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Our Altered Life - Parenting A Child With Disabilities: CHARLIE BESWICK
Manage episode 352596009 series 3290258
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This week's episode is a wonderful lesson in triumphing over adversity - a brave, beautiful and inspiring conversation for 'Blue Monday'. My guest is the incredible Charlie Beswick of facial disfigurement and visible difference charity 'More Than A Face'. Charlie is mum to twins Oliver and Harry - Harry was born with a rare craniofacial condition and is also autistic. Her experience led to her writing her best-selling book 'Our Altered Life', a brutally honest account of how she came to terms with a life she never expected and often resented.
UPDATE: This conversation was recorded in Spring 2022 - Charlie's beautiful wedding did go ahead on 24th April, with Harry playing 'You Are My Sunshine' on piano as she walked down the aisle.
*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma, Feelings of Suicide, Negative Reactions to Disability*
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
[00:00] Teaser quote.
[01:47] Introduction to Charlie.
[03:20] Life before motherhood.
[04:43] Finding out she was having twins.
[08:12] The pregnancy - feeling good, followed by bed rest.
[09:52] The birth - waters breaking at 32 weeks.
[12:49] Meeting the boys.
[15:03] The shock of hearing Harry's diagnosis.
[19:16] Lack of support.
[20:48] Hiding behind a smile.
[23:40] The impact on her partner and her relationship.
[25:25] Coming out of hospital.
[26:50] Getting used to the ICU, feeling like a visitor rather than a mother.
[29:12] Bringing the boys home.
[32:32] Becoming aware that she needed help. Muscle memory of the shock.
[36:05] The relationship with Oli.
[39:05] The power of validation.
[39:41] Finally breaking down in front of her mum.
[41:07] Receiving Harry's diagnosis of Autism.
[45:40] Reaching rock bottom - planning to take her life. *TRIGGER WARNING*
[46:43] Recovery - medication and counselling.
[48:20] The need for self compassion.
[50:30] Charlie's work - charity 'More Than A Face' and helping mums accept their 'grief'.
[54:27] The affect on Oli of having a sibling with additional needs.
[58:07] The boys now, as teenagers.
[1:00:15] The happy ending.
[1:01:58] Charlie's book, charting her motherhood journey, 'Our Altered Life'.
[1:03:03] How to get hold of Charlie.
[1:03:33] Advice for when meeting a parent of a child with additional needs.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
- Support for parents of multiples via the Twins Trust (formerly TAMBA)
- For more information about Harry's condition, Goldenhar syndrome, please click this link.
- For parents of children with Autism, charity 'Ambitious About Autism' have a Parent Toolkit which may be helpful to you.
- Listen to our special episodes on Self Compassion Part 1 and Self Compassion Part 2 with Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8.
- The 15 minute Loving Kindness Meditation will help you relax, reset and recharge any time you need it. You don't need to meditate - just close your eyes and listen to Poonam's words.
- Charlie's work supporting other mums via her website Our Altered Life.
- Charlie's charity More Than A Face was set up to raise awareness of facial disfigurement and promote understanding, acceptance and inclusion.
- You can order Charlie's book 'Our Altered Life: A Mother's Heartbreak and the Boys Who Saved Her' on this link (published under Charlene Beswick).
- You can read and download Chapter One for free here.
Early intervention is hugely important in terms of getting help. The earlier you seek support, the better in terms of your recovery.If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.
Follow us:
Join our Facebook Group
Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com
NEXT EPISODE:
Next week I speak to Amy Leigh Looper, a maternal leadership coach based in the United States. After a hugely successful career in enterprise software sales, Amy suffered postpartum depression with both her children. We discuss the impact this had on her life and how she has turned her drive and knowledge to coaching mums on her maternal leadership program, which reduces fear and anxiety and encourages connection, confidence and growth.
SUPPORT:
If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.
We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).
