))
Decoding Forgiveness: 5 secrets to truly letting go with Benson Fox, Life Coach
Manage episode 409982724 series 3564770
Content provided by Fay Brezel, CEO OKclarity.com. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by Fay Brezel, CEO OKclarity.com or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://player.fm/legal.
The Problem with Forgiveness
- Many people struggle with when to let go of resentments, anger and negativity.
- There needs to be a balance between enforcing boundaries and not accumulating negativity.
- Asking for forgiveness on Yom Kippur can be awkward as it may not match the severity of the wrong.
- The goal is to be healthy, enforce boundaries, but not let negativity fester and destroy relationships.
Secret #1: Forgiveness is the End of the Journey
- Forgiveness should come at the end of a healing process, not the beginning.
- The process involves: 1) Acknowledging the wrong, 2) Expressing genuine remorse, and 3) Committing to prevent it from happening again.
- After this, a period of appeasement follows to rebuild trust through loving actions.
- Only then, after significant time, should forgiveness be humbly requested as a gift, not something deserved.
Secret #2: Forgiveness Should Be Earned (But Never Deserved)
- Forgiveness is earned through the process of appeasement, but it is never truly deserved from the perspective of strict justice.
- A wrong can never be fully taken back, so forgiveness always remains an undeserved gift.
Secret #3: Forgiveness Only Makes Sense When Given Out of Love
- Love enables a person to transcend strict justice and grant undeserved forgiveness.
- Attempting to earn forgiveness makes it easier to forgive, but is not absolutely necessary if there is abundant love.
Secret #4: Don't Be a Doormat
- Forgiveness should happen after the hurt is over and the threat has passed. It requires trusting the wrong won't be repeated.
- One should not forgive severe offenses or patterns of negativity and abuse. Boundaries must be enforced in those cases.
- Forgiveness is not healthy or righteous when it enables bad behavior to continue. The person must take the process of reconciliation seriously.
Secret #5: Forgiveness Happens on a Spectrum
- Forgiveness of oneself requires first processing, respecting and integrating one's own hurt emotions. Let them in before letting them go.
- The three part process of acknowledgment, appeasement and forgiveness applies to healing one's relationship with parts of oneself.
- If reconciliation is engaged in properly, eventually forgiveness can enable restoring relationships with family to a place of love and connection.
Conclusion
- Forgiveness is what true healing looks like. It benefits both the forgiver and the forgiven.
- One must give time and space to process emotions before engaging in forgiveness.
Connect with Benson Fox: https://okclarity.com/directory/benson-fox/
Watch full episode here: https://okclarity.com/exclusive-content/benson-fox/decoding-forgiveness/
Xo
Fay & Co.
Host: Fay Brezel, LMHC
https://okclarity.com/directory/fay-brezel/
Featured Guest: Michali Friedman, LCSW
https://okclarity.com/directory/michali-friedman/
Find an amazing mental health and wellness professional on OKclarity:
Follow us on Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/okclarity/
Follow the WhatsApp Status:
https://wa.me/message/VII7OSG6HQRGB1
Get the Dose of Clarity Newsletter:
https://okclarity.activehosted.com/f/1
Become a Verified Professional on OKclarity:
37 episodes
Share
