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"It's Not The End". Recovery after the Devastation of Stillbirth: KEJI MOSES of MAYAH'S LEGACY
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In a very moving yet inspirational episode, I speak to author, podcaster and professional grief counsellor Keji Moses. Keji talks about her early loss through miscarriage and the devastation of losing her baby girl Mayah, who was stillborn at 35 weeks. She has since made it her mission to shed light on the mental health impacts of pregnancy loss. Through her charity Mayah's Legacy, Keji supports families affected by this very personal tragedy and helps them to advocate for the care they need.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Miscarriage and Baby Loss*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[02:16 ] Introduction to Keji Moses.
[04:35] Having her son, following an earlier miscarriage.
[09:12] The impact and loss of her first miscarriage. Lack of support.
[14:25] Keji's husband's reaction to the loss.
[16:52] Her pregnancy with Mayah - a diagnosis of Edwards' Syndrome.
[22:07] Knowing something was wrong. Being told there was no heartbeat.
[25:11] Saying goodbye.
[29:03] Starting her charity, 'Mayah's Legacy'.
[30:25] Equipping families for self advocacy.
[32:11] Channelling her pain into her creative offering.
[32:58] "It's not the end."
[34:13] A lack of support after Mayah's stillbirth.
[36:53] The need to put mothers experiencing baby loss on a different ward.
[39:20] Cultural attitudes to baby loss and mental health.
[42:30] How Keji's children dealt with the loss of Mayah.
[44:56] Advice for those who want to help a loved one affected by baby loss.
[49:13] The need for advocacy.
[54:06] Negative racial stereotyping within the maternal health system.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Click this link to find out more about Keji's charity, Mayah's Legacy
- For Keji's empowerment tools for women on their healing journey, click this link to go to the Goddess Hub website.
- Follow this link for NHS on Miscarriage information.
- N.C.T. '8 Things That Can Help After Miscarriage'
- This link takes you to the Blue MumDays episode with my lovely mum, Nina Spilsted - PND in the '70s: My Mum's Story
- Tommys is the largest charity in the UK carrying out research into the causes of miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth.
- Sands Baby Loss Charity is a UK charity providing information and support for those who've experienced pregnancy loss.
- The Miscarriage Association is a UK charity providing further support for those experiencing baby loss.
- Child Bereavement UK supports families and educates professionals when a child dies or when a child is bereaved.
- This link will take you to information on Mayah's condition, Edwards' Syndrome (Trisomy 18)
- The Ockenden Report in 2022 found "repeated errors in care" which led to injury to either mothers or their babies at Shrewsbury and Telford Hospital NHS Trust.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
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Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com
NEXT EPISODE:
To mark Eating Disorder Awareness Week, my next guest is the awesome Hope Virgo, who chats to me about navigating pregnancy with an eating disorder. Hope is an author and multi award winning campaigner. Through her talks, Hope helps young people and employers deal with the rising tide of mental health issues. In 2018, Hope launched the #DumpTheScales campaign, which put eating disorders on the Government's agenda. Since then it has gone from strength to strength making change happen on a national scale, including a national march taking place in London on 22nd April 2023.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
*** For support specific to this episode, see Key Takeaways ***
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: app@app-network.org
Tel: 020 3322 9900
ADDA - the Attention Deficit Disorder Association
National Resource Center (NRC)/ADHD Helpline Health Information Specialists
866-200-8098, Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. — 5 p.m. ET
ADHD UK - peer support, created by people with ADHD for those with ADHD
The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity
Call us - 0151 541 9020
Email - info@adhdfoundation.org.uk
AIMS for better birthing.
Email: helpline@aims.org.uk
This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.
Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663
You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: info@andysmanclub.co.uk
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: info@apni.org
Live chat online facility
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
email: info@bipolaruk.org
Email: support@birthtraumaassociation.org.uk
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Email: lwise@talktalk.net (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
- helpline: 0808 808 3555
- website: https://contact.org.uk/
Contact a Family
www.cafamily.org.uk
Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.
Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)
CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association
www.clapa.com
Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.
Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.
kierananders@homestarthost.org.uk
0161 344 0669
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world.
hello@dopeblack.org
Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
- helpline: 0808 800 2222
- website: www.familylives.org.uk
Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.
- helpline: 0808 801 0366
- website: www.frg.org.uk
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.
Email: fivexmore@gmail.com
Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.
- helpline: 0808 802 0925
- website: www.gingerbread.org.uk
The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: contact@lgbtmummies.com
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: hello@makebirthbetter.org
Peer support available, email info@maternalocd.org to arrange
Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.
Email: info@bigoutreach.org
0300 102 1596
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.
motivationalmumsclub@gmail.com
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.
hello@musicfootballfatherhood.com
Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –
4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,
and Bengali.
Email: info@mwnhelpline.co.uk
Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk
Text: 07415 206 936
National Autistic Society
www.autism.org.uk
Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.
Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In
NHS
Contact your local GP surgery.
Call the NHS on 111
or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline
If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.
Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401
Email support available – info@pandasfoundation.org.uk
PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada
Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy
or baby loss.
Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/
Email: counselling@petalscharity.org
Tel: 0300 688 0068
Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran.
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