because it doesn't fit, right? And also it creates some ease with that transition. Very similar to how we decide if things in our closet should stay or go. We basically want to just ask ourselves a few questions, right? Number one, will I get by without owning this? And I say that and I want to share my own experience here. So I packed up a lot of my kitchen stuff from the apartment with the intention moving it to Joe's house. And I don't remember what happened, but I put it out in the garage and then I left it there. And now I didn't forget about them. I knew they were there. I missed them, I needed them, but I didn't have them but what I also didn't do is make an effort to go outside to the garage and put them in my car and carry them 2 hours away. So you could argue that I definitely could get by without owning these things, since I did get by without owning them for several months. However, when I finally did get that box of kitchen stuff moved to the house and unpacked, I had this new sense of connection with the kitchen. Because up until now, I had been using only Joe's Gadgets and things. And while they work and they're perfect and fine, I don't think I realized how much I wanted my own things that I was used to in order to cook meals. And I've actually been more inspired to cook now that my things are in the kitchen. Now, I didn't get rid of Joe's things. I merged my things with his. And so my point is this when you're merging households and something new enters the house or you're trying to decide what to keep and what you really don't need, just ask yourself if you could live without it. And if the answer is a truthful, yes, go ahead and get rid of it. So do we need two of these things? Do we need this thing? Do we not need this thing? Truthfully. That's how you answer these questions, right? Another question to ask is, do we already have one? And if the answer is yes, you just need to decide why you need more than one. Or you need to decide, do you even have room for more than one? A great example of this is a vacuum. For some reason, people get really weird about their vacuums. I mean, I get it. It's an expense and usually not a cheap one. You have gotten very intimate with this appliance. You have gotten in there with the scissors and the knife and clean out the hair from the brushes at the bottom. Don't tell me you've not done this, because I know you have. If you haven't, you probably need to look at the bottom of your vacuum. Anyway. You've had it. You've used it 100 times. You love this vacuum. So your kid comes home from college and they bring home their vacuum. Or maybe your parents had a vacuum. That super bougie. You have your own vacuum. Your husband has his vacuum. You have one. Maybe your roommate has one. So you have all these vacuums. What are you going to do now? You could keep one downstairs and one upstairs, which we have done before because who hates lugging that thing all the way up the stairs if you don't have room for it? Like in that upstairs downstairs situation, you just need to get rid of one. Sell it, donate it, whatever. And the best way to pick that is to pick the one that sucks the most. Like in a vacuum kind of suck, right? Sorry, bad joke. Moving on another question to ask. If I keep this, will the house feel cluttered? Is it just too much? Now, that is one thing that you can use to determine what stays and what needs to go very easily. You wouldn't keep two living room sets in one living room, right? So it's probably safe to say you don't need two blenders or two lawn mowers. Sometimes people get super anxious about letting go of their things because we can keep it in case the other one breaks. And that's fine if you have the storage for everything. And by storage, I mean like a ginormous garage on your property, not renting a unit down the road for $100 a month. Because after a year of storing your lawn mower in this storage unit, you could have used that money to buy a new mower when the one you keep breaks. So it's not a valid excuse, right? And speaking of storage, how much room do you have in your house? How many people will you have to accommodate and will rooms have to change? What are the needs of all the family members? Do you plan on moving to another location where all family members will have their own space, or will people have to share? These are all things to consider. And seriously, unless the people in your home are too young or too old to make any of these decisions, they really need to be included. Also, when you are merging households, you're going to need to agree on the vibe of the new combined spaces, right? This will help you decide what to keep and what to purge. In other words, if you have a super frilly flowery bedroom suit and your new husband is the least flowery frilly person in the world, maybe you can change the vibe to something you both agree on. It's funny, I was actually asking all my family members what were their thoughts and things about the merging of households this past month. And I asked my daughter, because she moved into her own apartment, right? I asked her what she would do if she was dating someone and they moved in with her into her apartment where she lives on her own. Now, what would she do if the dude was adamant about changing vibes from her super bright and colorful decor to something more manly and she says, make him pay more. Thought that was hilarious. But anyway, another thing about merging households is the moving parts. Now, last week I gave you guys the scoop on all the ways we had moving parts. We moved people from all over the place into new places, combined things, needed new things, and the whole bit. And if you want to go back and listen to all that, that would be great, but I'm not going to repeat it, all right? Now, I, up to this point, have talked about all the big things like the furniture and the lawn mowers and stuff. But what about some of the little things that you don't think about? Like the bathroom drawers, maybe your closet spaces? More than likely these areas that you are going to have to start sharing now. Right? So like my stepdaughter has had the hall