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6. Boundaries, Part 1
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In this episode Emily and Dan define boundaries, break down the four types of boundaries, and offer examples from their lives of boundaries in practice.
Boundaries are so critical to Emily and Dan, they’re what inspired The Great Job! Podcast in the first place!
Emily and Dan define boundaries as where a person begins and ends. Boundaries are often misunderstood because they are such an abstract concept. They offer several examples of boundaries in action so we can learn to identify them more readily.
Emily and Dan each suggest several boundary-related books that they read to understand the concepts and then detail what Nina Brown describes as the four types of boundaries: soft boundaries, or enmeshment, rigid boundaries, squishy boundaries, and flexible boundaries.
As people, we move through each of the four types all the time as we navigate life. Each type of boundary also has the possibility to be enforced to an extreme, either too much or too little.
Maintaining a boundary is the hardest, and most meaningful, part of the process. Emily shares a recent story of upholding a boundary with her mother-in-law and how she is so glad she did because expressing our boundaries is the quickest way to banish resentment and bitterness in relationships.
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Episode Outline:
(00:18) Boundaries are where you begin and end as a person
(06:36) Soft boundaries
(13:23) Rigid boundaries
(15:31) No is a complete sentence
(19:02) A boundary isn’t about controlling someone else
(21:01) Holding the boundary is the hardest part
(28:18) Spongy vs flexible boundaries
(31:11) What boundaries are not
(33:33) Boundaries and kids
Resources Referenced:
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. Robert Townsend
Boundaries with Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. Robert Townsend
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Nedra Glover Tawwab Instagram
Coping with Infurating, Mean, Critical People by Nina Brown
Connect with Dan and Emily:
About Dan and Emily:
We’re Dan and Emily Mall, the parents behind Great Job! We’ve known each other since 5th grade, been together for over twenty years, and have spent the last 12 years raising our two daughters, Sidda and Charlie. We started this space after we noticed a lot of our friends and teachers (and our kids’ friends’ parents) coming to us for advice or to compliment the way our kids sometimes show up in the world. We wanted a way to share our stories of what’s worked and hasn’t for parents and caregivers, who, like us, struggle with raising amazing humans.
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