*SPECIFIC TO THIS EPISODE:
The Katie Piper Foundation
www.katiepiperfoundation.org.uk
The Katie Piper Foundation helps individuals with burns and scars.
Changing Faces
www.changingfaces.org.uk
Changing Faces support anyone with disfigurements of the face, hands and body.
Helpline: 0300 0120 275 (lines open Monday – Friday 10am – 4pm)
Skin Camouflage: 0300 0120 276 (line open Monday – Friday 10am – 4pm)
Let’s Face It
www.lets-face-it.org.uk
Let’s Face It are a support network for anyone with facial disfigurement, as well as their families.
Saving Faces
www.savingfaces.co.uk
Support for anyone undergoing the treatment of Orofacial Cancers, trauma as well as other facial disfigurements, plus support for their families.
Contact a Family
www.cafamily.org.uk
Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.
Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)
CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association
www.clapa.com
Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.
British Association of Skin Camouflage
www.skin-camouflage.net
Helping patients to increase confidence by the skilful application of skin camouflage.
Headlines
www.headlines.org.uk
Support to those affected by Craniosynostosis and associated conditions. Providing factual information and links to appropriate medical establishments experienced in treating these conditions. We also provide a friendly and confidential telephone helpline to all those affected.
About Face
www.omfsaboutface.co.uk
ABOUTFACE is a Patients’ and Carers’ support group. It has merged with a National Charity called Facial Surgery Research Foundation. It aims at helping present and future patients and carers to live through a difficult part of their lives as they are coping with the treatment of Orofacial Cancers, Trauma and other facial disfigurements.
The Healing Foundation
www.thehealingfoundation.org.uk
The Healing Foundation is a national fundraising charity championing the cause of people living with disfigurement and visible loss of function, by funding research into pioneering surgical and psychological healing techniques.
Facing the World
www.facingtheworld.net
Facing the World is a unique UK charity that exists to provide life-changing craniofacial surgery to some of the world’s most disadvantaged and vulnerable children from developing countries affected by severe facial disfigurements.
National Autistic Society
www.autism.org.uk
Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.
*GENERAL SUPPORT:
Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)
Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.
Email: app@app-network.org
Tel: 020 3322 9900
ADDA - the Attention Deficit Disorder Association
National Resource Center (NRC)/ADHD Helpline Health Information Specialists
866-200-8098, Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. — 5 p.m. ET
ADHD UK - peer support, created by people with ADHD for those with ADHD
The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity
Call us - 0151 541 9020
Email - info@adhdfoundation.org.uk
AIMS for better birthing.
Email: helpline@aims.org.uk
This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.
Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663
You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.
Andy's Man Club
A non-judgemental talking group for men
https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/
Email: info@andysmanclub.co.uk
Association of Postnatal Illness
Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868
Email: info@apni.org
Live chat online facility
Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering
evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy
and early stages of parenting.
App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides
24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.
email: info@bipolaruk.org
Email: support@birthtraumaassociation.org.uk
Contact CALM
on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)
Email: lwise@talktalk.net (Liz Wise)
Mobile: 07773 283556
Contact: for families with disabled children
Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.
- helpline: 0808 808 3555
- website: https://contact.org.uk/
Dad Matters
Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.
kierananders@homestarthost.org.uk
0161 344 0669
Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.
A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world.
hello@dopeblack.org
Family Lives
An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
- helpline: 0808 800 2222
- website: www.familylives.org.uk
Family Rights Group
Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.
- helpline: 0808 801 0366
- website: www.frg.org.uk
https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/
Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.
A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.
Email: fivexmore@gmail.com
Gingerbread
Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.
- helpline: 0808 802 0925
- website: www.gingerbread.org.uk
The Hub of Hope
A directory of mental health support around the UK.
Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.
Email: contact@lgbtmummies.com
Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
Email: hello@makebirthbetter.org
Peer support available, email info@maternalocd.org to
arrange
Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.
Email: info@bigoutreach.org
0300 102 1596
Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.
Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.
motivationalmumsclub@gmail.com
Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.
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