bathroom all to herself for years and now she is sharing with her new stepsister, my daughter, right? So we asked if she would be willing to give up one of her bathroom drawers so that my daughter could have one. Y'all, not only did she clear out the drawer, but she also cleared out an entire cabinet to give to my daughter so that she could have her own space below the sink as well, which I loved about that. And it's like the closet situation with me and my Joe like I've talked about this before I think, but he has all his stuff on the top bar because I could literally never reach anything on the top bar unless I had a ladder. So obviously I took the bottom bar and we made that work. But what do you do with all of this stuff during this moving process? Right, so see like the bathroom example and the closet example, we cleared out space, we assigned that space a new function and we reset the space. Did Joe have to get rid of some clothes in order to make room for my clothes? Yeah, a few, but he was happy to because he knew he had too much stuff to begin with. Did I have to downsize my wardrobe in order for it to fit in this new closet? Yes. Did the girls have to make decisions about how to store their bathroom things? Yes. And during all of this we were able to do a lot of serious decluttering. We got rid of our own duplicates, we got rid of decorations that no longer fit the new vibe, we picked the best vacuum, we donated some extra towels, we sold the extra furniture and TVs, we created a space in our garage for our yard sale stuff. And as a new family we are going to hold a massive yard sale because whatever money we get from this yard sale will also be used for our family beach vacation this summer. So there's some incentive there for everyone to get rid of some of their things. And I know things will continue to come up for us, like holiday decorations and y'all know me and my love for holiday decorations. But now we have two families worth of decorations and a lot of that stuff can be super sentimental, so we need to make it as cohesive as possible. Like one thing I know is going to come up is that my kids were given a new ornament every year from their grandmother until she passed away and then I took over that role and I've been giving them a new ornament each year and it usually ties in with something that they're interested in from that year. But I know that my new stepdaughters do not have that tradition, but they will now. And I am sure things will not be used, and I will donate other things as we go along. But I will cross that bridge when the weather changes and I finally get to get out my happy stuff, and it will be a constant work in progress. Now, I want to go back real quick and say that if you are working through a process of merging households where family members no longer able to communicate their wishes, remember, you do not have to keep everything or even anything. You can work through things with your own needs in mind. Like when mom passed away and we had all of her things to go through, if it wasn't something we needed or would use, we sold it. Because remember, the person who passed away bought the things in their home with their own use in mind. They didn't buy these things thinking that one day you would take them on and use them. So to recap, just communicate. Talk things out. Get all the input. Treat all family members with value and respect. Keep your spaces in mind when deciding how much to keep your vibe in mind when deciding what to keep. Don't keep stuff just because it costs money. Don't keep duplicates just in case things don't work out. Don't keep more stuff than your house will hold. Be honest. Be willing to compromise. Be intentional. And again, I cannot say it enough. Communicate. All right, so that's it for now, guys. We are doing something really neat in the month of June. It's a 30 day challenge where you get to reset any room in your house. We are taking things super duper slow because I want us to build the muscle of a daily task that takes less than 30 minutes and sometimes as little as three minutes. Because this will teach us a new habit of doing a daily tidy task so that we can learn that being tidy does not have to take a lot of time out of our day. So join me on Facebook in my group. It's called Clutterfree and 23 with the Haas lady. You can follow me. I am Becky. B Hyman H-E-I-M-A-N thehaslady or. Follow me on Instagram at TheLady visit my [e-mail]. And if you want to join our monthly challenge newsletter, it's www.thehouslady.com. Get started, sign up for my newsletter, and then by the end of the month, after we've done our 30 day challenge, you're going to have a functional and clutter free room again. And I have some big news to share. The next two episodes are a couple of interviews I have done with some amazing people in my life. Next week will be Corinne Crabtree, owner and founder and CEO of the no BS weight Loss Program and host of the losing 100 pounds with Corinne podcast, we'll be talking to me. I have been doing her home and I have been her home organizer for several months now, working with her one on one and her family and have really, really enjoyed the process. And the next week after that will be an interview I did with one of my life coaches, lori Adams, podcast host of The Fire, up at 55 with Lori podcast. Guys, if you are in that time of your life where you are about to become an empty nester or maybe you are entering a new chapter of your life, laurie brings all the fire by helping women live up to their fullest potential during their midlife years. So who said life was over when the kids leave home? Anyway, guys, that's it for today. Don't forget, tidy people do tiny things all day long. So until next time, let's get to it. Hey, guys. Thank you so much for listening to my Haas Lady podcast. My name is Becky, and I cannot wait to share more ideas with you to help you get your environment and your mind to a more organized space. If you are interested in working with me one on one, visit my [e-mail]. If you enjoyed the podcast, leave me a review and share with your friends. Until next time, let's get to it.